What do you think are acceptable reasons for not having another baby?

[Willow]

except Sterla and Willow, cos I think they're ready to bang me over the head with a fry pan. Or Sterla will be tempted to drown me at the pool at gym one night...

OK, I am NOT going to bang you over the head, seems to me you're doing a pretty good job of that yourself!

I don't know what the answer is for YOU - but none of the reasons you listed in your first post are selfish. They are valid, sensible reasons.

I'll be honest, if someone were to hand me another 9 month old baby I'd be STOKED. But I just don't want to do the baby thing again. I've been prg 4 times in 5 years, had 3 babies in 4.5 years. IVF, miscarriage and surgeries in that time too. I don't do the newborn thing well at ALL. I tend to be a bit anxious and highly strung with a young baby in the house. Don't talk to me about sleep deprivation atm. After the first twelve months, I always want another! LOL. But this time I know there will be no more. Does that make me selfish? I don't think so. I think it just means I recognise my limits.

I know lots of people have said to you 'if you're thinking about it this much you're not done' but I disagree. There seems to me to be something(s) holding you back and I think it's wise to really sit with that a while and work through it.

Ask yourself this - what would really change in your life if you didn't have another baby? Is not having another baby really going to stop you from being happy long term?

Anyway, that's all I got

[MrsFabuloso]

Mel, maybe if you try and put it into the perspective of thinking in terms of if you have another bub...if you get pg, go through the worst spd you have ever experienced, have another c/s and are unable to bf your bub, what do you think you will feel in a years time, two, five...then if you don't have another bub, you resisit your urges, study your dream course and/or get your great job, lose all the weight you want to....which do you think will fulfil you more?
You couldend up having an ok pg (I know it's unlikely you won't get spd again), you might have a dream natural/ vaginal birth, you might bf it for 3 years. On the flip side, if you don't have another, you might not get a great job or course, you might not lose the weight you want to.....
Do you think another baby will set you back all that much from acheiving those other things you want out of life?
Do you think you would regret not having another baby more than you want all of these other things?
I don't know if any of that helps. It's all so dependant on so many things. Noone can give you the answers but you. Sorry it's so tough for you hun I can see your confusion.

[LaDolceVita]

If you have ugly babies... Then no. But you have gorgeous babies so SWEEEEET get it on sister!!

I am totally joking about ugly babies btw - All babies are GORGEOUS but yours are especially beautiful

Just in one of THOSE moods hehehe *giggidy giggidy* A bit delirious from little sleep, getting to the overtired hysterical stage and DH is on night shift so going a bit batty home alone haha

But on a serious note, Mel I think if you are THIS torn up about whether or not to go for one more, you should do it because I think on the see saw of things, you would totally regret not having one more than having one more if that makes sense??

Ah will come back when I have had less sugar and can discuss like an adult hahaha xox

[Arimeh]

Argh Kel.... Kel, Kel, Kel.... I'm going to have to have a shower and ponder all those things... cos I think you've hit the nail on the head somewhere... (just need to find the frackin nail....)

Willow - You've made your point too... ... going to go ponder..... if only I could take the computer in the shower with me so I can keep re-reading certain posts...

[Just Me]

But thats the funny thing - I like being a toddler-mama much more than a baby-mama!! Toddlers are the absolute best, they're such a ball I love interacting with both of mine, they're a hoot (to steal the phrase )

I am sooooo glad to find another person who feels like this I don't really enjoy the baby stage that much (though I feel like DD2 has helped me learn to enjoy it a lot more) and I tell people this, they look at me like there is something wrong with me. I simply adore the toddler stage. It is awesome!

Do you know, before I fell pg with this baby I wrote a thread just like this one (that I ended up deleting before I posted it) but my question was more - in spite of all my really good reasons for not having another baby, is it okay to have another one just because I want to? I don't think your reasons are selfish at all. You are just exploring how you feel and I went through exactly the same thoughts that you are going through. I couldn't make up my mind what was right. I had a whole heap of great reasons for not wanting another baby, but the difference for me was that I did think that I wanted another baby though that changed minute by minute. One minute I was so resolute that I didn't want anymore and I was done, the next minute I was crystal clear that I wanted another baby and there was no question about it.

Sorry, that post wasn't particularly helpful to you but I think it is interesting that you are wondering whether your reasons were selfish where I thought that I might be selfish for wanting another baby despite all my great reasons (fairly similar to yours) for not wanting another baby. Nature made up its mind for us, thank goodness because I have peace at last.

Good luck with your decision making because I know what you are going through and it is not an easy choice to make.

[mbear]

when do you stop? honestly..will you be happy with 4 or will you want another?

ahhh totally agree....i think we've all muttered to ourselves at 37wks pregnant or so 'this is defn the last, no way am i doing this again'....and then baby comes, baby settles in, and after a few months, we ponder again 'do we have another?'. I guess thats what Maz is saying, when is enough enough...
I think its like a rite of passage that every woman goes thru - some women get thru it really easily, they get to the other side () and are totally content with their brood, and the baby urge is no longer there. For some of us others, it takes a bit longer, it hurts, it really hurts, there maybe tears, there is a lot of reminiscing...but we will eventually get to the 'other side'.

And who are you being selifsh to hon ??? YOur not hurting anyone at the moment with those points you first mentioned. You've given your kids a great start in life - 2 siblings each child....more isnt necessarily better, more children doesnt make you anymore of a greater mum ( i know you dont think that...).
ONce youve made a decision, you wont regret it. Thats if your totally content with it. Its reaching the decision thats the hardest part....and it sounds like your in the thick of it ATM...

[Jas]

Sounds to me like you are answering your own questions here! Sounds liek its time to get buuuuuuuuuuuusssssyyy!!

[Arimeh]

Sounds to me like you are answering your own questions here! Sounds liek its time to get buuuuuuuuuuuusssssyyy!!

PMSL..

wellll... everyone will have to wait and see....

[Jahzara]

wellll... everyone will have to wait and see....

mmmm......


P.s Girls night sounds good ( i will only be on the diet coke though - i wonder what you will be able to have )

[rhyb]

My girls are 6 months and baby, Im ready to go again. Madness I know and it doesnt make much sense to me really. I imagined having 3 kids but I think only the 2 pregnancies makes me feel like I want to go again IYKWIM? Maybe because Im blessed with 4 cruisy kids that sleep really well the thought of #5 (or more) doesnt scare me and worse still the thought of being a single parent again doesnt seem like the end of the world, Im not afraid of ever actually hitting the TTC trail. Too me its more the backlash from others (online and IRL) that holds me back. Gah Im ranting.
I think if you and your DH are happy with your decision stuff all the what ifs they only keep you up at night

[Arimeh]

Haha Rhyb - do you know the odds of having multiples again? DH told me it was 1 in 4 for you bahahahaha!!! Dunno how true that is, but still, thats a 3 out of 4 chance that you won't.. LOL

Well thanks everyone for your input - I soooo appreciate it - and for putting up with me.

We've finally made a decision, and I am at peace - finally. Its such a great feeling. So thanks everyone

[Willow]

Glad to hear it babe