Alcohol and teenagers what would you/do you do?

[Inanna]

I have been thinking about this thread since yesterday...

Firstly my father is an alcoholic & an ex Police Officer. I grew up in a culture that drank - all the time.

In my youth I was a binge drinker - I would go out & drink & have fun - but the fun always involved alcohol.

FWEXH drinks quite heavily in my judgement & no social occassion is without alcohol.

I love nothing more than a good quality organic red wine - I love it & I would have one whilst cooking. But I've changed my viewpoint. I love having fun - fun is my friend - however I've noticed in our culture more and more fun doesn't often occur without alcohol. That concerns me. Spiritually, emotionally & socially.

Alcohol is a drug & we seem to brush over this. But it is a drug. It's the most destructive drug because it is acceptable & legal. It is the cause of more deaths and more accidents than any other drug. Yet we easily partake of it at kids birthdays, sporting events and in our own kitchens... It is the cause of immense pain & yes great mirth... But it's not without it's costs.

I haven't had a drink of wine for about 3 months. Before then it was Christmas. By choice. I won't share alcohol with my children & I won't allow them a "taste". It's an adult drink and with it come adult responsibilities.
I would never drink while carrying them in utero so I won't give it to their still developing bodies/brains when they are born!

Last night I went to a party with my kids & as I was driving I didn't have any alcohol (I personally will not drive with any alcohol on board). I had an absolute ball. My kids had an absolute ball & they could see that alcohol wasn't needed. In fact Finny said to me: "Are you going to have a glass of wine mum"...When I said no as I had to drive the car he answered that "well it's the people that make the fun anyway hey mum".... (I felt I could have died then and my work would have been done!)

I LOVE a good wine & I LOVE how it makes me feel. But it IS a drug. It is a crutch for coping with life. Or for coping with social situations if you are a bit nervous or whatever.... But it IS a drug.

So, as such I will not share it with my kids. I will model respectful & responsible consumption of alcohol. I will treat it with the awe it deserves as it can be a very very destructive drug in a benign looking bottle...

[MrsFabuloso]

Innana, what you say is very true. Alot of your thoughts is how I think too. I drink a bit, not alot and very rarely has it been to the point of real drukenness. I can't remember the last time I drank to excess. I hate the feeling of ebing out of control and slow and not knowing what is going on around me.
Alcohol is a drug and that fact is often overlooked in society today. It is a very destructive drug fro some. One which I hope to teach my children to treat accordingly. As you say it is a legal drug and therefore much more of a threat than most others.
That is why I feel that if I condoned my child having some alcohol in my presence, I would be in a way saying it's ok for them to try other drugs in my presence. Why would I let them have and probably be the one to purchase an alcoholic drink, but not get them a packet of cigarettes, or some pot or whatever it may be. To me it would be hypocritical in some way. I may not be saying it clearly, my thoughts are quite mixed. I see this from so many view points. Like many have said before I suppose it will depend on the natures of my children, and what sort of messages I manage to send them throughout their lives in regards to such things.
I don't dislike alcohol. I'm just afraid for my children. Still some time to be worrying about such things, but DH and I have such a different perspective it is going to be difficult to find a common ground. Hopefully we can teach them well, help them be responsible teenagers and eventually adults. Hopefully they will see having fun like your little one does, that the people are what makes things fun. Not the beverages that go with it!
I am lucky in that I haven't had any negative outcomes from alcohol. DH father was and in my opinion still is an alcoholic. I'm not sure that DH really sees it or if he's just in denial. DH was in the navy and is a police officer now. Both organisations have a large culture of drinking, particularly the navy. DH drank alot when we were younger, mostly only when I wasn't around. If I was with him he was responsible and looked after me. Now he's older with the responsibility of a family he doesn't drink much at all. He will have 1-2 a few times a week sometimes, but then we go for months without any alcohol in the house at all. So alcoholism isn't an issue for us and we are both responsible with it. And naturally being pg or when bfing I don't drink, I might have a drink at a celebration if I'm bfing, but generally I just abstain.

[diannescruffy]

DH's father was an alcoholic as was his grandfather. DH has shared with the boys how alcohol ruined his childhood. He got beaten up by his father and watched his mother being beaten. DH was allowed to sit with his dad and drink alcohol at the age of 14. By the age of 16 they were best drinking buddies. By the time DH was 25 he already had liver damage. The amount of accidents he had on his motorbike because he would ride under the influence. I could go on and on with these stories. Every family is different and have different circumstances but because of DH's past we do not even keep alcohol in the house and definately NOT be offering to our children under the age of 18. As Inanna said alcohol is a drug and can be very addictive. Education is the key.

Regards,
Dianne

[briggsy's girl]

I haven't had a drink of wine for about 3 months. Before then it was Christmas. By choice. I won't share alcohol with my children & I won't allow them a "taste". It's an adult drink and with it come adult responsibilities.

i guess in it's own way, this is what i'm getting at - i don't believe that turning 18 makes an "adult" - some individuals are mature well beyond their years and reach that level of maturity much earlier. some are in their 40's and still haven't!

