To smack or not to smack

[Calluna]

I do smack. I hate it. But sometimes when I've asked him a number of times not to do something, he refuses to stop, and I've exhausted every other avenue to no avail, yes, I've smacked him.

I was smacked as a child and have to make a concious, concerted effort to not smack my son.

I am trying very hard to work on this, and getting better.


Have you tried validating your LO's feelings? "I can see you are angry/sad/upset because x, we can't do x because ... We can do y instead" Give him/her a minute to process it, if s/he continues repeat it. Staying calm and comforting them at the same time. This works very well here. 99% of the time he calms down and it's fine.

"When they are upset and angry is when they need our love the most." Is something I am constantly reminding myself of.

[onthefly]

I used to think it's ok. We were smacked (or threatened with it at least).
Then I thought, no, I don't like it, but 'each to their own'.
Now I just think, no, it's not ok. It's not ok to use violence to solve problems. Nor is it ok to physically dominate people like this. It's not ok for adults to hit other adults, so why would it be ok to hit children? Doesn't make sense to me.
Plus of course children learn how to treat us and other people from the way we treat them.

I'm not pretending to be perfect or anything - I've done things I think are unacceptable - but I'm working on that and I'm not going to pretend it's ok.

[Kazzo]

I have smacked a couple of times, the first was actually when DD1 was about to grab something hot and I more smacked her hand away to stop her as quick as I could then a smack to punish her and the next time was when she hit me in the face, again, I hit her hand. After this one I felt horrible and spent the rest of the day feeling horrible. I said sorry once and told her it was wrong to smack. I did not want to keep saying sorry because I also did not want her to think that if we say sorry enough times after something that it excused any action.

DH actually said the same thing as your DH last night too about DD2 and I told him that he will not be smacking as a punishment. DD1 responds well to been spoken to and having a timeout. DD2 is only really young and he needs to use words and move her from whatever is causing the issues (ATM it is the Christmas tree). I have to constantly remind him that we are their greatest influences at the moment. I would not tolerate DH hitting me ever, I would be out the door faster the the speed of light, so why would smacking my girls be any less of an action.

I know of one mum that smacks her kids and now the kids think it is okay to smack each other when they are doing something the other does not like. I have stood there many a time ready to step in if one of her kids ever get close to smaking on of my girls. This just shows me the big impact that their parents smacking them has had on them at the ages of 4 & 2.