Do you wish you'd waited?

[nothing2lose]

I was born three weeks after my mum's 21st birthday. Not so unusual given it was 1971. But my whole young life it was made clear that I should not have children until my 30s and that I should accomplish things - study, career, travel, relationships, financial stability, etc - before having children.

I did that, and I have no regrets (except waiting so long to have the second!) In fact, I have always thought I would tell my own DD the same thing.

Similarly, my social circle all had children in their 30s, not their 20s. Although my own sister bucked the trend

It's only since being on BB that I see how common it is for couples to have children while in their early 20s. I have to say it kind of surprised me (which is me being naive ) While it isn't a choice I would have made for myself for my own reasons, each to their own, and no judgement from me. I want to say that again - NO JUDGEMENT FROM ME HERE!

But I have always been curious. Do any of you wish you had waited? I am not asking whether you regret having your children, just whether you wish you had had more time as a couple, or focused on study or career or whatever??? In other words, you have same kids, just 5-10 years later.

My intention isn't to offend anyone, but I have always wondered.

[Tinks]

DH and I were 22 when we had our first child. At 23 I had 2 children. I often wish we had waited.

[AmandaJ]

In some ways yes and in some ways no.

I was pg at 20 and had my first at 21, I wish that DH and I had more time together as a couple, but I think that because I had them so young I won't be all that old when they are older, then I can do my travelling etc.

[Traveller]

I had my first child when I was 23 (3 years after I got married), and had 4 children by the time I was 27. At times when I am paying my childcare bill I wish I had studied first but in fact I would never have found this career if I hadn't procreated first, so no, I don't wish I had waited. Apart from anything else I was so intensely broody in my early 20's that it would have been painful to try and suppress that. Now I am in my 30's and just as restricted in my social life as those of my friends who had kids in their 30's, but I know in 10 years I will have my social life back again whilst I'll still be young enough to enjoy it

[Novella]

We had a surprise baby when I was 24 although it had always thought I would chose to have children between 25-30.

Sometimes I wish I had been older, not so much for things I could have done but I feel like I am more confident and patient in my thirties, but then having three children has probably helped develop those skills . Also DH is 11 years older and didn't want to wait too long to grow our family as he was concerned about being an older father.

I do think I would have followed a different career path if I had waited to have children. I think I would have done post grad study a lot younger and I am now looking at doing it in my 30s with three children and its not so appealing thinking about the logistics of it all!

[BrightSparkles]

No, can't say I wish I had waited. I was 23 when DD1 came along. I always said I wanted kids at a younger age so I can enjoy them when they are older also. DH and I married after DD1 was born. We have been together since I was 16 too though, so that's already a long time to have been together. We can travel when they are a bit older

[nothing2lose]

I think that is another interesting variable bright sparkles. I went out with someone from 16-25. The thought of having had a child with him makes me want puke At the time though, he was the love of my life

[sloane]

i'll go the other way & say i wish i'd been younger. i didn't meet my dp until i was 32 so not much i can do about that (& given that he's 8 years younger than me, too much earlier would have been...awkward ). but now i'm 38 & i would have liked 3 children but now i feel time is against me - not that i think i'm too old just that i'd need to work if we wanted another (we'd need a new car etc if we were going to go to 3) & by the time we'd be better off financially, i'd be past when *i* would want to have kids.

then again, i had my chance to travel, live & work overseas and feel semi-fulfilled career-wise before children.

[Calluna]

I do wish we had waited. Not because of our age, but because of our circumstanes. I really hate our living circumstances. That said, who knows how long it would have been and how much the emotional toll of waiting would have affected our relationship. There is every posibility that we would have ended up in this exact same position anyway.

[~TT40~]

for me its not a matter of saying I waited... I had Spock when I was 28 and to me that was old to have my first. If life went to perfect plan I would have been having my 2nd at this age. (not just the LTTTC thing). Looking back I feel I wasted so much time before she was born. I wish I had use my time wiser and achieved more things before hand, because now I don't have the time to do it (she is still young and I know there will be time in the future). But I really do feel I wasted so much of my life, even though I did get a degree and a postgrad, I did have a career, I did get married and buy a house, I did go over seas, I did do a number of things on my bucket list, I still feel I could have done so much more, but only know that in retrospect.
Meeting DH late (in my perfect timelime of life meeting him when I was 25 was old), that along with his age, I feel we needed to make the most of our time together now, as later really might not be a option. but for me that meant kids too, so we had them earlier in our relationship than I probably would have otherwise.

