Controlled Crying/Comforting: Did You Do It & Did It Work Out For You?

[Beach Mama]

I'm not sure if it was CC but a form of I guess, but with both of mine after 4-5 mths of literally trying everything and in the end, me wanting to run off and join the circus, we let them cry. We sat and shhh'd and patted and then shut the door and went in and out, and with both of them it took one night. J went from waking 1-2 hourly for FOUR months non-stop (hence my circus craving tendencies - surely that would have been more fun?) we did just this, and after that one night, the following night he went 5 hours and then increased to what he does now which is sleep 7-7. If he does wake up we cuddle him and hug and retuck and he goes back to sleep. Iz was the same and both kids were 7-8 mths old when we did it. We would NEVER do it with a baby under 6 mths - in fact even once they hit 6 mths I still felt they were too young.

I am also not sure what we would have done if we had to do it over the course of a number of nights/weeks. I also completely understand WHY people do it at a younger age. Especially when you have tried everything, when you feel like you are literally going to die from tiredness, when your babies cries actually don't register on the care factor because you are so brainlessly tired that you just need to do something.
Each to their own as in everything else in parenting.

[Heaven]

DD was an absolutely horrendous sleeper until over a year old but we never did CC. We contemplated it when we felt like there were no other options and didn't know what to do. But when it came down to it there was no way we could go through with it, it felt really wrong for us. She was crying because she wanted to be near me and would settle as soon as I held her and I couldn't deny her that if that's what she needed. So we gave up trying to change her and just went with it and that's what actually worked for us in the end. She started sleeping through at 16 months and now sleeps from around 8.30pm to 6am without waking. She is happy to run to bed and goes to sleep without any fuss. It was a long 16 months but was totally worth it. I am for a better sleeper this time though, lol.

[Shanti]

We never needed to do CC. Not only did we feel it was wrong for our DD (after many things we've read about it) but also we haven't had to. There have always been other ways. First 4mths, well she was a newborn and waked frequently but by 4mths DD slept REALLY well between 4mths and 8.5mths and only woke once in the night and would feed back to sleep! She was pretty easy!! By 8.5mths/9mths of age, DD started needing to be co-slept with us as the separation anxiety kicked in and from then on, her sleep was REALLY difficult. We found the best way for DD without upsetting her or letting her cry, was lying down with her until she fell asleep.

DD is 21mths now and sleeps really well most nights, and most of the night until 530am/6am. If she does wake at night, she can settle herself back to sleep otherwise she comes into bed with us and settles very quickly.
She's even started sleeping in her own 'big bed' now at night and asks us to sleep in there rather than bed with us! If she wakes in the night she will come down the hall and find us and climb into bed with us. She's doing so well and we are so proud that we've always done the 'gentle parenting' thing. It's really been the best way for DD. Besides, if we'd left DD to cry we wouldn't have been able to get to sleep listening to her anyway!!!

In saying all that, we are hoping this 2nd bub will be a better sleeper because DD really was very difficult for us between 9mths and 15mths and we weren't getting much sleep!!!!

[Muraho]

Never. I had serious misgivings about it when pregnant, and this was confirmed the more reading I did.

That's not to say I haven't walked out of the room when Rhino has been screaming - sometimes you do need to take a breather. But not to the point where he went to sleep crying. Either I go back in after a minute, or my DH takes over. I just can not agree with any form of 'controlled' crying or CIO or any of that whatsoever.

Unfortunately, I am the minority in my friends circles. I was constantly recommended the E z z o book which was very much of the belief that babies manipulate through crying and that it's sinful to 'give in' to their crying - so I've had to fight an uphill battle against what those around me recommend.

[Marley&Me]

Old thread, but just wanted to add that it worked for us. The first time I tried I knew she wasn't ready by her screams, it was very traumatic. But I waited a few more weeks and then it worked fantastically. I could tell by the difference in the cries. Second time round it was a tired, protesting kind of cry. Almost like a 'but i don't wanna go to sleep yet!' kinda cry. After a few days she was settling on her own I will add that she has a dummy too, so that helped the settling process. If she would still wake during the night or after only one sleep cycle during a day sleep I would always go in and settle her. I'd roll her on her side and rub her back or pat her bum until she went back to sleep. Eventually she could slip from one sleep cycle to the next on her own. And I've never looked back

[PumpkinZulu]

Voted never tried it, with either of mine. They both slept amazingly until about 6 months, then they started waking multiple times a night and they still do.

[Joeve]

I never thought I would try it.
When DD was 11 months and I was heading back to work we tried it. She had always been a wonderful day sleeper and from 9 weeks slept 11-12 hours straight through at night until I moved her into a cot from her bassinet at 5.5 months. She then woke 1 -4 times a night. I didn't mind too much as I wasn't working so I would booby her back to sleep. In the lead up to returning to work I was worried how I would function. So at 3.30am one morning after 4 wakes I googled cc on my phone and started then. I cried, she cried it was a bit yuk but after 45 minutes and 4 rounds of resettling without booby she slept. The following night I did it again, she woke twice and it took less time for her to resettle to sleep. The following night she slept through.
We still have some nights of waking, maybe 1 per fortnight and I always go in and settle her and she goes back to sleep.
So it worked well for us.
The first night was hard, then the second night while hard, was a bit easier.
Its a personal decision and for us, it worked.

