Please don't hit the kitten Please chase him around, pulling his tail and sticking your fingers in his eyes and ears.

Can you please be gentle with mummy Please jump on me, digging every boney limb you can into my belly then please stick your fingers up my nose and pull my glasses off my face

Mummy is just going to the toilet, i'll be back in just a minute, k? I am really packing my bags and moving to China so please cry and scream hysterically

Shhh, mummy is on the phone Start screaming