Mothers Groups...yay or nay?

[nurseymum]

So interesting to see everyone's responses. My mother's group has been going strong now for 4.5 yrs and has seen many new additions, life changes, moves and various other challenges. I agree that there are some enviroments that have a strange competitiveness to them, I was originally part of another group that had a really superficial feel to it, and as someone said in a previous post, that feeling that if I admit to not coping or not turning up looking fully made up was somehow equivalent to failure, was not nice

The lovely group I then found through the Ecc was such a better fit. We came from backgrounds that included 2nd marriages, 2nd babies, single parenting, IVF, premmie babes and even surviving international incidents!! We seemed to all need each other, and need the honesty and openess...so lucky! Still catching up weekly and even putting together a collective of our pre/post baby experiences in a book, so when the years pass, we'll always be able to look back at the raw, honest side of being a mum - not everyone gets the fairytale, but what you often get is so much better

[emc2]

I'm new to it all. I went to the local ABA group which I thought was good, when I was pregnant. However as I've stopped BF, I think I need to try some other groups. Child Health have referred me to one, then there's the regular one, and then there's a whole bunch of activity based ones. Basically I live near the Enoggera Army Barracks lmao so there's a baby boom around here.

I can't wait to go to the Babies and Rhymes at the library, as by coincidence after my first ultrasound, I went to the library and that group was there.

[~*Niadalla*~]

Either online or IRL I have never really gelled with any mother's group which saddens me. I think I'm an ok person and pretty easy to get along with... but maybe I am the problem??!! hehe

My IRL mothers group was good, although rfom a more affluent area and were all a good 5 years older than me at least. They were all really nice and for a good 12-24 months we'd catch up, but I haven't seen them in nearly 2 years. I have a couple on FB who I talk to occasionally but that's it.

In saying that, I wouldn't hesitate to join a mother's group first time around. They can be invaluable. Just being able to chat to other Mums whose kids are the same age and going through similar things is a great help.

ETA: I go to a local playgroup with the kids and I have made some amazing friends there. Because we are in such a small area our kids will grow up and go through school together which is nice.

[nurseymum]

emc2 try your local early childhood centre for sure! You never know who you might find there, and generally the other women will have babies the same age, which I think is perfect, because then you're going through the same stuff at roughly the same time!

Hope you find something that suits, as really there's no book out there to laugh and cry with you, to support you, through the stuff that is a bit to "raw" or "real". Women can in fact be each others best allies

[Astrid]

My mothers group was OK first up. Most of us got on well enough for the sessions and a few friendships were made. Some of us knew that we were not really friend material, but did not let that get in the way of the group running smoothly. That all changed though when a new member joined, she was an outright bully and sadly I was her victim. It tore the group apart. I admit, that I did behave badly due to lashing about the treatment I was receiving. With hindsight I should have left the group, but got all stupid and stubborn, even though my gut was saying leave. I could blame her for it all, but really it was all of us that let it happen, it was worse than being back in highschool.

Since then I went by the rule of if I got a bad feeling, or came across someone I knew I would really butt heads with, I would move on from the group. After that we moved towns and I found a fantastic playgroup, along with getting involved with the ABA. Not getting more involved with the ABA first time around is something I really regret, as they would have given me the support I needed.

[fionas]

I joined a MG but I was unable to attend as much as I would have liked to because I couldn't walk very far and wasn't driving at the time. I'm not the sort of person who would say, "oh, can you stop making meet-ups at x because I can't get there, please revolve the group around me and make the venue y."

Despite that, I still feel very much part of the group even though we moved from Melbourne to country Victoria, I try to make it down to dinners in Mel as much as possible and we keep in good touch on FB which is a godsend.

They are a really good group of women. We all have different approaches to parenthood but everyone is very accepting of other people's choices and non-judgemental. I think our approach is that this is a tough enough gig already without anyone passing judgement on what anyone is doing. And that's really refreshing.

I didn't join a MG for my second born but in hindsight I probably should have. Intend on joining a playgroup though to get to know more people in our new area.

[Olive]

BIG yay from me, we've been catching up every week for 4.5 yrs, i love my mothers group

[LuluHB]

I never joined a RL mother's group because I had difficult, screaming babies, but joined a playgroup when my girls were 18 months and 2.5 yrs. I'm not sure if it was because they had all been together as a group from their babies' births, or if it was me but I never gelled and I didn't think I got anything out of it. I didn't think the girls did either - it was simply a different place we went to play.

