I'm not sure I'm capable of being a SAHM

[AndiE]

However the idea of having two children at home with me all the time scares the living daylights out of me.

I'm scared I won't be any good at it.

I'm scared that I'll spend all day with a short fuse getting cranky.

I'm scared that I won't achieve anything.

I'm scared that taking DS1 out of childcare will make it even worse.

I'm scared that I won't be stimulating enough for my toddler.

I'm scared that I'll go completely bonkers.

Generally I'm pretty organised. Professionally I eat To Do lists for breakfast and kick arse. It's just the fact that I can't reason with these two little ones.

Wow hun, I think you just described how I felt before I had DS2. We even moved house when I was pg with DS2! The age gap between mine is similar to yours (20 months) too. I don't know if there's an easy answer for you - having two young (really young) kids can have its challenges. Some days are diamonds, others are coal. Some days you won't achieve much and the kids will drive you bonkers ... other days they'll be good as gold and you'll get stuff done.

I think the challenge for us practical, reasonably organised people is accepting that some things are out of our control. I know I can be very hard on myself when I "think" I'm going to do x,y,z during the day and I achieve none of it. I've also learnt to preempt/mitigate potential issues. Such as getting out of the house on time ... many, MANY months after DS2 was born I finally realised that whatever time I thought it would take to get ready and leave the house, I need to add an extra 30-40 mins on top of it. Some days in my head, I still think I'm capable of operating as a woman with no children ie/ get ready and be out the door in a flash. LOL. I think as time goes on it gets easier.

As for your DS1, it's a period of adjustment for him but my DS1 went through exactly the same thing at the same age (he's still not a great eater and sleeper) and he's turned out fine (barring the odd tanty). I do think it's probably less to do with how he's "feeling" and more to do with impending independence from mum and dad. He's probably worked out he has some control over his actions and is exercising them. Just a thought, anyway.

Try not to be scared ... it's a transition for you too and you'll adjust. Managing having two tiny kids does get easier ... why else would I be trying to have a third

ETA to say that we kept DS1 in childcare two days/week after DS2 was born - it was part of his weekly routine pre-DS2 and we felt it best to keep up with his normal routine post-DS2. It still meant he got 3 days home with mum.