i won't automatically let DD have a drink with us at a certain age. i will judge her maturity - if she is like her mum, i have no drama with teaching her responsible drinking from a reasonable age (can't say what taht age is though - will depend on her!) - if she is emotionally and socially immature, i won't. really will depend on her



someone mentioned not knowing the last time they were "drunk" - i can. clearly. it was the thursday before the labour day weekend 2006 - i got home from work and had a couple of drinks outside with DH and his bestie - that was all it was supposed to be. but bestie's wife showed up and then a few other friends and we had a few more. unlike every other time i've ever had anything to drink, i hadn't had much to eat during the day, and i drank a lot more than i should have. i KNOW that. i didn't eat dinner as we just sat outside (gorgeous night lol) i woke up next morning for work and couldn't go as i knew i was still under the influence. i've not drunk to excess since then. i won't drink without having food available (and i encourage others to eat - it may not "mop up the alcohol" as many believe - but the distraction of eating finger food often slows the drinking!)

we are already teaching DD about drinking. yeah, it sounds stupid - she's 14 months old - but we already talk about what she can have and what she can't, why that's a big person drink and why it isn't. i actively talk to her (and my bro's kids if they're here) about what it means if we drink etc (can't drive, have to walk and all that stuff). i don't hide (from anyone) that my bil was an alcoholic. i don't get graphic about how he died, but i'm not afraid to admit that he drank himself to death. it has given me a more healthy respect for what can happen, and it will help me to be able to educate DD.


i am, however, sick of people that gloss over BIL's alcoholism (his friends that we are also friends with) - they HATE the label. sorry, but he WAS an alcoholic. he may have been high functioning, but he was an alcoholic. i won't gloss it over, and i have had some very heated discussions with people about alcoholism!


argh - i sound like a walking contradiction! i have a problem with excessive drinking or binging, responsible drinking no i don't

[Inanna]

I think I understand what you're saying BG. I think you're saying that with alcohol comes responsibility & that's judged case by case & that you have already begum to model what you see as healthy alcohol consumption to Emerald. Yes???

I too have issues with excessive drinking & alcoholisim is a dirty word in my family also.

I am not really sure when the brain is less affected (that is at what age brain maturity is reached) & that would be interesting to learn if anyone knows? For to me it is potentially dangerous to introduce this drug to an undeveloped brain/body...

[Lulu]

I read somewhere that the liver can't metabolise alcohol properly (in females I think) until after the age of 18. I wish I'd bookmarked where I read that.

Anyhoo, just wanted to point out that my family is spread all over vic, we only get together once a year, twice if there is a wedding. But there is still plenty of alcohol! I don't think it's a crutch in all situations, not by a long shot.

BG that pub is scary and pathetic really. My family run pubs like well oiled machines and crappy behaviour just isn't tolerated.

[diannescruffy]

Few people realise that alcoholism is a disease. Alcoholics CANNOT control their drinking. DH can't even take a sip of alcohol as it will cause him to fall again. I'm not sure where I read this but I read that it is much harder for an alcoholic going through withdrawals than a drug addict giving up drugs. BG I get exactly what you mean by the label Alcoholic.

Regards,
Dianne

[briggsy's girl]

I think I understand what you're saying BG. I think you're saying that with alcohol comes responsibility & that's judged case by case & that you have already begum to model what you see as healthy alcohol consumption to Emerald. Yes???

yeah that's it - it would be hypocritical of me to say all alcohol is bad, because i sometimes do have a drink. but i want her to learn what is ok, and what isn't. most teens i know don't learn by being dictated to (sorry, that's a harsh way of saying things, but i'm feeling cruddy and i can't think of another way to say it lol) - if they are told NO, they will rebel, whereas if they have the WHY explained, they are more likely to listen (definitely not all, but more of them lol). i want E to grow up knowing we respect her, that we deserve respect in return, but that there will always be boundaries that can't be crossed kwim?

BG that pub is scary and pathetic really. My family run pubs like well oiled machines and crappy behaviour just isn't tolerated.

yes, yes it is!
you can tell when the owners are away for a while - they get someone with half a clue to manage it, and patronage goes through the roof!

Few people realise that alcoholism is a disease. Alcoholics CANNOT control their drinking. DH can't even take a sip of alcohol as it will cause him to fall again. I'm not sure where I read this but I read that it is much harder for an alcoholic going through withdrawals than a drug addict giving up drugs. BG I get exactly what you mean by the label Alcoholic.
'

i think some regular drinkers are scared they are going to be labelled themselves if you start to discuss it. i know this is where our last "discussion" came from. friend hated the label and wouldn't listen when we tried to explain why. he drinks regularly and accused me of calling him an alcoholic. i simply asked him if he could stop drinking right at that moment. not have another drop for x amoutn of time (i think i said a month) - he said of course he could, he does it for work regularly. he doesn't get the shakes, he doesn't go into withdrawal because he is not addicted. BIL was told several months before he died that his liver was failing and he needed to stop drinking. when he went to the GP (he got rolling drunk and fell down, breaking his shoulder), she told him to stop, he was killing himself. next time he went, he put a lot more aftershave on so she couldn't smell the grog, and lied and told her he'd stopped. he couldn't stop. he was in serious pain from the shoulder, but instead of panadol (he had access to much stronger prescription meds), he was buying a bottle of scotch every day. he was still working - could go all day at work without a drink - but as soon as he was no longer responsible for anything, he HAD to have a drink. he couldn't be at home without a drink on hand, he couldn't socialise without drinking... he WAS an alcoholic. he wasn't just a drinker.

i have been on the receiving end of alcohol related death threats, so i know how serious the issue is - and i guess that's why i want to teach E about responsible consumption rather than simply saying no

argh - hope that makes sense!

[diannescruffy]

Makes a lot of sense BG and you are right, there is a big difference between a drinker and an alcoholic.

Regards,
Dianne