[Heaven]

My Mum had me at 20 and have 4 kids before she was 30. All my extended family has also had their children young. But they have all been really happy with the decision and I always heard from my mum how great it was having her kids young and growing up with them and learning things together. So I guess I had that view too.

I am really glad I had kids when I did and I want to have 2 more soon too while I'm still young. I love that we will have more of our life together and I love growing up and experiencing life with them. I have never wished I had waited. But I am also not a career person. This is my career. This is what I've always wanted to do. Before kids I did my Masters at Uni but I always just felt like I was filling in time, waiting until I was old enough to have kids, LOL.

[RhiChiChi]

No, I wish I was younger. I was 30 when I had DD1 and that took 13 months of ttc and I was 36 when I had DD2. I still have accomplished what I wanted to and would have done so if I were younger.

[~Raven~]

Sometimes I wish I had waited. I didn't decide what I wanted to study until I was 23 so I was just beginning my career when I gave into my cluckiness (and DH who didnt want to wait) and had my first baby just before I turned 27. Now it feels like that study was a waste because I don't work in the industry I studied for 2 years and worked as a trainee in for a year. Part of that is my fault because I couldn't bear to put them in crèche and go back to work.

My kids are awesome though and the logical part of me knows they woudn't be the same kids if I had waited and that's what I think about when I get all "if only we waited till I was 30"

[PumpkinZulu]

Yes and no. I wish the issues that DH and I ended up having had come to light sooner in our relationship, because I would have reconsidered the timing of DD until things were more stable. 20/20 hindsight, right? But I definitely don't regret the age. Maybe because I left school at 16, an did a lot of working, partying and a little but of travel between 16-20 (when I conceived DD). I certainly don't find myself mourning my 'youth' or anything like that. Maybe because my idea of 'youth' isn't necessarily all about partying or living that typical hedonistic lifestyle I love being a parent at the age I am. DH and I have a stack of energy (not that that's really an age-based quality) and when I think about the future, I love how close in age we'll be to our kids. I have friends in their early 30's who have preteen kids, and the dynamic is just awesome. Same with friends who are in their 40's who have adult children. It's just really special to see. I feel like the first few years are/will be the hardest, because we're young, no established career yet etc, there's that period of living very simply, sacrificing and sometimes struggling as we learn to balance family, work, study and all the rest. But I think about where we'll be in 10 years as a family and it really excites me. Similarly, we think about our retirement, or even before that, when the kids have finished school. We'll be 40 when DD2 finishes school, and we'll probably aim to take a trip overseas and really kick back

I do know a few parents my age who obviously regret becoming parents so soon. We are the only couple in our group of friends and acquaintances who actively planned to be young parents though, everyone else we know conceived very early on in their relationships, and that would be hard. I have times where I worry that maybe we should have waited, so DD could have more toys or better clothes, or more holidays, but then I examine why I'm worrying about that, and I realise that it's not because it's really a personal concern of mine so much as it's a pretty common concern that much of society holds. But I'm content (and dare I say it) proud of our decision to start our family young, it's not something I lament or regret, so I'm not really bothered by other people's well meaning concern or opinions

[TeniBear]

I waited long enough, in my book. I was raring to TTC for about two years (so, almost as soon as DH and I were engaged) but made myself a promise that I'd wait until after the wedding. About a month before the wedding, we figured we might as well start trying and if it worked we could pass it off as a honeymoon baby... The next day (or so) I found out I was already 4ish weeks

ETA: Considering I started getting clucky around babies at age 12, I think I did alright Ianto was born when I was 23, Amelia when I was 24.

[MsMayy]

I do. It's hard to say because I wish I had waited so I had time to realize my ex dh and I weren't meant for each other. Our relationship was never fantastic but I fell into the roller coaster of it and I was so young I thought I was right in everything I was doing.
Now that I'm with my current partner I wish I had waited and he was the dad of my kids. Of course I'm so glad I have the children I do though and without everything I wouldn't have them.
All my family apart from my youngest sister had kids before 20. I hope my kids wait because at 19/20 you still have so much to learn! I was (am) still growing up while raising kids myself!
I don't regret anything though. But if I had a do over I would probably do it different.
Gosh it feels mean saying it. But I don't love my kids any less than I would have if I waited I just feel sorry that now they are growing up in a separated family.

[helle]

Nope. I couldn't think of anything worse than being 45 odd and having a 10 year old, to put it bluntly

[Mummy&Daddy2Be]

Nope. I couldn't think of anything worse than being 45 odd and having a 10 year old, to put it bluntly

i would have to agree with you there