ADVICE needed: Talking about death with very young children

[RoyaUK]

I received very sad news today that my 3 yr old's kinder teacher has died (heart attack), yesterday i think. She was due to see her next on Monday.

How do i talk to my 3yr & 5 yr old about it? my 3 yr old loved her teacher so much, i don't know how to start the conversation or what to say

[Eenee]

No expert here but depending on your religion your beliefs in what happens when someone dies I'd teach her along those lines. If she's had a pet die you can say that she's gone to be in heaven like (insert pet name here). Tell her she was sick and that God chose her to be with him. Or gone up into the clouds. Something like that that's truthful enough without scaring her about death and dying. Oh don't even know whether I'm making sense. Kids need to learn about death sometime, because you could lie and say she's gone away but kids are smart and if she hears that something else happened that would complicate things.

[briggsy's girl]

i think Em's mention of your own beliefs is really important. if you are religious, you will approach it very differently (heaven etc) than if you're not

if you want simplistic terms, perhaps just explain that she was very sick, and she can't be at kinder anymore. you can mention that she died, and only go into more depth if you feel it's needed. only you will know what your children will grasp best.

i know my IL's said to their three year old that BIL had gone to heaven when he died. she didnt' understand that (not religious and it had never been explained) - when they went to view him before the funeral, the three year old said "i didn't know heaven was in (town name)" - she simply didn't understand when it wasn't explained in terms she got kwim?

[RoyaUK]

Thanks, yes, we're not religious at all and i believe in being honest with the kids so i think i need to say that she was sick and died (and not just sick) but i wish my baby girls didn't have to learn about this so young. I know my 5 yr old is going to have many questions that will probably throw me too and i feel quite unprepared.

[megs]

Is the kindegarton, or Dept of Education organising some form of counselling for the children. I can only imagine this would be quite confronting for the entire kinder group especially so late in the year. Just thinking that they may have some good advice to give.

[skybie]

We took the honesty approach when telling DD1 that DS had died, no sugar coating no anything. Just plain and simple,Jack has died and wont be coming home to live with us, its ok to be sad and to cry ect.
At this age, it is something that needs to be repeated, but always keep it simple and honest, Teacher has died and she is now in heaven and wont be coming back, reitterating that its ok to be upset and cry.
It gets frustrating, but theres no confusion if u keep it honest and simple, all the best