I had a behaviour social worker around yesterday and we talked about it and narrowed down the licking to asserting his own space. He has never been cuddly and has always been a bit standoffish. He seems to be trying to create his own untainted area around his own body (and his most special toys which he licks if anyone else touches them).
Then we had another social worker today (diff agency, but both work together). She did a kindy observation and spent some time with him. We may get a support worker to help with the school transition, so he will get used to them at kindy and they will go over to school with him when he starts.
Arte, that's great it sounds like there's some support forthcoming re W's transition to school. I hope you're feeling a bit better about where this is at. Have they suggested any strategies for addressing the licking/clothes things directly, or are they running with trying to reduce his anxiety/restore more of a sense of control?
Hi OP.
Just reading your thread now, and I feel as though my eldest daughter is much the same as your son. I completely empathize with the struggle it is, as well as the thoughts of 'where did we go wrong?'.
My DD is 4 and a half, and her compulsive behaviour is asking the same question over and over, even if she knows the answer. She also in the past has licked her hands or rubbed saliva over her arms, legs and face. She also gets us to repeat stuff until we say it correctly. Also demands we look at her face when she is talking to us, and will continuously restart if she is remotely interrupted. It is very, very tiring.
My daughter goes to Kindy, 3 full days a week, and I can positively say that it is something that makes this behaviour occur a lot less, and easier to manage.
Talking to various people, and my DF and I have boiled it down to boredom, or under stimulation. Pretty much my DD is gifted (not officially 'diagnosed' as yet, getting there) and she needs extra stimulation to keep her brain ticking, if her brain isn't ticking she falls into this annoying, compulsive behaviour. DD is ahead of the kids in her class.
Her teacher has been brilliant, and sends home extra work for DD to do, to keep her brain going.
MD, they said just to ignore the licking thing and we are going to build up his self esteem. Not sure how.
Bellybug, thank you very much for your post. It is great to find someone else with similar issues (not that I would wish it on any child). My DS was recently tested as gifted in some areas. He goes to kindy 5 days per week (4.5 hours per day). I just can't have him at home during the day, his behaviour goes downhill very fast. DS is the same with falling into this draining behaviour when he is bored. Those couple of good months we just had were when he was into Ben 10, watching it, role playing it, reading lists of all the aliens etc. Then one day he said he didn't like Ben 10 anymore and that is when our (current) troubles began.
At school visit yesterday the teacher did some assessment with him, he got 80/86 sight words right and easily read a book that was the highest level she teaches to. She also did a maths test but I am not sure yet how he did in that. She is going to talk to the principle and he might go into the next class. I think that is a good idea. I was happy with the work being too easy for him if the class size was small, but the teacher says she has another 10 kids coming in the next couple of months and only 1 in her class is ready to move up so the class is going to be 20ish kids very soon.
So W was writing a letter for me last night and I read it this morning:
Dear mum, this is hard to say but can you stop growling at me ok
and
Mum, can you stop saying not nice things to me ok mum
Poor kid. I have completely stuffed up this whole parenting thing. Did I somehow expect that all the time I spent hating being stuck at home wouldn't rub off on him? I can't even touch him without him tensing up and posturing away, and then he licks himself clean afterwards
I have two separate agencies trying to help him, but they only talk to me and he just carries on doing the same stuff. I am sure now that he has the obsessive thoughts too, he thinks he will turn into certain things if he doesn't clean it off after he has touched them.
Arte hugs, that is hard to hear from your child. I heard something in the days when I was struggling with pnd, you only have to get it right 1/3 of the time, and you will be doing a great job. This is not your fault in any way, sounds like either a developmental or chemical thing. Give yourself a break, you're only human. It would be hard to not be able to hug and kiss your child. Maybe think of another way you two can show your love for each other without touching. One important thing you can do is make sure your DS understands that you love him no matter what, even though you find the licking odd.
Sent from HTC wildfire using TAPATALK, so forgive any spelling errors its a small keyboard.
Ginger, one of the agencies has a child psychotherapist. They don't seem to be in any hurry to do any sort of actual treatment for him though, and it is just becoming more and more engrained
I don't even think I am getting it right 1/3 of the time. I just seem to be missing the mark
Big hugs. You're doing a great job in a really challenging situation,
A psychotherapist isn't a psychologist. If he does have OCD, he really needs to be in the care of a psychologist or a psychiatrist. Can you get a referral from your GP? If it's OCD or similar, it is an illness and won't just go away, no matter how much love you give (and I know you give oodles). It is like trying to fix a broken leg with cuddles and encouragement to walk.
Start sending an email a day to somebody in charge. Send 10 a day. Nz is slow and small towns slower
I hope you can yet some help soon. Maybe a trip to Auckland or welly to see somebody? that a hassle though being far away from home
------------------------
unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. its not.
Dr Seuss
Have you spoken to the gp and asked directly for a referral to a specialist child psychologist? Sometimes you have to be really quite pushy and direct.
The lady that came today is going to talk to the other agency tomorrow and decide where to go from here. The GP would only refer me to the Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service that I am already seeing (there aren't a whole lot of options around here).
DT, I don't think travelling to Auckland or Wellington is much of an option - both are at least 4 hours from here and I have the younger kids as well. I guess if we have to then we have to, but I would prefer to try something closer to home first since any help is likely to need to be ongoing.
On the bright side, he wrote more notes this afternoon that said 'Mum is loved very much by her family' and 'I love mum she give me big cuddles' so it isn't a complete train wreak.
Yeah thought so. Really hope there is something close to you.
If you can find the GAPS thread there is some interesting stuff going on in there with diet. And in general you might find people dealing with other special behavior.
Those notes are so sweet. Only a fantastic mummy gets notes.
------------------------
unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. its not.
Dr Seuss
Reply With Quote
2013 BellyBelly RAK Recipient.
Bookmarks