What would you do?

[Lady_Tess]

I have to mention, that alot of replies relating to the argument of leaving them in the car seem to be for convenience. Although I can understand this argument, I find it unfathomable that it is still worth the risk.

We are not only talking about heat stress, but absolute anything.... Leaving windows open invites thieves. Leaving the car running is .... well... do I need to go there?? Choking hazards.... Distress....

Sorry by I don't see he difference between this and going for a nap while the kids are home... Locking the kids in the house while you go outside to mow the lawn... Each and every excuse is a matter of convenience and hardly worth the life or risk of injury to a child.

Stepping down off my soapbox now

[misty]

Sorry by I don't see he difference between this and going for a nap while the kids are home... Locking the kids in the house while you go outside to mow the lawn... Each and every excuse is a matter of convenience and hardly worth the life or risk of injury to a child.

And this is what I mean by over-protective 'cotton-wool' parenting. By your arguements, what am I supposed to do when DH goes away for weeks at a time with army? Never sleep? Never hang the washing on the line while the kids are happy inside? Let the grass grow to rediculous lengths (which is it's own danger here with risk of bushfire and snakes)? Never let my kids play in the backyard with the dogs, uless I am out there with them? I also wouldn't be able to shower, because they are certainly unsupervised them. I Probably shouldn't have them in bunkbeds either - because they might fall off; and I certainly shouldn't allow them to play in their bedrooms unsupervised because they may (and do) climb up on their beds. I probably shouldn't let the 4yr old make his own toast, or butter his own bread either. And heaven forbid I might take them on public transport where there isn't even an option to be strapped in and the bus drivers are involved in numerous accidents regularly! Where do you draw the line in the sand?

My car is brand new. It is in excellent condition. My children are in a controlled climate. My four year old is more then able to unbuckle himself and siblings if neccessary and can be trusted not to do so if not. The kids are able to open the car doors and get out. No-one else can get in, because it is locked. The car is parked in a school carpark surrounded by parents teachers and other children. I am gone for a minimal amount of time that is required to get my DD1. It is not just 'convienience' - there are very real risks involved with getting the kids out of the car (particularly if one of the boys is asleep and needs to be woken to do so, as it ALwAYS results in tantruming and disobedient behaviour if they are woken - and we are talking full on throw myself on the ground and roll around tantrums). Firstly there is no possible way I can hold every hand, I only have two. My 2yr old is a bolter (just a month or two ago a young child got killed around here running from his mum in a school carpark). Although you would expect better from other 'parents' some of the drivers are so impatient and dangerous. It is a very busy carpark in terms of cars moving - as you have to drive through the carpark to get to the pickup point. There is more 'risk' to my children if I do take them out of the car in many situations. statistically children are at MUCH greater danger as pedestrians on the road then they ever are for a short period of time in a stationary vehicle. They are quite likely safer in the car, then they are in my house.

Their are risks to absolutely everything in life. I make a decision on what is best and safest for my children based upon my own analysis of the risks involved. You may not agree with my analysis of the situation - but if that is the case, then I definitely don't agree with your analysis of my situation either.

[lilima]

I also wanted to add that your circumstances are different to what I have described Misty. She is not wrangling 4 children through a car park. She is leaving the motor running (a whole other list of problems) and she has the means to ensure the kids are safe that she chooses tO ignore.

[Lady_Tess]

I am not about to cause ill feeling or drama by defending my own opinion. As you have so clearly thought to do. I could attack your parenting from your children's behaviour, and I could make a number of suggestions to what you ask.

These "cotton balling" thoughts are my own, it is an open forum and I thought it was allowed. I wasn't attacking you. But bear in mind this is from a parent who has felt the loss of a child (at no fault of their own). To me, if I have to I inconvenience myself to not fell that pain again, then so be it.

[Phteven]

One of the Mums at school does this. She has an autistic child who is a bolter. It is safer for her to leave her younger children in the car so that she has two hands free to deal with her super-kid.

Have you ever seen her children in obvious distress? If they aren't distressed and she is comfortable with the risks then I don't think it's any of your business.

[misty]

I am not about to cause ill feeling or drama by defending my own opinion. As you have so clearly thought to do. I could attack your parenting from your children's behaviour, and I could make a number of suggestions to what you ask.

These "cotton balling" thoughts are my own, it is an open forum and I thought it was allowed. I wasn't attacking you. But bear in mind this is from a parent who has felt the loss of a child (at no fault of their own). To me, if I have to I inconvenience myself to not fell that pain again, then so be it.

I am sorry if I may have come across as defensive. It wasn't my intention. I never thought you were attacking me, and understand where you are coming from. O just disagree. I was only trying to show that there IS another side of the story.

