What would you have done?

[Tuesday's Child]

very much an "oops, up ya get, brush yourself off and back into it" attitude. we only "fuss" (which isn't really fussing) if she is genuinely hurt/distressed.

That's how I want to be. DH just had me doubting myself.

Thanks so much everyone. I'll have a good chat with DH tonight - we do need to be on the same page.

[mum_of_5]

i would have the same thing and have done my dd is the biggest dardevil from about 18months should climb everything her older 2 brothers would take her to the top of the playground's and all and she loved itand now ds3 is the same he is 26months and omg he is a shocker he loves the trampoline i stressed but just make sure im right near him if need be

[~Kaz~]

A couple of things that haven't previously been mentioned that may or may not be things to raise with your DH tonight when you talk:

1. I was reading about this type of situation the other day in a blog post, can't for the life of me remember which one it was but if I think of it or find it, I'll send you the link. The argument was something along the lines of: if a parent calls out to kids to be careful, rescues them before they fall etc etc then even though the parents' intended message to the child is of love, care, concern, protection etc, what the child will actually hear is: "I don't trust you" "You can't do that" "The world is dangerous and you must at all costs avoid getting hurt" "You can't trust your own judgement about what you're physically capable of doing". I hope this is making sense. As a one off or occasional reaction, there is probably no harm done or larger message being internalised by the child. BUT, if the child hears this every time they play, every time they explore a new situation/environment and every time they climb or take a risk, then over time this message will affect how the child views themself - i.e. they will come to see themself as less physically competent, more clumsy, unable to trust their own judgement and in need of protection. The blog post was about one mum being judged by another in a playground situation for sitting back and observing her child who was climbing. The other mother rushed in to "help" her child and the blog author was upset that her child wasn't allowed to discover her own limits for herself. Her theory is that the more you caution children, the more cautious they will be and actually, the more likely they are to fall or slip. The blow to their confidence and that bit of self doubt is sometimes all it takes but then there's a self fullfilling prophecy here where the parent sees the child fall and it confirms their need to be protective etc.
2. Please don't take this the wrong way but would your DH have reacted differently if your DD was a DS?? We all treat kids differently based on their gender, he's not alone if the answer is yes. Boys are the ones who are supposed to play rough, get dirty, noisy, messy and scrapped knees in our culture. I think raising a girl can be tricky for blokes, the instinct is to protect them. I think your DH needs to think about point 1 above along with what type of woman he wants his DD to be. A confident, independent woman who can look after herself, trust herself etc needs to take risks in the playground (I'm not trying to say that women who are dependent on others weren't allowed to take risks etc, but the messages kids get, especially about gender etc in childhood are pretty powerful and this is just one of many areas where you can influence your DD).
3. Perhaps your DH would benefit from reading the book "Free Range Kids" - this talks about why we are all so much more worried about our kids these days. The things we are scared of are typically highly unlikely to occur. Extremely tragic if they do occur of course, but not likely. In your example of the trampoline, they are a heck of a lot safer these days with the netting all around them than the old fasioned-metal springs showing ones from my childhood. It's actually much safer now for our kids to be on a trampoline (IMHO).
4. I agree with PP's that you did care about your DD and you were balancing your concern that she might get hurt, against the fun and obvious enjoyment she was having. This is parenting, constantly balancing one thing against another. There is no black and white, it's all grey. But I would argue that allowing your DD the freedom to play, even roughly, is helping her to learn about herself and others and also other stuff like gravity etc lol! Sometimes getting a scraped knee or a sore head is the best way to learn. Kids learn from experience and it's our job as parents to yes, keep them safe, but also to allow them the freedom to experience life. Telling her she may fall on a trampoline is a long way behind actually allowing her to find out what falling feels like.

Oh and if you hadn't already guessed, I would have done exactly as you did For me, if there's no obvious cause for alarm, imminent danger etc and the only discomfort is mine, then I am trying really hard to respect the choices DS makes about how he spends his time. I would have seen that situation as one of respecting his choice to play rough.

[Kazzo]

I think you did the right thing. Even having a parent hover over a child does not stop accidents from happening. At DD1 2nd birthday a friends 18 month old fell off our enclosed trampoline when it was opened to let one child out, he just darted through and fell. Everyone thought he hit his head and 20 minutes later he was fine and playing. Turns out a week later some bruising came through around his collarbone, went to emergency and he had broken his collar bone, one tough kid. Now he had an adult standing right there and still got hurt.
We can't stop kids from getting hurt no matter how hard we try, we are just there to kiss it better if they need it.

[EsJay]

I too would have done exactly as you did. i hope you dont take to heart what he said, sometimes esp when they dont spend as much time with them as us, they just dont know what the kids are capable of. Talk to him tell him it hurt you and perhaps he will tell you why he said it, if he wasnt willing to step in, he mustnt have been too concerned about the situation either?