I knew there was a testosterone surge around now but I didn't realise it was bigger than at puberty!!! Poor dude.

MM that sounds like my two - best friends, worst enemies..!

Calluna we do that too, though I hadn't framed it like that, we do "less about problems, more about solutions" and "use your nice words when asking a question", which seems to work. With DS1 it is more when he doesn't get his own way or if someone gets in his way (poor DS2 always cops it) he lashes out.

Nice to know I'm not alone at least. Maybe it's time to read some Biddulph...