Im starting to wonder if we are starting to under diagnose normal behaviour in our children.
My definition of normal is broad, and I think my children are 'normal'. Well their behaviour is pretty textbook, and honestly I see them as growing happy kids.
But I feel like there is this great movement (from people I know, not the whole population, although it could be a great percentage of the population, I dont know) to have their child diagnosed with something, to give them a label.
For instance, a friend asks today if night terrors, nightmares, bad dreams are normal for 4yr olds. She asks around, gets a variety of answers then goes on to ask a health professional that says no, definitely not normal to be having them more than once a week, definitely not nightly. So off she goes and books her child in for therapy. My child on the other hand has at least one night terror/nightmare/bad dreams a night, I always figured it was normal, I even remember some of my dreams from that age.. But now I wonder is my child normal.
But shes not the only one, one parent says their child spat out their food so must be allergic to it.
Theres heaps of examples, and I wont go on.
I am in no way saying that behaviours/allergies etc are not real. But more so that there seems to be parents out there who are insistent on having their children diagnosed/labelled, for whatever reason.
does any of this make sense? Has anyone notice the same or similar going on? its been bugging me for a while, and its time to ask
I agree!! I went to some great training recently about the new diagnostic manual for disgnosis of mental disorders... And he psychiatrist running it made a big point of reminding us all that labels are just a name that people give for a collection of behaviours and symptoms... Just a name... the disorder itselt isnt real... its just a human thing to create a label for it...
It really stuck with me... I think I am generally... a reluctant diagnoser...and always have been...
But people seem to what a reason for all these things and the label seems to help sometimes... I just worry that we are not just accepting things and kids and people the way they are...
I have been having a lovely time lately reading up on all sorts of personal weirdness, personality traits, unusual beliefs & experiences, etc, and I've concluded that I'm never not ever going to have a conversation about these aspects of myself with any kind of medical person or I'm likely to get a diagnosis of Freakazoidal Personality quicker than I can say "DSM". When in actual fact those weirder parts of my makeup are the ones that most enrich my life, inform my creativity and compassion, and have been the things that I have drawn upon to cope during the harder times in life.
Re sleep & dreaming: I just spent 24 hours in a diagnostic sleep lab this week, and while I was there I had the weirdest ever lucid dream sequence. I won't find out until next week what state of sleep or wakefulness they think I was in while it was happening, but regardless of what they conclude, I'm reminded that no scientist can peer inside my skull and know what it was that I experienced in that space.
On the other hand, there are people who go for decades struggling with difficult conditions without getting the benefit of a helpful diagnosis. I wonder about the relative harm of over diagnosing vs under diagnosing.
Last edited by AnyDream; August 31st, 2013 at 12:20 AM.
I definitely think that we create problems with certain personality types by the ways we have chosen for society to be rather than them being problems in and of themselves. Especially within children who are forced to conform to grades and expectations in a quite uniformed manner quite early.
I know myself and my daughter could be labelled easily, people point it out all the time and I can see what they mean but we have chosen not to go down that path. I had a label once, I now know it wasn't even the right one. Would a label change who we are? No, so don't worry about it I say (thanks Derek). I love being me, I love it. It is everyone else that seems to take issue with me being fine being different. I'm happy, I'm functioning, there isn't a problem unless there is a problem and right now there isn't for me or my daughter. Isn't that meant to be where the distinction is? Sometimes it feels people forget that.
It's hard, isn't it? We look for solutions to things that challenge us, and that can lead us to see problems where none actually exist. Just look at the infant sleep industry!
We've persevered with the "he's just unique" angle with DS for some time and are now feeling that we need to look more closely at him because he's having trouble and we don't know what to do about it! Maybe we just need to chill out - very possible - but sometimes it's helpful to be told that by a 'professional'.
I disagree. No-one is 100% normal. To suggest the majority of people are "normal" and a minority have a label damages the majority. We are all different and can be so original, quirky and interesting once we are unfettered from the chains that keep us believing we must act "normal".
