those are really good questions, Aimee ...

As my DS is still quite small, I haven't had those kinds of issues ...

If I was in your shoes though, I think I'd be trying to get a few more "planned" activities into the week, where she would be occupied, but I could have some mental breathing space ... like swimming lessons, kids library sessions, Mainly Music or another playgroup type activity, Sunday School, etc ...

Some of those things are free, others obviously cost money so it would depend on finances a bit, but it would at least give me a few times a week where for an hour of so, I have headspace and a bit of calm ...

Hopefully some other mummas with older kids can make give you some more imput