So is she insecure about the baby and just not telling me or is this pretty normal?

[Cranky Kitten]

So talking with DH last night about this - we've decided to talk to her Dad about her possibly spending the summer holidays with us (bub isn't due till November and I'll be working until quite close hopefully) and then next year work out some sort of shared care arrangement for next year where she can spend some time with us during the week and I'll drop her off at school and still alternate weekends. Not entirely sure how this will work yet though - will depend a lot on XP.

[*Sparklez*]

Cranky kitten, it seems you do love your dd alot and are willing to do things necessary to prove to her she is part of your life..
It's going to be tough in getting this through to your XP without insulting his parenting skills but at the end your dd is the one this is all effecting.
I wish you nothing but the best and hope some goo results can come of this xox


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk xoxox

[lissy]

Kitten - you mentioned the 'timeframe' you had set for her to move in. Just wondering if that might be upsetting her? She may say she understands that its 3-4yrs away but that's an awful long time for a 9yr old to be patiently waiting. You know how they are....you tell them they can do something later & you get asked every half hour is it later yet?

Maybe its hitting home to her that it seems like forever till she can live with you & even then it won't be the same coz bub will be there first?

And it could very well be a mixture of everything everyone's said above.

[Cranky Kitten]

Could be, Lissy, could be. I think it's probably a combination of a lot of these factors, rather than any one thing.

And yes, my DD is my world. The trouble I have is that this isn't just my decision. I've always had a decent relationship with my ex, we seldom fight about things to do with DD and have always tried to treat each other with respect. Might not be together anymore but we're still good friends.

Part of me knows he does have moments of insecurity in his parenting that I know stem from some pretty low things his ex wife did years ago. Handling the transition will be difficult for him as they're extremely close and I'm mindful of that. Ultimately though, all 3 of us (XP, myself and DH) care most about making sure our girl is happy and knows that she's loved. We'll work out in the end.

[Cass72]

I also agree with Artechim.

FWIW, this is my situation:

DHs two kids live with their mum - their choice. They are in WA at the moment but we did move there to be close to them for two years. They still made it quite clear that they preferred to live with mum and only see us on weekends when they weren't otherwise involved in activities mum had planned (sorry.... can't help but get catty and I digress!!)

Anyway, my DS lives with us and is the same age as DHs DS and his daughter is about to turn 13. Since DH and I had our bub last year his DS has been slightly hostile and refers to his new brother as "it". I haven't said anything to DH about that. DSS and I keep in contact regularly on FB and don't have a problem per se.

Getting back to my original point...... I think his kids resent the fact that DH has a new baby who lives with him full time (as well as my DS) yet it is their choice that they live with their mum. So I guess, in a nutshell, this is something that you should nip in the bud and discuss what the new baby means in relation to your relationship with your daughter.

Did I make much sense?

[MummyNaomi]

Since DH and I had our bub last year his DS has been slightly hostile and refers to his new brother as "it".

Oh no, that's terrible

[Cranky Kitten]

Update:

So, talked to XP this week about DD staying with us over the school holidays for end of year and maybe October as well if I'm on leave by then, so that's all good. We're also working out ways DD can come over during the school week while I'm home as XP is looking for a new job this will make life a lot easier for him as well.

End result is that DD is seeming to be a lot more positive about the baby and that she'll be spending more time with me and DH once bubs is born. Yay!!

[Kazzo]

That is great news. Sounds like your DD is going to be a happy big sister now.

[Marlene]

If I were in her situation I would probably be jealous. You are telling her that it doesn't suit for her to live with you atm, but then you are getting a baby who can live with you. I know you must have your reasons, but to a 9 year old it must seem like you rearranging things for the baby but won't do the same for her.

I don't mean to be harsh or anything, just giving my opinion.

Exactly my thoughts...and also the pre-pubrty thing wouldn't be helping either.