Controlled Crying/Comforting: Did You Do It & Did It Work Out For You?

[BellyBelly]

Thought I would do a poll to see who on BB had tried controlled crying/controlled comforting and if it worked out for you.

If you're not sure about the definition of controlled crying, please clarify here first to make the poll accurate:

Controlled Crying, Controlled Comforting or Sleep Training

Other BB articles on Controlled Crying/Comforting/Sleep Training:

Controlled Crying: The Con Of Controlled Crying
Babies and Sleep

[queenh]

Nothing like another article to make parents feel guilty! I have tried a mixture of controlled crying and staying in the room and comforting the girls, when in the room (I have 12mth old twins) my girls think it is play time and will not go to sleep. I read the article and in view there has been no research either way for either argument, what are we supposed to do? I don't want my babies to think they are not loved or won't be comforted, but then I do not have the energy to sit in their room with them for hours on end trying to get them to sleep. Damned if you do, damned if you don't! And what about all the children who in the past had controlled crying used on them? Do we have generations of people irreversibly damaged due to controlled crying? There is only so much you can do with the circumstances you have and people should not feel guilty for trying the best they can with what they've got. I think there are too high expectations on parents these days to prevent so many if, buts and what ifs. In 20yrs from now we will probably be told to use controlled crying again, everything goes on swings and roundabouts basically. I am having an early childhood nurse come and guide me though everything because knowing exactly what do is all too confusing!

[sunshine_sieben]

I voted that I have never tried it. This is only partially true. I have never stuck to a CC routine. But I have on a couple of occasions left my babies to cry. Of course, when you're sitting on the toilet with a tummy bug, there is not a whole lot you can do about it. But this is not what I mean.
DD went through a horrible time with sleeping. For the first 6 months, I was NEVER able to rock her to sleep, then put her down. No matter how fast asleep she was, the transfer ALWAYS woke her up. She always wanted to sleep on her belly, but I was not game enough to let her. The first 3 months, she had ALL of her sleeps either next to me (falling asleep on the breast) or in the Hug A Bub. After she was 3 months old, I managed to sneak away once she was fast asleep. However, this often took close to 2 hours. By 6 months, I wanted to change things. But there was no way she even wanted to lie in her cot or on the bed for a minute. I did for a night or two try to pat her to comfort her, but she was beside herself the minute her back touched the mattress. I just coudln't do it. She was distraught, i was in tears and DH was getting very worked up. The longest I ever let her cry (with me patting, rubbing her back, singing, being right there) was about 10 minutes. I gave up after that and went back to feeding her to sleep. It wasn't worth it for me.
However, I did have to sort of use control crying in the car. She HATED the car from about 2 weeks onwards. It was absolute horror. But there was nothing I could do about it. It's not like I could rock her or anything. All I could do was to limit or rather eliminate car trips. But that made me horribly stuck in the house. I was getting very down and with a history of depression, I was scared of developing PND if I didn't get out more. So I did regular car trips, but not long ones. It still took 6 months for her to stop screaming in her seat. And when I say screaming, I mean at the tops of her lungs to the point I was worried she'd have permanent damage from it. She used to get bright red or purple in the face, very hot and almost get to the point of vomiting. It was horrible. Once we were stuck in traffic after a car accident. It took us almost 2 hours to get home. She screamed the whole time.
Seeing that it still took her 6 monthts to accept the car, I don't believe CC would have worked on DD.

With DS, I have been very lucky. He is much easier to get to sleep. He also sleeps better on his belly. I am aware of the risks, but I have made a decision to let him sleep on his belly. This made a huuuuge difference. I do not advocate doing it. But it is what I have done.
He also went through a stage of not liking the car. But it only lasted a few weeks in which I just didn't make big trips. Now he's usually ok for about an hour. Long trips are more challenging, but who can blame him? Fortunately we don't need to do long trips very often. And when we do, we take our time and take breaks.
However, he also has had a few periods of unsettledness (I know, not really a word). On one or two such days, being very sleep deprived and about to lose my marbles, I have put him in the cot and walked out for a few minutes to re-gather myself. This is not CC but I had to do it as I was getting quite agitated and angry at him. I had to remove myself from the situation and remind myself, that he is only a baby and he's not out to get me.

[toomanyshoes]

I was unsure what to vote for because while we did use CC for DS, we didn’t for DD.

I also don’t think we were as strict as the official controlled crying technique, IYKWIM?

With DS it was pretty easy to tell what was I need something cries and just crying for the sake of crying. It also only took about 2 weeks for it to start working and he would fall asleep no worries. But we also started swaddling in that time as well, which is what I think had the most impact.

DD was completely different, she was crying non stop because of the pain, we had so much trouble feeding her, getting her to sleep, stay asleep, keep her feeds down. She ended up co sleeping for the first 6-9mths (not every night after 6mths), I also started using a sling for the first time because she was so uncomfortable laying down.

So I voted yes and had a little success, because I think it helped with DS but I think the swaddling was the major factor!

[Livinthedream]

I did it when my bub was about 4 months old. It worked within a day or so, but my bubs isnt very stubborn, and he thrives on routine.
However, I did the hard core, bubs in a room, shut the door and leave him be method. I found me going in and out just kept getting him wound up when I walked out.
He is now a stellar sleeper, I rarely hear a peep out of him and he is generally asleep within 5-10mins of me putting in his cot.
I dont regret it, and I dont think I have damaged him for life.

