Question re sleep techniques

[Mum2boy]

I have read TH's book, and applying the techniques now, and this is now helping my son Cooper (14 mo) with sleeping.

BUT, I am still confused about the following:

1. If my son wakes up earlier than 7, how long do I persevere laying him down to get back to sleep - what if it goes past 7am? Do I stop and get him up?

2. His sleep at night is much better, but his day sleeps continue to only go for 45 minutes x 2. Do I also lay him down until he goes to sleep?

3. I used to give Cooper his milk before his morning sleep, but following advice from TH, I give it to him at 7, before his breakfast. Why is this?

Would love it if anyone can help me with these questions. Thanks

[Lucy]

I have to be honest, I am no fan of hers.

If you are questioning some of her techniques, or if they don;t feel right, or if they simply don't suit you and Cooper, my gut reaction is to do what actually works for you, rather then what the book says!

1. If my son wakes up earlier than 7, how long do I persevere laying him down to get back to sleep - what if it goes past 7am? Do I stop and get him up?

At this time of year with the sun up so early, all 3 of my babies are waking at around 6, so our day simply starts at 6. It's just easier all round!
If you are lucky enough for him to go past 7am, it'd probably suggest to me he is happy in the land of nod..I am kind of in the "don't wake a sleeping baby" camp!

2. His sleep at night is much better, but his day sleeps continue to only go for 45 minutes x 2. Do I also lay him down until he goes to sleep?

Sounds to me like a typical pattern of sleep cycle. What does he do when he wakes after 45 mins? Chat to himself? Or scream and cry? Does he have any music playing whilst he is napping? A CD on repeat of more than 50 mins can often sort this out.......

3. I used to give Cooper his milk before his morning sleep, but following advice from the book, I give it to him at 7, before his breakfast. Why is this?

I have no idea.......I'll be honest, Lexie is nearly 13 months, and she has a milk feed on waking, then brekky, then another bottle before napping. Just because this works for her/us.

Not sure if I have helped any?

[BellyBelly]

You might like to read THIS discussion.

[Pinky McKay]

You may be interested in some evidence based sleep information that encourages you to follow YOUR individual baby's needs and encourages optimal brain and emotional development, not a prescription that isnt based on any actual scientific evidence.

I am doing talks "Sleep love and your baby's brain" with Anni Gethin, social science researcher and Co author ( with psychologist Beth Macgregor) of Helping Your Baby to Sleep. I am author of Sleeping LIke a Baby and 100 Ways to Calm the Crying, an international Board certified Lactation consultant and infant massage instructor - Anni and I are both mothers so have been there (which isn't the case for some baby sleep authors).

Info below - and Melbourne venues for next week's talks. see Baby Sleep Seminars for more info or my site here.

Confused about baby sleep advice? Concerned about the impact of baby sleep training regimes such as controlled crying?

Looking for gentle baby sleep and settling techniques that WORK?


FOUNTAIN GATE
Wed 17 Oct. 10am. Fountain Gate Hotel, Overland Drive, Westfield Shopping centre, FOUNTAIN GATE (Follow Village Cinema signs)

CARNEGIE
Wed 17 Oct. 7pm. Packer Park Hall, Lella Road, CARNEGIE (Melways: 68, J

MOONEE PONDS
Thurs 18 Oct. 10am Griffin Studio, Incinerator Arts Complex, 180 Holmes Road, MOONEE PONDS (Melways ref 28 D7)

You can book on the site Baby Sleep Seminars

Pinky McKay
Pinky My Child
Baby Sleep Seminars

[Mum2boy]

Wow, talk about intense stuff Kelly. To be honest, I really don't want to give an opinion about the whole thing - I try not to when I don't know the whole story...for example, I read the majority of the book, but skipped the routines for a child under 1, and about breastfeeding/solids, and newborn routine, so I can't speak about how a routine would go for newborns. Being a mum first time, sometimes routines can be wonderful and other times I can understand why it would feel so wrong.

When I look at how difficult the last 14 months have been, I would've loved to be able to get some guidance with helping my son settle himself to sleep. I have no problem at all rocking my baby to sleep, or doing anything to help him sleep, but unfortunately, he started to depend on this.

I am glad to have more wisdom that I have now, than what I would've had 10 months ago. I feel sad for women who feel so overwhelmed by what being a new mother entails. It is so overwhelming, and you just want to be able to do it right. Unfortunately, there are a lot of mothers out there who felt like me, and wondered when 'mothers intuition' would kick in.

I remembered a few months ago when I was waking up a lot in the night, in the day took me ages to get Cooper to sleep, he wouldn't sleep long, and was constantly breastfeeding. IMPORTANTLY, I had a grumpy baby most of the day. I said enough was enough, and tried control crying. Remember, I NEVER wanted to do this, but was so lost with what to do, and was so sleep deprived. It worked for a few days, and slowly due to me not being consistent, things went back to the way there were before. SO I said, I will just go with what 'feels' right (and hoping this would be mothers intuition.

Well...things just started to get worse. He started his days VERY early, it sometimes took me hours to get him to sleep, and he was grumpy, and I was VERY grumpy also. What spare time I had when he was asleep for short amounts of time, were either catching up on lost sleep, or doing chores whilst I had the time. I just felt miserable. I remember crying to my Mum, saying 'when are things going to get easier??' And I thought that I was doing the 'right' thing.

