Mum2boy - I know exactly how you feel.
I am very pro-comfort parenting. I want my son to feel safe and to develop confidently, knowing he is loved. When my ds started being a challenging sleeper I felt lost. There is soo much conflicting advice out there. The funny thing is, my field is animal behaviour, welfare and learning. I have a whole wealth of knowledge from my own field albeit in animals but I was still overwhelmed by the information I was getting. I felt that for some reason wanting my son to have the opportunity to learn to self settle etc was in conflict with comfort parenting. But I realised that I just needed to find a positive solution around the challenge. I studied up on baby development and 'experts' opinions and then made my own solutions based on my bub. Now two weeks down the track everything is fantastic. I didn't resort to controlled crying. I stuck to my comforting and I still gave DS an opportunity to learn. I am so glad I started listening to myself and my bub. Sure I know we will have other sleeping challenges when he starts teething and goes through lots of 'milestones' but I feel up to the challenge now.

I also think one of the problems is that definitions differ between different people. For example: routine to one person means not getting up till 7 even if the baby is crying, feeding is at 7, 10 etc. While to another person, routine might just mean getting ready for bed by having a bath, changing the nappy, reading a book and singing a lullaby. So one word can mean so many different things.
Anyway I am rambling and probably rehashing other posts.
So just wanted to say a big good luck with it all.