we adopted one of our cats from the RSPCA - she was 3 (or 2 we're not sure!) and she's good with our DS - admitly he's only 13 months but she's good with knowing when to run away - and she's also been good with the other kids we've had in our house, even when a friend of DS's grabed a chunk of her fur she just looked at me like "uh, make him let go" you can also ask (if they know) if the cat has been around kids before/ if they're suited to kids. we asked them about our girl and they said she'd been find with the kids comming in to see cats. as for loo training most cats are fairly bight and you only need to show them the loo once or twice - then they "get it" as DH told me (he's had his male since he was 3weeks old) and sure they have some "oppsies" but they're fairly clean animals who like to keep their wees and poos covered up.

both of our cats co-slept with DH, DS and I too.

from a male Vs. Female thing. males tend to be more plasid and affectionate then females, our male had been chomped on, flopped on and chased and only ever "complained" about it, never striking out at any one. but each cat is their own cat, and once you spend a little time in the cat enclosure you'll get a feel for the cats. - DH and i found the saying true; "you cant pick a cat, it'll pick you"