advice from other parents on benefits of having children close in age or not

[1pj]

I wasnt sure what to post this and hope it doesnt sound too strange,it took me 10 years to convince my DH to have a family and now DD is 18 months Im ready to try again but not mainly for me but for her,i would like her to have a sibling quite close and I feel weve left it a bit long already but DH wants to wait another say 4 months then try,he doesnt seem to hear my complaints of how long it could take and then how long your pregnant for i just really dont want a big gap like 3 years is max gap id like but I know not starting till she is nearly 2 it could even be a 4 year gap but also im trying to be patient and keep in mind that nothing against my Dh but because of his work and things I do have to do most of the looking after our DD so I know when the next one comes it will be the same so then in some ways i wonder if maybe it is better for me also but i cant get out of my head how i really dont want a huge gap for DD she loves other kids and i feel if we dont have one soon by time shes say 4 she be getting ready for off to school anyway!So what i was hoping to get(after all that raving)if i could ask goods and bads like if youve had your children close has this been good and if not has that been good?pros and cons of each maybe sorry sounds so daft!Thanks1

[Twin Sister]

I just posted on a similar thread. My son is just over 2.5 and we just had a baby. This age gap is perfect for us as DS is able to actually help me with the baby (fetch diapers and burp clothes, take diapers to trash, and he loves to rock her and sing to her in her baby chair) and since he can do a lot of things for himself (feed self, take self to potty, dress self) it made taking care of him in pregnancy (and now that we have two to look after) doable. If he had been any younger it would habve been a lot more work.

[Kazmar]

My girls are JUST under 2.5yrs apart

Forus it's the best! Not to far that the older one doesn't want to play with the younger, but not to close that the older is jealous of the younger for being 'the baby'

Each to their own, but it works for us

[Teeki]

Just thought I might provide the "child's" point of view (although I realise this will be different for each child). My brother is 2.5 years younger than me, and I think it's ideal. I can vaguely remember helping Mum out when we were younger, and we were close enough in age to be good friends. At school we were 2 years apart, which was good as we had some same friends, but also plenty of separate ones. I don't know if it's due to the age, but I can only a remember 2 or 3 fights I had with him growing up. We always had a great time together!

Good luck, hope you & DH can come to an agreement

[Tinks]

My eldest 2 are 18mths apart. While it was hard work when they were toddlers, I enjoy the age gap. They've always been really great mates and have had each other to play with all their lives. They do fight but they're 13 and 11 now and get along great most of the time.

My sister and I are 17mths apart and we always got along when we were young. When we were teenagers we hated each other but now we're best friends. We talk to each other on the phone every day etc. We used to have the same friends and even get asked if we're twins lol.

I really enjoy the small age gap both with my kids and my sister.

My youngest is 4 years yonger than my middle child and 5 yrs younger than the eldest. I really enjoyed that age gap more than the 18mth one. I had more time to spend with her as a baby than I did with the other 2. The older 2 doted on her, they used to try to help feed and change nappies. They loved playing with her. I find the 4 yr age gap a bit hard now that dd is 11 though. They both share a bedroom, DD1 is getting older and DD2 annoys her and doesn't understand that she can't do the things that DD1 is doing. That's my only issue with them atm though.

I suppose they all have their good and bad points.

[deletedit]

Another vote for 2.5 years as the ideal gap - my toddler absolutely LOVES the baby and tries to help with everything

I also have a 7 and 9.5 year gap here. 7 is so-so, you get moderate amounts of help from the bigger one while the small one is a baby, then a year or so of the big one using the little one as a toy, then constant arguments when the little one suddenly sprouts a strong will and doesn't want to be a toy anymore but wants to play with the big one's stuff instead. With the 9.5 year age gap the two of them might as well not be related, the big one shows almost no interest at all, and probably will never change - they're opposite genders too. But its early days yet, we'll see.