I have no idea about this particular woman at the school. I just don't think it is as big a deal as some other people here obviously do. And I am thinking that (like myself) she has probably thought about her actions before following through, if only because she knows she may cop some flack about it. I doubt that anything you say or do would be appreciated or taken on board by her; as I know myself, I would be polite if addressed but not change my position nor my actions.

On the other hand if someone were to offer to stay and watch my kids for me, or to collect my DD1 I would also jump at that oppertunity - and when circumstances are favourable I do take my kids in with me. I am just trying to offer the other side of the coin here, as I KNOW I am not the only one to think or do this.

[PumpkinZulu]

It's funny to think though...if this were a news article about an abduction, like if the car was stolen with the children inside because the engine was running, everybody would lament what a preventable tragedy it was. I can't comment on what I would do because a) I don't drive and b) my daughter is too young for me to have been in that situation, but I find it interesting how the context of the situation changes some reactions.

[lilima]

But I think it is everyone's business. Especially as it compromises every child walking past if she leaves the car on. I wouldn't know if they are distressed or not. Iyou can't see in. I think it is everyone business to be mindful of children left unattended in vehicles.

I was asking what should I do. Not for other peoples personal experiences as igave clear information about her circumstances. There is no autism or lots of children. It is a baby and a toddler left alone on a hot day in a car that is left ru.nning.

Our cc centre has a big sign on the door sayng " do not leave children unattended in your vehicle.". The fact is that she has the means to ensure that they are not unattended, but she doesn't think it is necessary. DH has been out to a child recently that thankfully lived, but was left alone in the car. It can happen in minutes. That is a fact that cannot be argued.

[Phteven]

Children are everybody's business but we also need to understand that not everyone can be a perfect parent all the time. Any parent who never compromises on any aspect of their parenting either has the kind of support I can only dream about or they're lying.
I'm sure this woman knows that leaving her children in the car isn't ideal but she's not leaving them there in an alley while she turns tricks to buy crack or puts her wages into the pokies. She probably has reasons for doing what she's doing and without knowing those reasons it seems rather intrusive to report her to the committee. Children are run over in school car parks far more frequently than they are taken with stolen cars.
If you're concerned then a better way of expressing that concern is to be part of the solution - invite her to park her car near yours so you can watch her children too.

[Lady_Tess]

Lilma I can understand your concerns, (don't know where I got it from but I thought you worked there) but seeing as she seems to be the type of mother who will get upset at you for saying something, I would just let it be. It is her choice, you don't have a duty of care to say something, personally I would talk to the cc and they can decide wether or not to help or talk to this woman, because she would have her reasons to do what she does.

You are not responsible for her actions or her children. She makes her own choices.

[lilima]

One of the little ones was crying while the mum was inside today. Warm day here. She didn't leave the car car runningz today, so that's how everyone knew they were crying. Another mum stood by the car trying to console the child. When the mum came out, the other mum told her it was maybe not the best idea to leave them in the car. Well it ended in some heated words. Glad I wasn't involved.

[Bex]

Maybe next time contact the police, I'm sure they will act quickly to children distressed in a warm car.

[krysalyss]

I agree, call the police. I totally agree that if you notice a child is in trouble then you have a duty of care to that child.
You could also put the RACQ fact sheet on the car - google RACQ hot car and you will get there.

[Bengal]

One of the little ones was crying while the mum was inside today. Warm day here. She didn't leave the car car runningz today, so that's how everyone knew they were crying. Another mum stood by the car trying to console the child. When the mum came out, the other mum told her it was maybe not the best idea to leave them in the car. Well it ended in some heated words. Glad I wasn't involved.

My initial reaction to your first post was to call the school office from your mobile when u see unattended kids in cars, maybe you guys can set up a car buddy system to help each other out, especially mums who have more kids than hands, the office can put something in the newsletter

If she leaves her children in a car on a warm day unattended again, call the cops, she is a bloody idiot !

[Fleur]

But I think it is everyone's business. Especially as it compromises every child walking past if she leaves the car on. I wouldn't know if they are distressed or not. Iyou can't see in. I think it is everyone business to be mindful of children left unattended in vehicles.

I was asking what should I do.

You know, the worst part is I don't think there is much you can do. It's the same as any other aspect of parenting. You can offer advice and information but it is totally up to her whether she takes it onboard or not. And it kind of sounds like she's not going to.

Personally I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving the keys in the car, but it is her choice & her decision, hard as it may be to agree with. It may not be one you or I would make, but she may well believe she's doing fine by her kids. I think Misty is right, there would be other mothers out there who do this for whatever reasons, and I doubt that they are all being deliberately careless, you know? So it stands to reason that she will be defensive if she thinks someone is telling her she's doing the wrong thing by her kids.

I think the only thing you can do is keep an eye on them and be aware. Maybe with a few of the other mums?