DH wants parental leave - am I just being selfish?

[peanutter]

I know this is an older thread = I just stumbled across it, so am not sure whether you're still discussing it ...

I got 10 weeks paid leave, and took 1 week before DS arrived, and then 9 weeks after, then DH commenced his 12 months unpaid.

It worked great - we had DH feeding DS for one feed per day (with EBM or colostrum) EVERY day since birth, so DS grew up knowing how to feed the different ways, and I still express 3-4 times per day, so DS has an almost exclusive breastmilk diet. It can be done

And DS and DH have such a wonderful relationship ... if I'd been eligible for the 18 week paid leave, I think we'd probably still have done it this way, but maybe shared it a bit more - so had me taking an extra 2 or 3 weeks off before giving birth, and maybe an extra week or two afterwards.

It was totally find the way we did it this time, but any future babies I have will need to be by C-section, so I'm guessing a few extra weeks will be handy.

I'm pretty sure you can split the leave up between the parents, up to the non primary caregiver getting 4 weeks, and the primary caregiver getting 14 ... but check it out, and make sure you're clued up on what each of you are elibible for first ...

and find out whether your parental leave in your employment contract still exists when the paid parental leave kicks in, or whether it will not be able to be taken at different times - I've seen several mums on BB who have had nasty surprises from their workplaces when they've found out exactly how the paid parental leave system works.

so ask all those questions in advance, so you and your DH can make the best decision for you both

GL! And that your pregnancy is going smoooothly

[Teeki]

Thanks Peanutter By the time I actually got pregnant, I had started to really like this idea, and was so excited that DH would be able to spend time alone with the baby. Now that it's a reality though, his workplace is being entirely unsupportive. They'll need to replace him for those 18 weeks (I basically said well duh, what did they expect??) but they're saying they don't feel that they could then let that person go because DH has decided to come back. I don't believe it should be so hard - they should just hire someone on an 18 week contract!! As long as everyone knows where they stand no problem right?

The other issue is they don't want DH to be 'out of the loop' when he gets back with regards to training etc. He's due to start a second apprenticeship next year so that he has a dual trade, and I can understand that would need to be delayed, but I don't believe he would be completely out of it when he came back. I mean if I take all the leave, how much out of the loop will I be??

We considered maybe he'd take 4 weeks instead of the full 18, but the whole thing is just getting DH worked up, feeling like he can't do any of it And he feels like 4 weeks on his own with bubs after I've been there for ages and then going to daycare might just disrupt things even more We'll sort something out I guess!

Oh and yes, the pregnancy is all good so far

[peanutter]

thank goodness we have 9 months to prepare, with all the decisions and issues to sort out before our kids land!!

sorry to hear his work isn't being supportive - a lot of workplaces are just going to have to get used to the idea though, particularly the idea that (hopefully) a LOT of dads are going to want to exercise their rights in getting paid parental leave ...

I haven't looked into it heaps, but from what I read a while ago, I think that the parents can take some of it at the same time - the point being that the new mum can have her partner about for a few weeks at the start, and they can all spend some time together ...

maybe that's something you'd enjoy? even if it's only 2-3 weeks, he'll be able to spend loads of time with Tee and help you too ... those first few weeks are pretty special

as for the disruptions of changes with primary carers, day care, etc, be comforted - babies are pretty resilient little things, and can adapt pretty well

[Teeki]

Yeah I reckon I read somewhere that you can take some of it together, if there's a transition type perios - like if I were to transfer some to him, we could have two weeks or something at the same time to transition. Other than that he'll be using his annual leave as he has a bit built up.

Thanks

[Kazbah]

Kaytee - that's just discrimination, pure and simple. How is a dad taking paid leave different to a mum? I hope his workplace realise that they are being discriminatory!

[Pandora]

Have a look at the legistlation but I think his workplace don't get a choice. The law is the law whether they like it or not

[Teeki]

Yeah, I've told DH that it's actually against the law to prevent him taking the leave - if he were a woman it would be an entirely different story I bet. But it's kinda getting to him now, he doesn't really want to stir the pot and is now saying himself he's not sure he actually wants to spend so much time away from work.

I've still got a while before I have to give dates to my work and they're pretty flexible, so I'll just let him keep thinking about it for a while.

PS I love your avvy Pandora!

[OutbackWoman]

now, I know absolutely nothing about the paid parental leave scheme, can you get it at half rate though? that way DH can work part time, and you can work part time, so DH doesn't feel left out and had more time bonding with bubs.. just a thought

[Teeki]

now, I know absolutely nothing about the paid parental leave scheme, can you get it at half rate though? that way DH can work part time, and you can work part time, so DH doesn't feel left out and had more time bonding with bubs.. just a thought

I don't think we can do it this way, it can only be paid to the primary caregiver for 18 weeks full-time as far as I know. Either that or taking it as a baby bonus instead. When I do go back to work I want to do 4 days instead of 5, and really want DH to do the same but take a different day off so bubs is only in child care for 3 days a week. Even this he's not sure about though!!

[Kazbah]

Part pay maternity leave is usually a work / enterprise option and up to the employer.

Parental leave as paid by the government is, I think, available full-pay only. As BG mentioned above, there is a calculator where you can check where you'd be better off - with paid parental leave over the 18 weeks on minimum wage, or the baby bonus as paid in increments.

[Teeki]

Part pay maternity leave is usually a work / enterprise option and up to the employer.

Parental leave as paid by the government is, I think, available full-pay only. As BG mentioned above, there is a calculator where you can check where you'd be better off - with paid parental leave over the 18 weeks on minimum wage, or the baby bonus as paid in increments.

Lol Kazbah, every time you write a post I think what are you doing still here?? Hope bubs comes along soon

But as you said with the calculator, we had a look but that was a while ago and I don't remember which way we'd be better off. In any case I'd rather take the time off and be a bit worse off financially than go back to work sooner and and have to put bubs in daycare at only 24 weeks. This way we'll be getting 10 months before we need to go to daycare, I'm much happier with that!