(Let me add, by the time I did this, I already had HIS tired signs figured out, back arching, high pitched whine and thumb suck )

[Neenee Jellybeanie]

I've never tried it. I read recently (in a book called The Birth Wars I think) that the inventor of CC, Christopher Green, actually recanted and now doesn't recommend CC at all.

[Fleur]

We went to a 'sleep school' with DS2 where they taught CC.
I voted 'had no success' but TBH it might have been because it just didn't feel right & I really had trouble coping with it - maybe I didn't do it for enough nights? but then, for me, that still counts as not working. If it's not something that I can do, it's not gonna work IYKWIM?
He was 14 months old when we did the sleep school & didn't really settle well on his own at night until he was closer to 2.

[PumpkinZulu]

Voted never tried it, with either of mine. They both slept amazingly until about 6 months, then they started waking multiple times a night and they still do.

[Joeve]

I never thought I would try it.
When DD was 11 months and I was heading back to work we tried it. She had always been a wonderful day sleeper and from 9 weeks slept 11-12 hours straight through at night until I moved her into a cot from her bassinet at 5.5 months. She then woke 1 -4 times a night. I didn't mind too much as I wasn't working so I would booby her back to sleep. In the lead up to returning to work I was worried how I would function. So at 3.30am one morning after 4 wakes I googled cc on my phone and started then. I cried, she cried it was a bit yuk but after 45 minutes and 4 rounds of resettling without booby she slept. The following night I did it again, she woke twice and it took less time for her to resettle to sleep. The following night she slept through.
We still have some nights of waking, maybe 1 per fortnight and I always go in and settle her and she goes back to sleep.
So it worked well for us.
The first night was hard, then the second night while hard, was a bit easier.
Its a personal decision and for us, it worked.

[Frangipani Lou]

Nope never tried it, never will.
I was trained as part of my studies years ago to do it( now I know there are more gentle and respectful options available to us) but as a gentle attachment mumma I would never do it. I have read widely about attachment theory, parenting around the world, studied early brain development and for us it's a no way/ no go/ never ever zone.

Evolutionary Parenting has some interesting articles on it as well as the science involved.

The Science of Parenting is also fascinating as well as Parenting without borders- fascinating about how people parent around the world.

[onthefly]

I always want to know what people mean when they ask whether this 'works'.
My goals as a parent centre around building solid, trusting relationships with my children and supporting them to achieve their potential, etc, etc. Making them sleep doesn't really rate as a priority.

(And yes, my kids woke hourly for months and months on end, and yes I worked, and yes, they didn't sleep through till over 2 and 3 respectively, so I've been there. It's a short time, though, once you look back, and they can transition to independent sleep without you lifting a finger if you just wait).

[Jaycee]

I agree with absolutely everything madb just said, I'm still going through the constant nightly waking, and after 6.5 years of it I've never even contemplated letting my children CIO, I've read far too many articles stating how detriments it is to my babies.

[CinderToriella]

It's not for me .. Yes both my girls have woken up hourly or several times per night .. DD1 started sleeping through at 3.5 and DD2 is 8 months old and wakes several times per night .. It's fine by me .. I'll wait it out as it won't be forever ..

[Em_325]

I'm very much an each to their own when it comes to parenting but this is something that isn't for me. I get constant pressure from well meaning family and friends to just let him cry it out but it's not for us. Even though there are nights I am going to go insane with sleep deprivation I still couldn't do it to him. This was cemented by the fact that the other week I was in the shower when he woke so I didn't hear him straight away and by the time I got to him he was absolutely hysterical. I just kept thinking how scary it would have been for him calling out for Mum and not having me respond. He is only 4 months old as well so perhaps I may change my mind when he is older but for now this is not an option for me.

[Marley&Me]

I think it sometimes has a lot to do with how well you can cope. Some can cope quite well with little to no sleep. Others (like myself) are completely unable to function and become very depressed. I can't tell you how many dangerous/silly things I had done as a result of lack of sleep. I absolutely lost my mind and was bordering PND (as some of you may remember) But if you and your bub are fine with broken sleep, then there really isn't any need I guess

[Joeve]

It's definitely a very personal choice. I do sometimes get some terminology confused so I may have mixed some things up.
In my mind CIO and what I did aren't the same thing. Yes she did cry those two nights but never for longer than a few minutes before I was there with her.
I remember a girl in my mothers group telling me about her experience at a sleep assistance place and I thought I couldn't have coped with what they were suggesting.
The wonderful world of parenting definitely has lots of views, values and beliefs on all things

[onthefly]

There are lots of definitions and 'rules' which makes it confusing, yes.
I'm not sure anyone is really fine with broken sleep - or not for long stretches of time, anyway (babies excluded, they live and breathe it) - but we do have different resources we can draw on, both internal and external, and that certainly makes a difference when it comes to our decision making.

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

Liebs is 7. He knows when he wakes, he is still loved. He is not alone, scared or neglected.

I didn't do CIO. I don't get a full, unbroken night's sleep every night. But it works for us.

My mother did CIO. I don't trust her. At all. She also is very self-serving and lies a lot. But she let me scream and cry and didn't care. She did, however, get to sleep.

Anecdotal evidence, yes. Depends on the aim of cio, both of us would say it works for us.