Huge, huge hugs. I remember the baby days. Being told by DH that I wanted the baby... but I wanted a husband too! I wanted help! I'd seen his mother help his brother and SiL and thought I may get one hour a month off! The lack of appreiation didn't help either. I cooked, cleaned, looked after baby, did all the night waking, no lie-ins... and got it in the neck if the vacuuming needed doing.
Walking out and leaving DH with DS for two hours when DS was 11m old turned my life around. Wish I'd done it earlier.
Does it get easier? No. It gets different. So OK, I now work full-time and do 90% of the parenting (and get whinged at about DH needing to pick his own son up from nursery), DS doesn't regularly sleep through, but can do a couple of months without night waking, he is now finally toilet trained and can be reasoned with, have fun film nights and worst case he can just play on my handheld games thing. He will sit and read a book on his own for up to half an hour. His two best mates have great mums and we get together for fun afternoons. But he can ask for specific toys when we're out at the shops and I don't like lego on the floor. I don't like that he can reason back! I don't like that my abusive mother now realises she can start her psychological games on him.
Does it get harder? I would say absolutely not. It gets different - and we all cope with different stages differently and they affect us differently and we get different support from our menfolk and even children's grandparents at different stages. FiL helps out with DS now he plays trains, DH is going to take DS fishing this summer, nursery school means I have a life again. Help with children is everything. I had no help with a baby so that, for me, was a tough stage despite not wanting to admit it and everyone telling me to "just wait until..." (mostly my abusive mother, admittedly).
I know a "bad" mother (IMO) who has 3 children. She lets them scream all night at 6w old. That's making them sleep 6pm-8am. You know what - I love my son and he loves me. More important than sleep or having the large family I want: my son is important and he knows it. No matter how hard it is, he has it better than someone whose mother sees her children as an accessory and wants an easy life. OK, judgemental, but she thinks I'm a bad mum for being friends with my son and treating him as a person with opinions and a personality (he didn't need enouraging on that front) rather than a baby.
You should take a day off - it would do you all some good I think. And it's true, if you haven't had a non-sleeper you can't really understand.
Sleep won't solve all your issues - you still need time out to recharge yourself - but it woudl probably still help a great deal. It's hard to do anything, let alone get a bit of perspective, when youre so sleep deprived.
Have you tried any different sleep arrangements like a mattress on the floor or anythign like that? Sometimes they do just hate the cot (even if they seemed to like it before).
Firstly, huge :hugs: to you. It must have been so hard for you to be able to confess to these feelings. Everybody is always so worried about being so perfect in motherhood and its the hardest job in the entire world. Nobody can prepare you for motherhood. No amount of little sisters, nieces, nephews, babysitting can prepare you for the demands and the stress that goes with it.
I know you have probably heard it a million times before, but I could have written your post after the birth of my DD1. For 6 long months, I honestly thought I would die of exhaustion. My whole body, my mind, everything was just exhausted. I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. It was dreadful. I honestly didn't know how people could go on & have more children. One was too much already.
But you know what, now she is 6 & she does have a sibling & she is 4 & I"m telling you honestly, it's not always a walk in the park, but it has improved beyond measure. I think back to those first 6 months & I ask myself 'was it really THAT bad?' Yes, it sure was, but it has gotten better. So much better & my world is now full of colour & sunshine. I'm SURE this is going to happen to you too.
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