Keen to hear the answers too - my son has started this with his day sleeps as well, only way at the moment is to Hug-a-Bub him until he falls asleep then transfer him to my bed and stick a boob in! Not ideal... At night he just lies down with me but if I put him down the same way during the day, you'd think I was killing him!!
It must be stressful for you to know that she is upset.
I know what you mean about the tension. It also does not help to hear people say 'oh but at least she sleeps at night' which I can only guess people sa to you, as I got it a lot.
If you are going to put her down and walk out, try 30sec-90sec max.
Its ok to let her know that you are there. For that matter, if you want to do it, and its safe, its OK - whatever it may be.
DS1 was a horror day time sleeper from about 5 months onward. He was rarely awake and happy, he was usually tired and unsettled. I rocked, patted, sang etc him to sleep. I would sit on a chair next to the cot and pat and shush him. Sometimes it took 30 mins and hed got to sleep. Sometimes it took over an hour, and Id get him up have a play/feed etc and start again. While i was settleing him 90seconds was the longest he was ever left for.
After a week of this, his day time settling got noticeably better, after 3-4 weeks it was a lot better but he was never one to just be put down (by me or DH) and go to sleep For other people though, like daycare or my mum, he was fine.
I also found a lot of his problem was wind, and brauer stomach clam was awesome.
If your starting her routing by the clock (which I do sometimes with DS2) it may be that you are 5 minutes early. sounds weird but that could be all it is.
DS2 has very different and a lot more obvious tired signs so 60% of the time hes fairly easy to get to sleep, but the rest of the time, or if i miss the opportunity hes gets cranky. I can still usually get him to sleep but it could take 15-20 mins of settling, rocking etc to do it.
DH gets very frustrated very easily, so he takes him for a wal k in the pram which helps relax him as well.
Honestly, I think a bug chunk of the difference is my stress and anxiety levels are different this time around. I know he is tired, i know he wants to sleep, and Im a lot more relaxed about it. Wtih DS1 i remember sitting on the bed in the next room, tears streaming down my face rocking myself back and forth with thoughts buzzing around my head. and once i even yelled at him why wont you sleep ? etc. I can remember that day clearly even now. We tried sleep school but the 'nurse' was nuts and told me off for breastfeeding him, so I left. I took on board some of what she said not all.
Thats all you can do. Lots of people and books will tell you something different, and you just take on boeard what you like, and leave the rest. If you are going to try a settling technique, you really need to be able to do it (and eeryone else who is settling your DD) for 3 weeks solid to give it a good go.
If you google Queen Elizabeth centre you can download podcasts. its a sleep school, but a lot gentler than the one we went to (tweddle in vic). They wont tell you to leave your child to cry, but do offer a lot of good advice. Even if you dont agree with all of it there may be something in it that grabs you.
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We tried sleep school but the 'nurse' was nuts and told me off for breastfeeding him, so I left. I took on board some of what she said not all.
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