Mummy Guilt Culture - Protecting or Patronising

[Astrid]

I have thought this for ages.

A number of years ago it came up that there is a an increase in the rates of depression amongst those born via c-section. There was such a hoo haa about it, a lot of defensiveness and plenty of the "oh, but my child etc" examples. I was one of the few that thought "great, I need to know that info" Why? Even though I had no choice of the c-section, it is handy for me, as someone who suffers from depression, to know that my children will have an increased risk. I don't see it as something to beat myself up over, but something to arm myself for the future.

We can choose how we take on that information. Even though we cannot change the past, it can help us with the future.

[fionas]

Yes, of course, people need to know that and to not publicise that information IS patronising.

I struggled to BF both my girls. DD1 was fed expressed breast milk for the first two months, for DD2 I relactated and she had a mixture of breast and formula from the age of nine weeks to five months.

Personally, I also found the misinformation that if you give bottles you will never get them back to breast incredibly damaging. It guaranteed that I didn't even try to get DD1 back on to the breast after having no luck in the first two weeks. It also meant for DD2 I let my milk dry as I also couldn't attach her but tried again at about seven weeks and hey presto ... but I had to relactate.

It's like LCs think that if they give you the green light to give a bottle you will stop trying breast altogether because you'll find it easier, it's like they don't trust your willpower and treat you like a little kid. Makes me so cross.

So I'm all for giving people all the information and letting them decide for themselves.

[chody47]

I wish I had have known this when I was breastfeeding. My husband had a massive accident when DD was just 9 weeks old and, with all the stress, I gradually started weaning at 4 months until, by 6 months she was completely formula fed. If I had have known this info I may have tried harder to keep up with the BF. It is easier to say in retrospect though. I would have at least liked the info so that I could have made more of an informed decision.

[Loveinamist]

I am very cynical but have you noticed the things that get sugarcoated or tip toed, around usually have a product or service that can be sold attached? Lobby groups anyone?? Breastfeeding - bottles and formula, Csections and inductions - drugs and anaesthetics, surgeon's fees etc. There is money to be made from neglecting to give full information to mothers.

[Lenny]

I wish I had have known this when I was breastfeeding. My husband had a massive accident when DD was just 9 weeks old and, with all the stress, I gradually started weaning at 4 months until, by 6 months she was completely formula fed. If I had have known this info I may have tried harder to keep up with the BF. It is easier to say in retrospect though. I would have at least liked the info so that I could have made more of an informed decision.

I also know about having serious upheaval in the very early weeks of a being a new mum. I'm sorry you had to go through it. The thing is even if you had known this information, you may well have still weaned - and that would have still been ok, because you would have done what was, at the time, necessary for you and your family. But for some reason you were deemed to fragile and precious to be given the truth - and allowed to make your own mind up. That's not right! You (and me, and everyone else) should be told more, allowed to be educated about these things, and then left to decide on our own. We are, after all, the ones who have to live with and possibly repeatedly justify, our decision to.

I hope you don't mind me using you as my example ()

And it's not just breastfeeding, but many other aspects of our lives. I was fascinated to learn about the new information regarding 'The first nine months" - how a person's live can be irrevocably shaped during pregnancy. It's great to know this stuff. Would it have changed the way i behaved while i was pregnant? Probably. Bring on knowledge and education. Then let us decide for ourselves.

[chody47]

I also know about having serious upheaval in the very early weeks of a being a new mum. I'm sorry you had to go through it. The thing is even if you had known this information, you may well have still weaned - and that would have still been ok, because you would have done what was, at the time, necessary for you and your family. But for some reason you were deemed to fragile and precious to be given the truth - and allowed to make your own mind up. That's not right! You (and me, and everyone else) should be told more, allowed to be educated about these things, and then left to decide on our own. We are, after all, the ones who have to live with and possibly repeatedly justify, our decision to.

I hope you don't mind me using you as my example ()

And it's not just breastfeeding, but many other aspects of our lives. I was fascinated to learn about the new information regarding 'The first nine months" - how a person's live can be irrevocably shaped during pregnancy. It's great to know this stuff. Would it have changed the way i behaved while i was pregnant? Probably. Bring on knowledge and education. Then let us decide for ourselves.

No, I don't mind you using me as an example I guess for me, I tend to see myself as quite an 'educated' person, having done two post-grad courses (one a Masters), so it almost makes me feel 'dumb' not to have known this. I mean, in my sleep deprived state of looking after a newborn and also getting up every two hours (often never at the time of DD) to give my husband medication, I tried to do a bit of research, but I didn't come up with anything like this. I just wish this info was more well known. Like you said, I may have still made the same choice, but at least I would have been able to do that knowing all the facts.