[Frangipani Lou]

Nope never tried it, never will.
I was trained as part of my studies years ago to do it( now I know there are more gentle and respectful options available to us) but as a gentle attachment mumma I would never do it. I have read widely about attachment theory, parenting around the world, studied early brain development and for us it's a no way/ no go/ never ever zone.

Evolutionary Parenting has some interesting articles on it as well as the science involved.

The Science of Parenting is also fascinating as well as Parenting without borders- fascinating about how people parent around the world.

[onthefly]

I always want to know what people mean when they ask whether this 'works'.
My goals as a parent centre around building solid, trusting relationships with my children and supporting them to achieve their potential, etc, etc. Making them sleep doesn't really rate as a priority.

(And yes, my kids woke hourly for months and months on end, and yes I worked, and yes, they didn't sleep through till over 2 and 3 respectively, so I've been there. It's a short time, though, once you look back, and they can transition to independent sleep without you lifting a finger if you just wait).

[Jaycee]

I agree with absolutely everything madb just said, I'm still going through the constant nightly waking, and after 6.5 years of it I've never even contemplated letting my children CIO, I've read far too many articles stating how detriments it is to my babies.

[CinderToriella]

It's not for me .. Yes both my girls have woken up hourly or several times per night .. DD1 started sleeping through at 3.5 and DD2 is 8 months old and wakes several times per night .. It's fine by me .. I'll wait it out as it won't be forever ..

[Em_325]

I'm very much an each to their own when it comes to parenting but this is something that isn't for me. I get constant pressure from well meaning family and friends to just let him cry it out but it's not for us. Even though there are nights I am going to go insane with sleep deprivation I still couldn't do it to him. This was cemented by the fact that the other week I was in the shower when he woke so I didn't hear him straight away and by the time I got to him he was absolutely hysterical. I just kept thinking how scary it would have been for him calling out for Mum and not having me respond. He is only 4 months old as well so perhaps I may change my mind when he is older but for now this is not an option for me.

[Marley&Me]

I think it sometimes has a lot to do with how well you can cope. Some can cope quite well with little to no sleep. Others (like myself) are completely unable to function and become very depressed. I can't tell you how many dangerous/silly things I had done as a result of lack of sleep. I absolutely lost my mind and was bordering PND (as some of you may remember) But if you and your bub are fine with broken sleep, then there really isn't any need I guess

[Joeve]

It's definitely a very personal choice. I do sometimes get some terminology confused so I may have mixed some things up.
In my mind CIO and what I did aren't the same thing. Yes she did cry those two nights but never for longer than a few minutes before I was there with her.
I remember a girl in my mothers group telling me about her experience at a sleep assistance place and I thought I couldn't have coped with what they were suggesting.
The wonderful world of parenting definitely has lots of views, values and beliefs on all things

[onthefly]

There are lots of definitions and 'rules' which makes it confusing, yes.
I'm not sure anyone is really fine with broken sleep - or not for long stretches of time, anyway (babies excluded, they live and breathe it) - but we do have different resources we can draw on, both internal and external, and that certainly makes a difference when it comes to our decision making.

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

Liebs is 7. He knows when he wakes, he is still loved. He is not alone, scared or neglected.

I didn't do CIO. I don't get a full, unbroken night's sleep every night. But it works for us.

My mother did CIO. I don't trust her. At all. She also is very self-serving and lies a lot. But she let me scream and cry and didn't care. She did, however, get to sleep.

Anecdotal evidence, yes. Depends on the aim of cio, both of us would say it works for us.

[CinderToriella]

I don't really think it's a matter of being "ok " with broken sleep
But I feel it's something that comes with having a baby , I expected it and I deal with it , I have days I can barely function can't see straight but for me personally I could never do it , DD1 has reflux badly and hardly slept , We walked the house with her for hours and when she did sleep she would mostly sleep on me . But the thought do do it just never crossed my mind , this is my personal decision..

[Em_325]

I did end up with PND as I didn't cope at all with the lack of sleep. I expected night wakings but I never thought id have a reflux colic baby who would scream all night but I got prompt treatment and got through it without having to do CIO. I was obsessed with sleep and thought if I got sleep I would be better. In the end once the medication kicked in I could deal with the sleep deprivation a lot better. In saying that though that was just to offer another experience. I think when it comes to babies parents have to make the decision that is best for them and their family. If doing CIO for a few nights results in a baby sleeping better then good on them. Just because it's not something I would personally do doesn't necessarily mean it's wrong for everyone. I don't feed to sleep either. I have a feed, play, sleep routine and when DS wakes if I know he isn't hungry I resettle using other methods. Does it mean feeding to sleep is bad? Of course not it's just another thing I choose not to do.