Gigi, I know how much you stress about food.
And TBH, I think it consumes your life amd it is affecting your relationship with Bilby.
What about serving her her sometimes foods with veges in them, choc mufins with carrot and zucchini grated into them?. DO NOT tell her about the veges.
I know that we all want to live in an ideal world where we raise well rounded eaters, but sometimes it is just impossible. Spend your $ on a really good quality kids vitamin and give it to her in a small glass of juice one a day
You can use xylitol as the sweetener in your food, it even has some health benefits without all of the blood sugar spikes that cane sugar does.
Do you think that part of her wanting to be with her dad so much is that she doesnt have to go to schook when she is with him. Maybe the bullying is affecting her worse than you think?
You are the most amazing mum, BUT YOU NEED TO STOP BLAMING YOURSELF for Bilbys issues, you just have an extremely finicky eater and you need to stop fighting that.
Hugs to you. xxxx