Just Let Her Cry..... (CC/CIO)

[Oorki Galoorki]

The way i see CIO or CC is that it happens when people have no real support at home, that every thing is left up to mum and when she cannot get anything done due to her lack of sleep all those well meaning "helpers" (who actually arent offering arms or hands hor help) say just CIO its ok.. but it isnt ok what mother who has actually done it has thought it was right while doing it? but because this is the "helpful" advice being given mums give it a try.

Yes i Have tried it. it was awful for all involved yet i still didnt have someone come and help but i had LOTS of 'helpful' advice..

I also wonder if parents are scared now to ask for outside help when they are struggling, for fear of looking like they can not handle having a baby when Most people find the change of a baby hard.

[girlonamission]

The way i see CIO or CC is that it happens when people have no real support at home, that every thing is left up to mum and when she cannot get anything done due to her lack of sleep all those well meaning "helpers" (who actually arent offering arms or hands hor help) say just CIO its ok.. but it isnt ok what mother who has actually done it has thought it was right while doing it? but because this is the "helpful" advice being given mums give it a try.

I also wonder if parents are scared now to ask for outside help when they are struggling, for fear of looking like they can not handle having a baby when Most people find the change of a baby hard.

I think you might be onto something there! It is so true (and only common sense) that sometimes, when a mother (especially one with older children to tend to as well) is so busy, she sometimes can't avoid letting her baby cry, whether it be for a mere minute, or longer.

I know when DS2 came along, DS1 was very demanding (and still is) and sometimes poor little DS2 just had to wait for mummy because she was all tied up with DS1 who was also trying to adjust to having a new bub in the house. Its not that I put him down in the cot and said "stuff him,he can cry!" its just that sometimes i really had no choice because there was only one of me and DH works long hours and I am really the only "hands on" parent in this house (no disrespect to DH, its just he feels less confident with the kids than I do, and he works long hours and doesn't really have a choice).

So I really do agree that sometimes parents who have let their children CIO are not doing so intentionally, its just how it has to be sometimes.....

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

Yes, I think BB is making a statement here that CIO is wrong and not to be done, also that parents who don't love their children do this. What could have been a good, informative article was brought down by emotive, judgemental wording and by Kelly re-publishing, BB is "owning" that judgement. Not just this article either, there is a general "CIO is bad" vibe throughout the forum, which I am happy to say I go along with. But this is just a bit too emotive and confrontational. I felt the writer lost a lot of credibility by turning her point into a... can't think of the word now, but letting it get personal and emotional.

I was a mother with no help. No DH most of the time (especially at night!). No family to just cook a meal. Friends telling me to CIO because I had no sleep. I didn't do it: I knew that advice was wrong for us. DS was very good at knowing he should sleep at night and when he woke then he needed something, quite often comfort for pain that never went away. Just because you're tired and someone tells you to do something, you don't have to!

[Dollyroux]

Well said Lady Zadie.

[Oorki Galoorki]

I absolutely agree Ryn, but I think You were lucky to have found BB before you were PG and had Liebling, becuase you already knew of an alternative source for information. Many women do not know where to turn when they have no help and are at the end of thier tether(remembering sleep deprivation isnt known for rational thinking) so if the only peice of advice is to let them cry, Then of generally that will be the thing that is tried because it is made to appear that all mums do it and its OK (we know in our hearts it is not ok).

SO what i am saying is the lack of REAL support is the reason (i believe) that this is being pushed on to so many women and families.

[Dollyroux]

My issues isn't so much whether CC/CIO is or isn't the right thing to do - my issues is that the article is an emotive piece of claptrap, designed to push buttons, especially that well loved button of mother guilt. Other mothers/women should not be using emotional blackmail to make other mothers feel guilty - whether that was the intention or not.

Some of the statements are downright horrible and I don't think would help anyone using CC/CIO to find a better soloution - it would just make the individual feel really really bad. The links provided might help someone find a better soloution and also provide actual evidence, as opposed to a story.


And yes, it won't make ALL mothers using CC/CIO to feel bad, and yes it may make some people seek so called 'gentler' options in regards to sleep and settling, but I don't think that makes up for the extreme tone of the article and the affect it may have on mothers that are already struggling.

Ok, will try to climb down off my high horse now.

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

That article wouldn't make me look for a gentler alternative - because I would fear the judgement from anyone with gentle ideas. It gives the gentle alternative as being sleepless nights to show love to your child. That is not a great thing when you're tired and are open to CIO. Most of the alternatives mentioned in the article I tried and they didn't work. (DS's issues came from an unknown pain, not inability to sleep.)

(I don't know if BB strengthened my parenting ideas, but I had hatred of CIO before here. Just got nicely honed here! But remembering being left to CIO as a toddler and still living with the feeling that I'm just not important to my parents or ever listened to... I don't want that for DS so I don't do it. I do know another non-CIO mother IRL too. Just like BB hasn't changed my ideas on homebirth, it has given me a source of info so I don't feel I even need to tell my doctor I'm pregnant now. Not that I am, but YKWIM.)