Please help me, I do not know what to do with DD.

[~MummaBear~]

we have been going thru this with MR H too... i swear it is a school thing because we went thru it when MrI started school too.. Not only are they being taught to be more independent they also have the bad influence of 19 other kids lol
I know that that doesnt really help but i found you just have to sweat it out and it will end eventually!!
only other thing i can sujest is pack her up and send her to nanny's house ROFL

[maz]

One thing I said to someone recently was that you have to remember they are a child, they have a different structure in their little brains to ours. We are so use to adult stimulation and sometimes we do tend to treat our children in the same light...a step back and a lighter approach sometimes is needed.

eg...would YOU like to go to time out? honestly it would make me more agro and defy what the person has said to me.

What works for me

Behaving in the same way back to my children to show them how funny and silly they are being.
Mini me cries and goes off about the silliest stuff....so when she does it...I copy her. They DETEST being copied....and will say stop copying me. Their focus is then off the original thing they started being silly over.

I also sense when my children are all edgy and aggressive if you like in their communication to me. I tend to think they need to burn off that anger and pop the music on LOUD and dance around like a twit....amazing how much fun you can have in half and hour and how settled and pooped everyone is afterwoods.

I personally dont think there is a reason to be cruel by taking things away or placing childrenn in a corner. They learn off us so what kind of example are we giving them by doing this? Life is fun...show them how fun it is..its shouldnt be about continuously growling at them.

[Liz]

Yeah it's nice in theory Maz, have tried it LOL. But then he still does the same things and still gets upset and by just turning it into something fun, we're ignoring what he's feeling about something. We are just working on helping him calm down so we can talk and work out what made him so angry. Time out is working... it's not used all the time for every little thing. I don't really see anything cruel about being taught to take a moment and compose yourself. Some of the time out I'm with him. I take him into another room and cuddle him to me until he calms enough to talk. I often find out what's bothering him by doing this and then we work out a different way to handle it, and he's actually really good at trying my suggestions... even if they don't always work! LOL.

Changing blatant disrespectful speech into a game backfires too, cos then he thinks he's being funny and it comes out of his mouth every 5 seconds.

I just read Janet's reply to my angry 4yr old thread.. and yep... think I'm definitely going to be working on at least two things that I know triggers it... tiredness and hunger! LOL. Just like we've said here. I need to think ahead for more structured snack times etc and a stricter bed time. We've avoided some crankiness tonight by having the slow cooker on and dinner was ready when we walked in the door just now. Hopefully we can calmly move on to bath time and into bed between 7/7.30 tonight!

[maz]

Liz - I was just saying what works for me...doesnt mean it works for others. We are all permitted to our own views on parenting and I simply just answered someones question.
I was a hard mum with my first 2...I refuse to let that happen again. I saw the fear in my childrens eyes. Its a sickening feeling and something I will never forgive myself for.
Only you can work out what works for you and your child. Im sorry that your having such a terrible time with DS I truely hop ehtat you find something that works for both of you

[Liz]

nah it's ok Maz Wasn't upset with anything you said.. like I said, we've tried it, but have just found it kind of skirts the issue and doesn't help him resolve what's upsetting him. Deep down it feels like a phase.. he does know how to behave.. which gives me some comfort LOL.. he's just really pushing it with us. I'm sure we'll survive it... I'm just wondering what the next challenge will be LOL.

[Jandals]

Thank goodness I'm not alone! I've recently posted another thread about how hard I'm finding it juggling a new baby and a 4 year old DD that seems to be sprouting horns. She used to be such a sweet wee thing and now it's not often that sweet is a word I would use to describe her

I always think that if I could just give her my full attention then her behaviour would improve, but at the moment even if she has me or DH's undivided attention she will still dissolve in to tears or storm off and slam her bedroom door at the first sign of things not going her way. I also have been trying to keep on top of feeding and sleeping as I know that has a huge effect on how she copes through the day.

Sorry I'm not much help but just wanted to let you know we're going through very similar things here and I totally understand the mummy guilt that you appear to be experiencing too I just keep telling myself that this is a stage and it will end. It will.... won't it?!

Have you read The Science of Parenting? I find it to be really useful at times like this. Reminds me that almost all of DDs behaviour is beyond her control and is more likely to be the result of something I have control over ie. tired, hungry etc. That said, when I'm in the middle of dealing with a seriously stroppy and defiant child it's hard to remember! I find a good vent when DH gets home helps to off load after a hard day (of course we do this out of ear-shot of DD).

[widdly]

Maz, I absolutely love your advice and am gonna give the music a go tomorrow when things start going haywire with DS. Thanks for being honest about your regrets on tough parenting, I will keep that in my mind always.

Today DS seems to be working his anger out, he would start a tanty then just stop and stroke my arm and say sorry and we would talk about his feelings! WOOHOO, break through, we shall see if it still works tomorrow though

[didispunk]

I think she is testing you.. my frined has 5 childrne and i always listen to


DISAPLINE and CONSISTANCY.... so she knows what to expect before she does something naughty..
very importnant to not let her get away with Anything!!!! LOTS OF WORK FROM YOU I KNOW!!!!
BUT follow through is what she is trying to push!!!

GOOD LUCK!