thread: DH wants parental leave - am I just being selfish?

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  1. #1
    Registered User

    Jun 2010
    Tiny Town
    4,675

    Hey everyone, thanks for your replies I haven't had a chance to look into it (the scheme) further yet, but I'm pretty certain we couldn't take leave (from my employer & the government) at the same time, because then we'd both be classifying ourselves as the primary carer. I'm also pretty certain the leave can be taken by either parent within the first year of the baby being born, so we shouldn't have any problems starting it at 24 weeks.

    Also, a benefit for us is that I only work a few minutes from home, so expressing wouldn't be hard and I usually come home for my lunch hour. Now that I've been thinking about it longer, I reckon if hubby wants that time with bubs to experience what I get to have for those first 24 weeks, it can only be a good thing for them both bonding-wise and for hubby to know what it's like to be the full time parent and me to know what it's like to leave for work every day.

    But yeah, we'll think about it more when the time gets nearer I suppose. Thanks!

  2. #2
    Registered User

    Nov 2007
    Southwest Syd
    1,858

    My DH took his long service leave at half pay when DD was 11 months old (not quite the same as 6 months) and it was the most wonderful thing for them. He had 6 months at home with her. They are so close now and it meant she was 18 months when she went to day care. We felt lucky to have had her home with us for all that time. I missed her terribly and thought I'd miss out on things but it I jsut had to remind misyelf DH had missed out on so much already!
    If it ends up that he can't take it and you get your work scheme and the government scheme at the same time (in my job I will get both) maybe you could save the 18 weeks worth of money for him to stay home later on?

  3. #3
    Registered User

    Dec 2006
    In my own private paradise
    15,272

    Family Assistance Office | C. What do I do if I am eligible?
    this link outlinees it all a little more - it appears you can take your paid parental leave AFTER your mat leave (if you're entitled to it) - so as long as the mother qualifies, she can take a small amount of it first, and then hand it over to the father (i don't see anything in there about ONLY the father getting the whole 18 weeks, but i've only skimmed). as long as the mother has returned to work and the father (or other mother!) is considered primary carer at that time.

    from a personal POV - i looked at returning to work for financial reason when DD was 8 months old but we weren't ready. she was feeding frequently over night due to teething, she was very clingy, and just not ready to be apart from me (admittedly, for several months i'd been her ONLY carer due to DH's work situation being away from home) - i wouldn't make any firm agreements with your DH about him taking x time off work after you've had a certain period as you need to see how you're going at that time. the last thing you want to do is commit to something and find that its just not going to work for your family dynamic. wait til your bub arrives.

    i do agree that taking a period (even it's it's just the last month or two of that paid leave entitlement) when the baby is on solids and less dependent on mum for BM, it is a fantastic idea for dad to be primary carer for a while. My DH is doing that now while i work and is loving it - we "weaned" her off relying heavily on me between 9.5 and 10.5 months (got Daddy to do sleep time routine sometimes etc) to get her used to it, and we've had NO drama with me going to work at all. now if only these teeth would finish cutting and she'd go back to sleeping through so that it's not drama for ME that i have to get up and go to work in the mornings!

  4. #4
    Registered User

    Jun 2010
    Tiny Town
    4,675

    Snap BG - I've just looked that up too! Thanks And thanks for the insight re: what yourself & hubby did with your daughter. I'm thinking that if we could get bubs used to feeding with daddy with a bottle, if I've expressed or something, then it could be do-able and I'm not far from home anyway. But I'm also thinking that it's something that should be decided later when we actually have a baby (lol!), and we know how we're all working in together. The only thing that worries me about that is work - they won't know for certain if I'll be there for those 18 weeks or not. But seriously, too bad! Gotta do what's best for us

  5. #5
    Registered User

    Dec 2006
    In my own private paradise
    15,272

    a lot of employers ask for a certain amount of notice (mine was 4 weeks) of your planned return to work. i was booked out for the full 12 months of leave, but was able to return early with that notification.

    you may decide not to try a bottle until there is no need for a bottle anyway - at five months, DD was able to take a sippy cup rather than a bottle - she really wasn't keen on bottles (they're nothing like boobies lol) but will take anything from a sippy cup... wait til you see your Bub's personality and your own feelings towards returning to work before you decide. i know i was/am a shocker for expressing (get bugger all for my efforts) so if i'd returned to work before DD had cut back a lot of feeds on her own to replace them with solids and water, i may have ended up being unable to maintain enough supply for her to continue BF. there is lots to consider with this decision. first one is getting you pregnant lol