Things you wish they told you before you had baby!

[Bid]

Hi all,
Not sure if this is the right spot for this, but I wanted to start a thread for people to share practical advice that might help others in the same situation. Of course, nothing can TRULY prepare you for the changes that parenthood brings, but there are some little things that I do wish I'd known before I had my beautiful boy.
ie:

a) Read the parenting books, but don't despair if your baby doesn't do what they say he should. My boy did not want to sleep during the day. All the books said he should be sleeping for 6 hours. From 3 weeks i would get 1.5 hours in 20 min bursts. I nearly LOSt MY MIND rocking him, walking him, leaving him etc etc. and had anxiety pains in my tummy from thinking I was a dreadful parent.
And yet he slept at night like a champ.

and along the same lines..

b) set up a routine that works for YOU and YOUR baby. Because all babies are individuals. And for goodness sake don't worry if it takes you weeks and months to set up a routine. Or if you never do. Do what you are comfortable with. And be prepared for the routine to change every 3 seconds as they grow and change.

c) this may be controversial but I reckon if you know they are teething, give them the paracetamol when they START screaming. We had nights where we'd wait for an hour and then start to think, wow he must really be in pain, better give him some relief. And of course we'd never do that if WE had a headache. When we knew it was teething, we gave him the pain relief after just one settling attempt and it was like someone had turned the off switch on the crying.

d) As our bub becomes a toddler this little PPP (positive parenting program) approach has been a real winner: Give lots of attention to positive behaviour, give minimal attention to negative behaviour. It's a simple one and everyone knows about it, but I think not enough credit is given for how much mental and physical strength you need to apply it - it's actually very hard to summon the energy to be excited about a blade of grass or The Very Hungry Caterpillar for the 10000th time, but if you are going to give positive attention to positive behaviour you have to do it!

and last but not least

e) DON'T WORRY!!!! if your baby/ child is loved and fed and warm you are doing fine. More than fine. You are doing the best. I WISH someone had sat me down every single day of those first 3 months with bub and said just STOP worrying. Time goes SO quickly and although it seems like an eternity when they are crying YOU WILL MISS their baby time. You will forget it so soon, as new challenges arise.

anyway, if anyone has anything to add, disagree with, whatever!
cheers
bid

[Amity]

Oh and... the first three months is about survival. Nothing else. Don't worry about the dishes, clothes, household chores - they'll get done eventually. Get by. Ask for help (even if it's difficult).

And:

The more people that love your child/ren, the better adjusted they will be.

[krysalyss]

Be prepared for change!!! Just when you think you have got the hang of it, everything will change. Just enjoy each chapter.

[Roryrory]

If you have a baby who is no trouble at at all and all goes smoothly, don't worry that there is something wrong with your baby. You might just be lucky!
I was really concerned Flynn was autistic for the first 3 months of his life. I know it sounds like I am being flippant but I was seriously concerned because he was such a quiet and sleepy baby. He gave me not a speck of "trouble" in the usual sense for the first 3 months, which for me were honestly the easiest (6-8 months, however, wasa different story LOL!) So I would say be prepared for the "worst" but if you have an easy ride don't feel bad, just enjoy it while it lasts.

[aussienic]

I would just say relax! If you are really concerned about something see a Dr, pharmacist or child health nurse

Enjoy the time you have with them while they are young. and remember life is oh so much easier before they can walk or crawl so enjoy being able to leave the room and know they will be where you left them when you come back

[JoMarie]

I agree with Nic - enjoy the time you have with them while they are little. Too soon they don't want to hang out with you anymore, and you are no longer the centre of their universe!

Let them make a mess sometimes (where appropriate - outside etc) play with water and get dirty! They will remember these times far more than how clean mummy kept the house!

Listen to them. It is really important to listen and hear your children. This will build trust and they will be more likely to turn to you when they have a serious problem when they are older.

[Mellybubz]

I wish someone told me how long it takes for YOU ti recover following giving birth. I'm a nurse and I did a little time in the post natal ward as a student but I thought it'd only take a few days... but really after having my baby it took more then 6 weeks before everything felt a little normal again.

[fionas]

Everything I read in my twenties/thirties told me how hard it was. Sleepless nights, crying, poo-ey nappies etc. etc. etc. I'd never been around babies so I had no idea and thought it sounded simply hideous.

No-one told me IT'S FUN and yes, perhaps you can't get anything done during the day, because you end up playing the whole time.

[Visitor9]

I was abit naive about parenting and bringing a baby home even to the point where I was looking for excuses not too, she was in SCN and I was at home.
When everything is going great sleep, feeding, playtime, bowel movements and everything else..ENJOY IT.....because tomorrow it is sure to change!!

[Nadine216]

Start learning how to LOVE cleaning your floors!!!!! Carpet, Tiles, Wood, Concrete. Just learn how to love spending precious time cleaning up spit, vomit, poo, wee, food, milk, mashed banana's, sticky ice-popsicles, shredded paper, destroyed potplants, pulled out hair ... the list goes on!!!

[sonjainnsw]

Some great tips for a newbie everyone. thanks for taking the time to write these down, they are very helpful tips to someone like me who has NO idea!

[Lolli]

You actually can get by with minimal 'stuff' for a baby. Things like a change table are totally unneccasary.
And... you will be overwhelmed with visitors the first week. The second you will be sitting by yourself with a crying baby, a filthy house and a neglected husband, saying wtf?? where did everyone go??

[Arimeh]

The thing I wish I had been told the most:-
That EVERYONE in this world has an opinion on how you SHOULD be raising your child. But nobody elses opinion matters as much as your instincts as a mother.

[~clover~]

One thing I've always said is have no expectations. Just enjoy it.

When people give advice, listen to it all. Even try it. If it doesn't work 4 you find something else.

I have to say read. I fell pg with dd1 at 17. Ibought mags & got books from the library. I thought I knew it all! I did the same 2nd & 3rd time around.

There will always be someone out here who doesn't agree with something you are doing. Always. Ignore it.

Oh, & personally - don't wanna scare anyone, but I honestly believe the first 12 months is the easiest.

When it comes down to it do whats right for you & your baby. Breast or bottle, Cloth or disposible, whatever. As long as your both happy & fed!

[BeautifulMadness]

oh gosh

i wish somone had told me not to believe what the so called experts tell you, and go with you're mummie gut feeling cause its ok to tellem to get buggered.

That its ok to cry and it doesnt make you a bad mum.

That you change as a person when you have a baby and its ok to still have a life

[Karina]

I wish I knew it was ok to tell people to GO AWAY when they were annoying me. I was silly and didnt tell people to go away and ended up absolutely exploding one day at someone because I had had so many people just visiting and being more of a hinderance than a help. Its nice to have visitors and all, but not if theyre just going to stand there expecting you to talk to them when all you want to do is sleep.

Dont let people make you feel guilty because you breastfeed baby to sleep/cant breastfeed/have a dirty house/dont let your baby cry.

Go with your instinct. Its ok to smile and say thanks when people give you advice that you have absolutely no intention of using. We got so much advice and at the time I just said thanks, but when I went away and though about it, I just though there is no way I am doing that to my baby.