So when I started to apply SOME of the techniques and routines for a 14 mo from SOS book, it took a few days before I started to see things getting better. But 5 days later, I am SO much happier, and so is Cooper.

The person who gave me it, said just take what you want from it, and use common sense. What I did that worked for me, was instead of letting him cry his heart out (which breaks my heart) when I put him to bed, was everytime he would stand up, I would lie him down. This way, he knew what I was trying to say to him, I was there to comfort him, and it worked. It really did. I wasn't in the next room crying my heart out like months ago.

Now, he goes to sleep happy. And wakes up happy...which is a first in many months. He would normally wake up screaming...

So what I am trying to say, is it is really sad when you feel so overwhelmed when you are a new mum and get bombarded with loads of advice. Would it have worked for us when COoper was a newborn??? I have no idea - all i know is it has worked for us at his age, and with what information I wish to take.

Honestly, parenthood does feel like rocket science sometimes. And strangely what I would've thought wasn't the right thing to do (like routines etc), when I applied it, it actually worked.

Thanks for the info

[BellyBelly]

Just thought I would let you see for yourself what some BB people think about it... I refuse to comment on it anymore, but as you can see, its not too popular around here and it's not just my opinion Rather than start up new threads on topics all the time its good to search for older ones too... but good luck with it, I know there is advice on her forum you can sign up for and also via email. Not judging you at all so I hope you don't feel that way - no two parents are going to do things the same way.

I think some book authors make it like rocket science but its actually a simple science to it... your instincts and intuition... but the way society is, women are losing their power and confidence - it stems from what happens in birth and overflows into parenting.

[Michelle71]

I went to one of the baby sleep sessions in Sydney and found it fabulous (thanks Pinky ) Doesn't mean I am getting any more sleep but at least I am more confident in continuing to feed my baby when he needs it and I have the knowledge he will sleep longer ..... eventually!!!

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

I have found that DS needs his routine and would probably love things like Gina Ford or Tizzie Hall, but I wouldn't be able to cope on them so we don't do them.

We now start to day at 7.30! Woo-hoo! A lie-in every day! However, we do this because I have a set way to get DS to sleep at night. He feeds to sleep then wakes up at 8.30, pats and sung lullaby to sleep. At night I try to pat/sing, then feed if he isn't liking that. Sometimes I have to pick him up and rock, pat and sing. But he now goes back to sleep at 6am because I'm telling him it is night - and he is put back to sleep until he smiles at me and talks to me instead of crying.

DS is so into his routine (just based on what we did most days anyway) that he starts to mime putting a hat on at 9.50 to remind me we're supposed to be outside for a walk, he doesn't start to tell me he is tired at night until he is in his bath, he even starts saying "daddy" at 4.30 because that's about when DH comes home. Weekends he just glares at DH all morning until he decides Daddy is allowed to be home LOL! Luckily DH prefers to go out with his mates for a bike ride/fishing trip on Saturdays so that suits DS quite well.

Anyway, routines are fab and just pretend it's midnight at 6am and hope your DS gets the idea soon. Bon chance!

[krysalyss]

Mum2boy - I know exactly how you feel.
I am very pro-comfort parenting. I want my son to feel safe and to develop confidently, knowing he is loved. When my ds started being a challenging sleeper I felt lost. There is soo much conflicting advice out there. The funny thing is, my field is animal behaviour, welfare and learning. I have a whole wealth of knowledge from my own field albeit in animals but I was still overwhelmed by the information I was getting. I felt that for some reason wanting my son to have the opportunity to learn to self settle etc was in conflict with comfort parenting. But I realised that I just needed to find a positive solution around the challenge. I studied up on baby development and 'experts' opinions and then made my own solutions based on my bub. Now two weeks down the track everything is fantastic. I didn't resort to controlled crying. I stuck to my comforting and I still gave DS an opportunity to learn. I am so glad I started listening to myself and my bub. Sure I know we will have other sleeping challenges when he starts teething and goes through lots of 'milestones' but I feel up to the challenge now.

I also think one of the problems is that definitions differ between different people. For example: routine to one person means not getting up till 7 even if the baby is crying, feeding is at 7, 10 etc. While to another person, routine might just mean getting ready for bed by having a bath, changing the nappy, reading a book and singing a lullaby. So one word can mean so many different things.
Anyway I am rambling and probably rehashing other posts.
So just wanted to say a big good luck with it all.

[~Debbie~]

i tried the Controlled Crying method, and whilst it worked at times, i hated it. I believe that my job is to provide a safe and loving environemnt for my child, and that controlled crying sorta didnt fit that theory.
I now practise another form of CC - Controlled Comforting . I stand beside his cot, and hum, and pat his tum till he starts to doze (i also have a cd player going). Then, i as he starts to nod, i stop patting, and just hum. As he gets more sleepier, i stop humming, and just stand there. It takes 2 songs on the cd player.
I really only need to do that if he is abit over tired. If he is happy tired, he may just put him self to sleep. If he is really over tired, then, i let him go to sleep in my arms.
I figure, i will have more years of no cuddles then i will have years of cuddles, so i will take all i can get.
Mind you, he is still not quite 16weeks old... not to heavy yet.