Babywise (Gary Ezzo) - An Article by Katie Allison Granju

[fourthontheway]

I was under the impression that the Ezzo books were illegal in Australia?

[butterfly_warrior]

GFI (and I therefore assume Ezzo) certainly has a following in Australia. My sister in law has been hassling us to do a GFI course from the moment she found out we were pregnant. I was all for it until I started to look into it. Now they tell me I'm raising a monster because we cuddle him to sleep and don't leave him to cry at night. I'm told he will never obey us... and yet, he responds to no and stop and come here, just like their first child did at this age.

I so desperately want to print this article and give it to them! I can see how it worked for their first child, but it most definitely did not suit their second child (when they speak of needing to break his spirit, I just want to cry) and there's no way on earth it would have suited our sensitive little boy.

BW

[TeniBear]

It would be interesting to see the children/teenagers whose parents used this method in the first few years, even if it's just to see how their parents responded to "misbehaviour" once they were off-book. And, more interestingly, would they be "normal"? Confident? Clingy? Rebellious? Likely to use the same techniques for their own kids?

Astrid's right, the scariest part for me was the cult-like status of these books and their followers. Thinking of my friends who are mums, I can think of at least two who are possibly following these methods... It really scares me that there are people like this out there. Babies should be free to be babies.

[BellyBelly]

Although parents should gently set limits, punitive discipline for very young children and babies is repressive and can quash exploration and excitement in the first two years of life. It will be interesting to see some follow up on these kids in later years. I suspect that they'll have a lot of inner rebellion."

This is similar to what they teach in the PET program (creator Dr Thomas Gordon was even nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize) that the authoritarian style of parenting may produce obedient, well behaved children. BUT they WILL eventually break out. They will get to the point of rebellion and have little or less respect for their parents and not seek them out for as much advice or help. They wont come to them with problems as they fear an authoritarian response and may feel resentful, angry, frustrated and repressed. Instead PET recommends an authoritative approach which I have to say has worked wonders in this family.

This thread and this thread are a good read.

[maz]

Righto...Im gonna say it only cause a gf and I have been talking about this sort of thing today.

BB has educated me to become a better mum and friend to my children. Articles like the one that Kelly put up have helped me realise that what I am doing is right for us. As it might help other's realise what they need to do for themselves.

Before I found BB i had no idea about delayed cord clamping, direct contact after birth and that its alright to cuddle your baby when their upset

I really do appreciate that we get all information out there, and all points of view.

[Shanti]

Thanks Kelly for posting this article. I think it's important to post articles like this to get the message across..... if some people follow books like "Babywise" and believe in it, then I guess, each to their own I say..... I'm so glad I don't follow it.....

I follow the like's of people like Pinky McKay I parent out of instinct....

[Just Me]

Coming from a place where we are the odd ones out for not using Babywise (Ezzo and his theories are pushed a lot in our church), I appreciate articles like this as it reinforces to me that we are making the right decision for us. I have observed things and had conversations with friends who use it and it is nice to know that other people have noticed these things to about a program such as this.

The conclusion that I have come to though is that I value very different things in parenting my children than what this program promotes. I do not measure how great my parenting is by how well my children sleep through the night at 8 weeks or how quickly they are obedient to me. For some people that is important. To us it is not. I find that because we hold our babies when they cry rather than leaving them to cry it out or because we focus more of the intentions behind the behaviour of our children, rather than the behaviour in isolation, we are often judged as having misbehaved, disobedient and stubborn children by many of our friends who think Ezzo is tops.

For me, it is good to see that not everyone thinks the Ezzo way and to able to discuss it. It is good to read different opinions on his work rather than it just being fantastic. It is also good to have support from other people who don't agree. I am confident in my parenting choices which is why I continue to parent the way I do in the face of so much adversity, but I really do appreciate the support and opportunity to discuss.

Choclatecatty - I get that you may feel marginalised on here for agreeing with Ezzo to a certain degree, but I feel marginalised with many of my friends because I don't agree with him. For me, posts like this are important.

I also think posts like this are important because they challenge people and help them think differently. There are lots of things that people say on BB that I don't agree with or don't like but everything challenges my thinking, it keeps me in check, it makes me think about why I do what I do and I find I am changing the way I am thinking if I don't like the answers that I come up with to the questions that I ask myself. I like the way that my thinking is changing and appreciate my thoughts and opinions being challenged.

Ultimately, I think I am more confident in my parenting choices because I am challenged and stretched. I understand why I do what I do and why I think they way I do. I have learned not to be scared of people disagreeing with me but rather to listen to what they are saying and think about what I am doing. Having said that, everyone needs some level of support for their choices too and it is also nice to find that on BB