Thanks girls firstly there's no offense at all Christy... I really appreciate the time you both took to to read my post and sanity-check my thoughts. I have to admit to going totally ballistic one evening last week (at least my two older children were in bed, but I was holding my newborn) and screaming out all my frustrations, which unfortunately ended up including my DH as well. My post may seem calm but in reality I am deeply angered by how my mother has sabotaged these precious days. I should be able to focus on my baby but how can when when i have to (for example) rush out the front door in my pyjamas to 'rescue' my toddler who is being carried screaming out the front gate over my mother's shoulder because she's decided he needs to go for a walk with him??? Arggghhhh! Now he is extremely warey of her and doesn't like being left alone with her. Anyhow I don't want to vent here too much... the key issue is that I'm really grieving for the loss of a warm loving relationship between my children and their Nana... it's just not going to happen. When I think back to how much i depended on my grandparents for feeling s of love, accpetance and security (especially when my parent's divorced) it almost makes me cry that my children aren't going to have that. You learn so much from grandparents but unfortunately mine will be learning the wrong things ie that they can be unfairly demanding. I agree Lea, there's nothing wrong at all in a mutual respect situation between children and elders. It was very different 'in my day' LOL but luckily my grandparents never abused their authority like my mother does. My mother and her parents (who are still alive) are not close at all btw. And you're probably right Lea, it might have happened anyhow but unfortunately DD doesn't know how to distinguish good advice from bad when Nana offers it.... sometimes my mother does effectively reinforce my instructions but my DD has a "blanket" response to everything she says now: mistrust and contempt Anyhow, who knows, perhaps my mother will "mellow" in her old age and make it a little easier to foster a more positive relationship between her and my boys.

Thanks again girls, Christy you are right about my DD being very protective of her brothers and infact any perceived "underdog" or vulnerable person she encounters. I'm going to do my best at turning this situation around and help her to learn from her Nana's behaviour: interestingly: Nana is also the eldest of three with a big gap in between.... perhaps my DD can learn that being bossy can ruin relationships, for example.

It's been so good to clarify my thoughts in here... hope it's acceptable to add more posts here if i need too!