Fig. It's really hard when they struggle so much with sleep (for both of you!)
My DS was over 2 before he could put himself to sleep. We tried all sorts of things and just gave up and went with it till he figured it out himself. I know that sounds terribly unhelpful, but I think it's unfortunately a stage of their development that some kids really take a lot longer to get to than others. It's kinda hard to make them when they just don't want to sleep.
I hope you can figure something out soon