It is a hard one.
On one hand the mother may really appreciate you saying something...she may be feeling lost or like a bad mummy and may relieved to find out there is a reason for his 'behaviour' and it is not her fault.
On the other she may be offended and tell you take a long walk off a short plank
I think I would be the former but we are all different.
It sounds like the slow approach you are doing now may be the way to go...just talk to her in the morning about your DD's traits that he has also and maybe she will put two and two together.
If you're damned if you do and damned if you don't, then the decision is easy. You say something. You give them the opportunity to get help earlier rather than later. This impacts the whole family.
It's then how you say something that counts. You may need to practice it a bit and it may depend on the situation on the day. Maybe even write a note and give it to her. Something like, I apologise if this is out of line, but I've noticed behaviour in your son that is similar to my daughter. etc etc. The reason I point this out is through experience, I know funding etc is age dependent. It is difficult to look at and I hope I'm wrong, but thought it might help...blah blah. You know better than I do what to say.
Her reaction to you is irrelevant. Just be prepared for a negative one. In this case, it's not about you, it's about the little boy and his family. You have information they need. As you're not friends, you're not risking that relationship. Just wear your protective armour that day It will take courage, but I think it's something you need to do.
your in a really tough spot....if i was in your situation i think id ask her if she wanted to get a coffee one day, talk to her a bit more when you know the bell isnt going to go off any second. and its a better environment, somewhere more private...rather than the school gate.
and just explain the stuff you went through with your child, you can see that her son is full on...maybe use phrases she uses to describe him, and ask if she has considered that your children might have some things in common.
but, like you said, its really about the kid, not the adults, and if i was her, and possibly had no idea about ASD id want someone to point me in the right direction......good luck....
I don't agree that her reaction is irrelevant, this woman has feelings and she has to front up to Kindy every week and see everyone. Depending on what type of person you are it's not easy to mix amongst people if you have been hurt, or feel embarrassed. I'm not saying you want to hurt her, but it may have that result. That really is not fair for her.
Again like I said previously do you know the she has not sought help or already questioned the behaviour? It can be like a real slap in the face to someone when you only have some of the facts and you go and tell them something they already know or realise and make them feel worse about it IYKWIM.
I don't say any of this to be rude, this is just my opinion.
When I said her reaction is irrelevant, I didn't mean hurt her feelings. Or that Yeddi's feeling are irrelevant, though it may read that way. I meant that they are lesser issues than the bigger issue of her little boy getting help if he needs it. I realise that come across as holier than thou - not sure how to communicate what I mean.
Of course it's difficult. I like the ideas given of inviting her for a coffee, then asking her gently if they've looked at professional help.
Are you able to spend anymore time with her, perhaps invite her around for a coffee.. get to know each other a little better and perhaps see where the convo leads. Maybe if she is aware of your situation she may open up about her own struggles with her DS and you can go from there??
it is a difficult position to be in, especially when you have to see her on almost a daily basis. next time she starts talking about something he does could you casually say "oh have you spoken to the paed or early childhood centre about your concerns ? thats what i'd do" and she might say oh im sure its nothing but it might plant the seed to get her thinking and you just look like you were giving general advice
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It will take courage, but I think it's something you need to do.
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