My DS1 is turning 3 in November. He's very bright and has great language skills. He's also obsessed with trains, particularly of the Thomas and Chuggington variety.

He has two sets of grandparents who if I let them, would buy him the entire range of Thomas and Chuggington in a heartbeat. We have very strict rules about Christmas and birthday presents so it doesn't get out of control. However lately, it seems that the 'presents just because I'm visiting' have increased.

Over the last 2 weeks, DS1 has started to ask us to buy him stuff. Whether it's a 'present' or specifically asking for a Chugger or Thomas train by name. He asks over and over again and becomes quite upset when we say no. We try distraction, but he does get quite fixated on a particular train (whatever it is) and gets upset when we don't immediately rush to the shop.

Last weekend, DS1 had been asking for Action Chugger, which is a train from Chuggington. He asked for a good few hours. DH doesn't get to buy much stuff for the kids, so asked me if we could have a fun trip into the city to buy him Action Chugger. I said no, as I didn't want to give into this and teach him that asking and whining gets you something. DH agreed, but then when I went out later DS1 got really upset and so DH raised it again with me and I said OK, let's go. I can't have it my way every time, so on this one I agreed with his strategy.

The next morning, DS1 kicked off a massive tantrum because we wouldn't buy him Dunbar (another train). I just looked at DH who understood the mistake we'd made. But then when we were visiting my MIL's place that night, out pops Dunbar! Turns out DS1 had mentioned that he wanted him so she went out to buy it for him.

DH realises we need to do something about this so he's not a problem, but I'm not sure what strategy we should take.

I'm not worried about the grandparents. I can be pretty scary and they are very respectful of our decisions, so will say what they are told.

I'm just not sure what we should be saying? I don't want DS1 to think he can get whatever he wants, whenever he wants. I want him to value what he has. I want him to look forward to his birthday and Christmas because getting a present is special, not a daily occurance. We are members of our toy library, so he understands that not all the toys are his and that we return stuff every few weeks.

Any advice?

Cheers,
Fiona