Need a little help....but no judging please!

[Lulu]

Hang on, have a look back at the OP. Miss C has been this clingy since she was a tiny baby. It's not just her dad's place she doesn't want to go to, it's friends and family as well. She shows all the anxieties at home. I don't think inferring there is something awful going on at her dads will help.

[mummy2chloe]

thanks lulu it feels like the thread is going into a different direction her dad would never do anything to her, YES i know its not right that she is sleeping in her dads bed, but she wants to be in there cos she is so scared, not because he is making her!
As i said in the OP chloe and i are very close and i know for a fact, if anything happend to her she would of told me straight away!
She doesnt have the anxiety because of her father or the fear of her father, its because like i said in the OP she hate's being apart from me
i believe if she was given the choice to choose when she wanted to go see her dad, instead of being made, i think it would make a big difference. But ex wont allow that cos i have already brought this up and he dismissed it straight away. cos i think once we get the anxiety worked out, i think the sleeping situation would work itself out too!

thanks again everyone for your replies xxx

[kirsty_lee]

if you took her to see a child psychiatrist or something like that and she was diagnosed with something do you think that would help you ex see that she doesn't handle being made to go? Could even take what the child psychiatrist says to the court and get the parenting orders amended?

[mummy2chloe]

was thinking along the same lines Kirsty, i have a gp appointment next wk so i might bring chloe along and see if doc can recommend someone for us xxx

[Miss.September]

What about having sleep overs at your house with her friends from school? Hanging out in my room with my friends from school was ALWAYS cool! I was an anxious child, petrified of being kidnapped because when I was 10 all the Mr Cruel kidnappings were big news, so I hated sleeping alone. But when mum let my friends sleep over, it was never an issue, was always fun. I agree with the other girls too, counselling will help, especially if there is something bothering her that she can't quite figure out.

Good luck xo

[kirsty_lee]

Surely there must be something that can be done to make her feel more comfortable, don't know much about parenting orders other than they suck lol I hate the whole DVO process, like its ok that he hit you, but he didn't hit the child so she's not on it? To me that doesn't make sense. A friend of mine recently was in a similar situation and for the life of me I just don't get it. Hopefully the doctor can help, must be so hard being a parent and having your child that scared. Poor little darlin. I know what you mean though about on one hand lappin it up now cause when she's a teenager she wont need you as much and stuff. It's hard isn't it.

[lilima]

A friend of mine went to fairly drastic (but I think it was a great idea) measure. Her room and her DD's room were next to each other. So she cut a hole in the wall. Big enough for her DD to go through. In fact it made a HUGE difference for her DD. She became much better at staying in her own room as she knew that her mum was very close by.

Good luck

[Lulu]

As i said in the OP chloe and i are very close and i know for a fact, if anything happend to her she would of told me straight away!
She doesnt have the anxiety because of her father or the fear of her father, its because like i said in the OP she hate's being apart from me
i believe if she was given the choice to choose when she wanted to go see her dad, instead of being made, i think it would make a big difference. But ex wont allow that cos i have already brought this up and he dismissed it straight away. cos i think once we get the anxiety worked out, i think the sleeping situation would work itself out too!

Explain the anxiety to the GP and ask for a referral to a child psychologist who specialises in this. He/she will help DD recognise the feelings (all feelings - good and bad) and work towards changing things. DD will gain her power back, and will feel so much better to be able to control her very own self.

I don't think it will be a case of "I'm a teenager - rack off" as soon as she gets hormonal (not all of them do apparently ), there might be a bigger chance that everything gets alot worse as a result of all the changes. Hormones don't chase away anxiety and teenagerland is rife with anxieties all of it's own.
HOWEVER, if you can get her some help soon I reckon not only will she feel SO much better, it will give her a bit of a headstart on dealing with the angst when she gets older.

Best of luck with it all!

[mummy2chloe]

thanks again everyone for your imput, will let you know how it all goes with the GP xx

[BeautifulMadness]

I can relate to the anxiety issue, i suffered from since i was 13, its not a nice thing to go through, especially when no one listens or understands. So i think getting a referral to a child psychologist is a good idea and best her. other wise it will get worse and i know that from personal experience.

I do wish you both the best and hope it goes well

[mummy2chloe]

thanks hun

we havent been to the gp yet, as things have been so busy with work. Hopefully next wk as i want to get things moving along as i hate seeing her get so worked up about things. It breaks my heart to see her like this

[chody47]

I know this is a bit late....but how about the two of you having 'sleepovers' in her room? I don't expect that it will completely solve the problem but it might help her to feel a little more comfortable in there.... I'm not sure if she falls asleep in your bed without you (i.e. before you go to bed) but perhaps, if she does, you could explain to her that she needs to go to sleep in her room (once she is comfortable in there) and that in x number of hours you will come in with her? Maybe you could start stretching this out so that you take longer and longer until you come in OR, if she doesn't get to sleep without you perhaps you could negotiate with her that at a certain point in the night you will go to your bed???

Just some ideas...I'm no expert.... I hope everything sorts itself out for you.