So is she insecure about the baby and just not telling me or is this pretty normal?

[Cranky Kitten]

Interesting points. I can see how that could cause insecurity/jealousy and were it solely my choice I'd be open to having her come to live with us a bit earlier. I had hoped that by having a definite timeframe for the move these type of problems would be alleviated. We haven't said no you can't ever come live with us, but more a now isn't the right time.

Yeddi - her relationship with her Dad is excellent. As is her relationship with her extended family on that side, she often spends time with Grandma and Grandad plus a heap of aunties and cousins. I have absolutely no concerns as far as anything untoward happening when it comes to her Dad - I was abused by my own father as a child and I can say if I had the slightest tiniest doubt about my ex as a father she wouldn't be with him.

She has had some trouble with bullying and an unsupportive school environment lately, so we are now in the process of moving her into a private school nearby - so yes, there's a lot happening in her life at the moment. I am hoping that she will be able to come over more often during the week and spend more time with us when I'm on leave but bringing forward when she will move permanently is something that I'd really need to discuss at length with both DH and her Dad.

[MummyNaomi]

I totally agree with Artechim too

Have you considered re-evaluating the living situation - perhaps now is the right time for her to be with her Mum, in 3-4 years she will be a young woman (girls grow up so quickly these days) and you risk leaving it too late. By making time for a newborn and not your 9yo in your busy life you are sending your 9 year old a very strong message Simply, I guess from the outside looking in it seems you are prepared to make room in your life for a new child you don't even have yet instead of the one you do.

Just trying to let you consider a totally different perspective on the situation - your 9yo is probably wondering about some of these things

[Miss.September]

I'm with the other replies too. My parents split, and my dad ended up with two boys from his new partner (his step-children) who lived with him full time. It broke my brother's heart.

[Cranky Kitten]

So talking with DH last night about this - we've decided to talk to her Dad about her possibly spending the summer holidays with us (bub isn't due till November and I'll be working until quite close hopefully) and then next year work out some sort of shared care arrangement for next year where she can spend some time with us during the week and I'll drop her off at school and still alternate weekends. Not entirely sure how this will work yet though - will depend a lot on XP.

[Cass72]

I also agree with Artechim.

FWIW, this is my situation:

DHs two kids live with their mum - their choice. They are in WA at the moment but we did move there to be close to them for two years. They still made it quite clear that they preferred to live with mum and only see us on weekends when they weren't otherwise involved in activities mum had planned (sorry.... can't help but get catty and I digress!!)

Anyway, my DS lives with us and is the same age as DHs DS and his daughter is about to turn 13. Since DH and I had our bub last year his DS has been slightly hostile and refers to his new brother as "it". I haven't said anything to DH about that. DSS and I keep in contact regularly on FB and don't have a problem per se.

Getting back to my original point...... I think his kids resent the fact that DH has a new baby who lives with him full time (as well as my DS) yet it is their choice that they live with their mum. So I guess, in a nutshell, this is something that you should nip in the bud and discuss what the new baby means in relation to your relationship with your daughter.

Did I make much sense?

[MummyNaomi]

Since DH and I had our bub last year his DS has been slightly hostile and refers to his new brother as "it".

Oh no, that's terrible

[Cranky Kitten]

Update:

So, talked to XP this week about DD staying with us over the school holidays for end of year and maybe October as well if I'm on leave by then, so that's all good. We're also working out ways DD can come over during the school week while I'm home as XP is looking for a new job this will make life a lot easier for him as well.

End result is that DD is seeming to be a lot more positive about the baby and that she'll be spending more time with me and DH once bubs is born. Yay!!

[Kazzo]

That is great news. Sounds like your DD is going to be a happy big sister now.