Preparing a 2yr old for a 6wk separation from their dad

[~Kaz~]

Thank you so much for all of your suggestions. They are all great and I hadn't considered things like Skype or a recorded book.


Thanks again everyone. I feel a bit calmer, more in control with a few more strategies.

[jackrose]

6 weeks is a long time for everyone... It must feel very stressful to think of.

I have only had to deal with dh being away for work for 2 weeks with a 2 year old, no way near as long and not for something as stressful as illness so I feel for you. I think you are completely right with the acknowledgement. Kids really need to be heard and taken seriously with their anxieties and fears or they just get bigger and bigger. Keeping in mind that it is healthy and natural for him to feel anxious about what is going on and it is a great opportunity for you to help him learn to dea with it I really the best way to go. I bet it is not easy for you though.

What I have done is have dh record bedtime stories using an iPod recording device. I burnt his stories onto CDs for dd to listen to going to sleep or in the car or where evere she wants. I also made up a photo book of images of dd and dh together through snapfish (there are many sites that do them inclding harvey Norman and big w I believe). It is a beautiful sturdy book that we pulled out to read at bedtime or at any time dd was feeling sad. I think it was a lovely comfort for dd. Maybe you could make a book like that which was only pulled out when your ds is at your parents so that he has something special of your dh's for when he feels most separated from him? That or the recorded stories.

With the calendar, keep in mind that at 2, children have difficulty conceptualizing time and dates and reading left to right. I tried using a calendar system with dd but she really struggled with why we couldn't count down! I ended up making a circular calendar with 7 pieces of paper in the wall in a circle with arrows between them and I used photos and images of things we do on each day - blue tacked on to show what we were up to. It created a continuing calendar which was only ever seven days away and gave visual cues of what we were up to. Dd really responded to the images and the form of schedule and it allowed me to prepare her for when she got to see dh again. Although your time frame is longer, it may be helpful for your ds to feel like there is some structure and predictaibility in his days if he feels this is lacking. Maybe you could have a pic of your dh somewhere else in the room, away from the calendar, but every week moves a lilttle closer until he makes it on to the calendar in the final week?

With all of this though, child led is the key. I agree with junglemum and I avoid talking too much about dh when he is away as it brings up more angst. If dd brings him up, we work with it but otherwise we try to just go through as normal.

Good luck. It is probably going to take a whole lot of love and energy on your part to help your ds through this by the sounds. It is is tough for 2yos to deal with such big changes and scary concepts such as important people coming and going in their lives. The fact you are aware of his potential problems and trying to lessen the impact is a big positive for him.