However, most people will fall within 2 standard deviations of normal, some behaviors are more tolerated than others and social expectations play a big part. And I will agree that diagnoses are not always helpful, nor needed. Of all the official labels my family (including extended family) could easily have, we allow one. Which is beneficial when used appropriately.
I think it's a fine line. I was very much of the 'it's normal' attitude to most differences in children. In doing so I excused away a lot of my son's behaviours which probably would have been better served with early intervention and speech therapy, so on reflection I think being less laissez faire may have been a good thing.
But I'm also not into over pathologising every single trait people have. I read a great article once about people on TV with autism spectrum disorders. There was some discussion about high functioning characters such as the guy from big bang theory. The article discussed how this character has never been 'diagnosed' on the show and is high functioning, able to care for himself and hold down a successful job. So why the heck does society feel the need to 'diagnose' him?? Why can't he just be 'quirky'? What is up with the need to pathologise every personality? To do so in fact makes it harder for those who actually have autism to be understood.
In the case of a child having night terrors though I actually think it's okay to seek help. If your child is suffering is it so wrong to seek a resolution? I'm concerned by the fact that most children these days are not healthy. Generations of denatured food and overuse of antibiotics and toxic cleaning chemicals and a myriad of 'modern developments' has left this generation in a poor state. When we look at what's 'normal' around us we're comparing sick children to sick children. I'd prefer to think, 'what is normal in a traditional society?'. Surely it doesn't make evolutionary sense for a child to wake up screaming at night and draw in the lions?
I've been to see people about my DD sleep walking and night terrors. Multiple times a night she has them most nights of the week. It is nervous system over stimulation,and immaturity, she however has always had it, even as a new born would thrash around her cot. All the Dr's tell me is to do a sleep study then if it is normal which they tell me is most likely they can drug her and that is all. Changing things in her world have helped, no TV, no lights at night and we have moved our tv watching etc to the other end of the hose as it disturbs her sleepIt isn't a solution it's covering the fact she has an immature immune system. As it isn't hurting her as much since we made the changed below we haven't done anything yet.
I get what you mean about not wanting to over label, some parents are quick to try and get a "diagnosis", but at the same time, I don't think it is wrong to seek a resolution or help , as it was reassuring in our case after suffering with it for over 9months to get peace of mind.
oh thankyou for this post!!I am so with you!My DD I have always felt was a little different sometimes,but what is normal as such anyway?I went to a bridal shower on the weekend to be told from 2 ladys that I need to take her to therapy etc because they can see signs of asperges and I need to read this book and that,yes shes very sensitive yes she over dramatizes but everyones different I have to say though once these people put things in your head.....now im going nuts thinking is there something wrong arghhhhhh
It's complex. I do think that sometimes people want the label to excuse crappy parenting but they would be in the minority. I think what's important to ask is what would change if you got a dx/label? It's still going to leave you with the same child. Some things certainly need a dx for health reasons and to access funding, but for the majority of people I think it's helpful to see someone just so you get help in dealing with those slightly-left-of-normal issues. So for your friend with the night terror issue, where is the harm in seeking help for that? I imagine that it would be quite distressing to both parent and child and it doesn't mean that there is a problem that needs *therapy* but more that "I don't know how to help my child through this so I'm asking someone for some help". It's no different to reading a parenting book really.
I agree with you mostly. But aside from getting actual help, I think it also helps (me personally) to know what is causong something. If Im sick I find it easier to cope knowing what I have rather than just a general "I feel like crap". Same with having depression. I find it easier to help myself if I remind myself that that particular thing is the depression talking, not me.
With DS behaviour I find it easier to deal with if I know why he is doing it. Ie a tantrum because hes tired - I find it much easier to stay calm than if he seems to just be being difficult for no reason at all (I know there is always a reason but it frustrates me more if I cant identify it).
under diagnosis of 'normal'
Reply With Quote
Bookmarks