Welcome to the bad mother club!

[maz]

OMG Maz. You know what haunts me the most from that... the fingertips. I know the rest is just dreadful as well, but OMG.. that is just sick torture.

I felt exactly the same way I jsut cant picture someone being so horrid

But Kirsty's right, a bad mother doesn't question herself, and doesn't care about her child - and certainly wouldn't come in here and advertise. You're human, All-Boys, just like the rest of us. As soon as you realised that your little boy was hurt, you did something about it. You're not psychic, you can't be expected to know every little thing - all you can do is react the right way when you have all the information, WHICH YOU DID

And that is exactly the point I want to make.

Your are showing remorse for trying to teach your child that there would be a conseqence to his actions. Its not like he was playing with a knife now either was it.

The woman is the link I placed up had put her boyfriend before her child. She showed no remorse, no mothering, no love! That to me is a bad mother. She is a disgrace and should never be allowed to reproduce again!

[~clover~]

Ooh, Maz. I've read about poor Baby P before...I cannot bear to look again
Poor poor baby went through more torture than most adults could handle. I still think of him & his hell life often & want to cry, & I think I read about it about 6 months ago.
I don't know how these people do those things. No human could do that. I could stand a child murderer before I could stand someone like that. To torture a child for that long & in that way...
Sorry...gotta go...read something happy to try to take my mind off this again.


Hope you feel better now hun xx You are a great mum & you know it Accidents happen every day!

[Rouge]

No I don't think she's a bad mother, but I don't think doudou was saying that she was a child abuser either (Sorry for using you as an example...). I think EVERYONE has done something as a parent they aren't proud of, it shouldn't be a matter who is worse or better than the next (and we don't need pedestals for either side as the higher we climb the harder we fall!). However, I would expect my friends and loved ones to also tell me, albeit in a gentle way, if they thought I could have done something better as a parent and because I love and respect them I would listen. Where's the middle ground here? Why do we need to go one way or the other. We can be respectful in saying "yeah probably wasn't the best thing to do, I've been there and xxx has helped me to remember what not to do... However you aren't the worlds worst mother or you wouldn't be questioning yourself". Lets all put this into perspective. This isn't child abuse, but it isn't even the way Ali wished she'd responded (and I know I'd feel the same way if I was her!) so I'm not sure I'd want everyone telling me its ok to parent my children in a way I didn't want to... KWIM?

Am I making sense or is this just midnight drivel?

[maz]

I think I get ya (says the one midnight driveller to another )

I wasnt even taking in Doudou's (sorry chicky to put it back to you ) response to be honest. She was entitled to what she thought totally as to we all are. I wanted to show and express my thoughts on someone who is a bad mother......its not just the actions involved its the feeling, remorse and mothering skills that some lack.

I apologise for placing the link up to anyone who was upset by it.

[Liz]

but it isn't even the way Ali wished she'd responded (and I know I'd feel the same way if I was her!) so I'm not sure I'd want everyone telling me its ok to parent my children in a way I didn't want to... KWIM?

ok... it's starting to sound like we all need to follow a script here. What exactly would you like us to say? We can't agree that it was a terrible thing to do.. and we can't say it's ok, we've done something similar?

I don't see anything wrong with not showing sympathy when they've blatantly continued doing something they've been asked not to, ok.. so I might not walk away, but I certainly show little sympathy apart from tending wounds and a bit of reassurance that they're ok. I think the only thing that really happened here was she didn't stop and check how hurt he was, and the way I read it, that is what she feels guilty about.. not about how she had chosen to let him deal with his consequence. I don't see it as remorseful for her parenting choice.. just sorry she missed that he really had hurt his head.

[kirsty_lee]

ok... it's starting to sound like we all need to follow a script here. What exactly would you like us to say? We can't agree that it was a terrible thing to do.. and we can't say it's ok, we've done something similar?

I don't see anything wrong with not showing sympathy when they've blatantly continued doing something they've been asked not to, ok.. so I might not walk away, but I certainly show little sympathy apart from tending wounds and a bit of reassurance that they're ok. I think the only thing that really happened here was she didn't stop and check how hurt he was, and the way I read it, that is what she feels guilty about.. not about how she had chosen to let him deal with his consequence. I don't see it as remorseful for her parenting choice.. just sorry she missed that he really had hurt his head.

:yeahthat:

[Mum2SweetCs]

That clip ... speechless ... and the sad thing is there are cases similar to this everyday around the world =(

R.I.P Baby P.

Sorry for the hijack.

[Rouge]

No Liz I wasn't saying you had to follow a script, what I was asking was why wasn't there middle ground? And in your situation you were saying it is something YOU do, so IMO that was fine, you were just talking about your experience. It just seemed really confronting to me to see "Pfft it doesn't matter, even if he hurt himself" and then extremely confronting abuse videos and then a good telling off? No middle ground. Not from my angle anyway.

Maybe I've misunderstood the situation? I dunno, I was just thinking outside the square here thats all.

[*becstar*]

Of course it matters if he hurt himself but the thread wasn't about how hurt he was it was about how Stacey felt like a bad Mum and she wanted support for feeling bad/guilty.

I thought BB was a place of support. If no one was anything supportive to say just don't say it at all. I doubt Stacey was looking for a damn debate.

Sorry Stacey, don't usually get on my soapbox here but this is just getting ridiculous!

xxx

[Visitor8]

oh lovely it doesn't make you a bad mother. I haven't read all the replies but I just wanted to say i've done way worse. Take yesterday for example, i got so mad at my 4 year old for not sleeping that i practically threw him into bed. Was I proud? Hell no. I felt really upset after but i was having a shocking day and my kid getting out of bed every 5 minutes for 3 hours got to me. I don't think I am a bad mother though because we all snap sometimes

[Visitor8]

Maz that video is so so sad

[Rouge]

Ahhh phoey, my eloquence obviously sucks today (and at midnight too by the looks of it) I didn't mean to insinuate that no one cared about him hurting himself, of course everyone cares who wouldn't. And my apologies Stacey for calling you Ali...

Maybe I misinterpreted the thread. Hey I'm not perfect and I don't always have the answers (just my observations). I just thought maybe Stacey was looking for assurance but also advice, and in no way did I think she should be accused of being a bad mother. And no I didn't want to start a debate either, I was just voicing my observations even if they were not the same as everyone here.

Where's my white flag...

[Phteven]

*hands Cai a white flag* (and hopes she doesn't notice that it's got a little bit of crusty weet-bix on it)

[Bathsheba]

*waving a white flag of her own*

[*becstar*]

and my white flag too......geez...I musta been having a bad day

[Bumperstump Cummerbund]

With all the white laundry in here, should this be moved into the Domestic Goddess forum?