How do i go about stopping this behaviour?

[~ Mylitta ~]

Maybe stop smacking her? That's all that stood out to me in your post, and I hope you take this the right way, but she see's you hitting her when she does something you don't like so in her mind wouldn't she think it's ok for her to hit people when they do something she doesn't like? I know people have very different views with smacking or not smacking but those are just my thoughts. In our house no one is allowed to hit anyone else so then it's not confusing for DD's. No one is allowed to hit no matter what. That doesn't mean they don't though! lol. So when they get frustrated and hit I just draw attention to what they have done and how it hurt the other person. So I will say 'DD, we don't hit people, hitting hurts, poor DD2, she's crying now because it hurt her when you hit her. What should you have done instead when you felt frustrated?' And I actually find that's enough usually. I actually try not to rely on punishment at all because I find it doesn't work. It only makes them try not to get caught or not do something to avoid getting punished, when I really want her not to do it because it's wrong and hurts people. So that's what I'm trying to teach her anyway.

That's pretty much the same as in our house. We don't use smacking for the same belief. I do sometimes use time out for my 3y3mth old in order to remove him from a situation. For example, if he is angry/frustrated and lashing out at his sisters I will take him to his bedroom so that he has a moment to calm down and it also takes him away from his sisters so he can't hurt them anymore. I don't lock the door (it doesn't have a lock even if I wanted to lol) and tell him that when he is calm and ready to play nicely with his sisters he can come out. He generally comes out a couple of minutes later in a completely different mood. Not always though, lol.

[onthefly]

Although I agree with setting an example for kids in not smacking, sometimes kids do hit and act out in physical aggression even if they have never been punished in this way.

Wanting the dummy is most likely her way of telling you that she wants to be the baby again - the centre of attention. Rather than stressing about getting rid of the dummy, it might be more effective to concentrate on meeting that need for reassurance.

[~Kaz~]

Wanting the dummy is most likely her way of telling you that she wants to be the baby again - the centre of attention. Rather than stressing about getting rid of the dummy, it might be more effective to concentrate on meeting that need for reassurance.

Another idea not previously mentioned relates to this. Misbehaviour from young (and older!) children is the expression of a need. If you work out what the underlying need is, and then meet it, then it will resolve the behavioural "problem". It's not always possible to meet every need kids have (nor necessarily desirable) but in this case I think she is expressing her uncertainty about her place in the family and with you. You can try a type of 'time-in' where you simply sit and observe her play. Give her your full attention, no TV, phones, screens or DS around. Simply give her your attention and provide some comment/commentary on what you observe. Don't ask too many questions and don't direct her play at all or make suggestions. Just be totally interested in whatever she is doing (you can set up the activity beforehand to make sure it's appropriate play behaviour but then just sit back and watch/comment). Don't over do the praise etc. You don't need to do this for very long at all 5-10 minutes should be heaps but it's a really powerful way to re-connect with kids and reassure them they are important to you. Hopefully you will see vast improvements in her general behaviour if you can build this into your daily routine and she will be more likely to be more receptive to redirection of her interactions with your DS.

Good luck!