I did form a very close friendship with three ladies from BB - you know who you are!! We were in the same belly buddies group together starting almost 5 years ago. We now have a private internet group and while I have never met any of them in real life, despite flying to Melbourne to do so (bad timing with a trip to the children's hospital!), I honestly don't know where I would be without them. They are the most supportive, understanding women I have ever had the pleasure of knowing.

I think mothers groups all come down to the individuals. If you're unlucky with those individuals, its not worth the time. If you get women like my three friends its the best thing in the world.

[peanutter]

I love my MG to bits. It's so great.

The only 2 negatives really (over the past 14 months!) have been:-

1) two mums got into a tiff because Mum A got angry with Mum B for bringing her baby to group when the baby was a bit sick, whereas the other mum didn't see the big deal; and

2) there was a bit of unplesant feelings going around when not everyone was invited to everyone else's bubba's 1st birthday parties.

But week to week, it's lovely, and we go out socially as well as getting together for group, and we interact loads on FB too

[leesha]

Love. love, love my mother's group! We have been meeting once a week for the last 3 years. We make the effort to do a girls night dinner once a month and this month we made it with partners as well. There are 7 of us and one has twins. 4 of us also have second children now so we have grown as a group.
We all get along and are all great friends, none are clicky or *****y which has made us work well ;-)
We meet at a playgroup victoria centre and pay a membership each year so we have a stable environment for the kids which is catered to all our needs. And it takes the pressure off mums to have people at their houses as we all have different environments! Also insurance is invovled so if anything serious did happen we are covered and noone feels to blame ;-)

[nurseymum]

Love what I'm hearing Seems like there's more joy and support when it comes to MG than I had heard!
Do you find you get the real bare bones advice and support of a friend or just a more superficial "only kiddie related" type thing? We've had family deaths, relationship struggles and kids health issues all of which I truly think were made more bearable by the presence of my MG
Some of the events of the last 5 yrs or so have been so that we have compiled a collective of mothers group stuff that we're hoping to self publish later in the year...might have to head to market research forum to get some more info and see if there's the appeal we think there might be... Again loving all the different perspectives

[Gigi]

This is my mothers' group, here on bellybelly


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Yes, i feel the same way. Have not found it IRL. (when i DID find it, petrol and geography made it impossible).

[Cherished]

I'm sure you'll get a lot of feedback on this topic! I feel really disappointed about my mothers group and have only just decided on Tuesday that I am not going any more Mainly because they are so different to me. They all feed their babies crap food which is really important to me and they bring their babies along sick even with really contagious things like Hand Foot and Mouth I kid you not!! so this really annoys me. Plus they are as you said in your post fake, clicky, snobby etc but hey my mothers group is in a snobby area so what did I expect!?! Another major thing for me is that none of the other dads were interested in their babies and my dh was the only one who ever came along to a get together, each to their own but I'd rather be building relationships with people who think more along the same lines as us. I have however tagged along to another group a few times which is closer to where I live and they are completely different and way more relaxed. From my original mothers group I have one mum that I hang out with heaps so it wasn't a bad thing going along there and the 2nd group most of them seem like they could become good friends Only one girl even appears to have similar parenting ideas to me and used to work in a similar field to me so we have heaps to chat about. I am hoping that when ds is older and I start him in a steiner play group that I will meet more parents and maybe have more supportive mums around me for our 2nd bub. Thankfully dh is amazing and what the mothers group lacks he makes up for 100000%

Just reading back in the posts, the ABA feedback sounds great. I have called them for advice a few times and I think dh and I might be moving soon so I will call and meet up with a group near wherever we move. No one in my original mothers group breastfed like I do and noone co-slept and I had some really nasty comments like I was going to kill my baby sleeping with him!!! grrrr and looks of horror that I demand feed my DS

[Beach Mama]

Obviously depends on the group but mine is wonderful! I have moved out of the area but still go once a week and was travelling 20 mins to get there and home, now it's about 15 because we moved venues but my girls are ace. Yes there are sometimes conflicting parenting ideas (we aren't clones after all) but the beauty is that we don't take things personally, we can give our opinions, advice and move on and still stay friends. We are all the same age roughly which makes a bit of a difference I think, and being at the same stage of life. We had one girl join who was 20 (we are all mostly in our 30's) and she was in a share house with her little one and her DP - she only came a few times at the start and then didn't come anymore - fair enough.
Anyway after all that just wanted to say yes! Mine is ace and we have planned a little girls weekend away in September - massages, wine and yummy food! Bring it on!

[nurseymum]

Agreed Tanstar, it is like a bit of a lottery, and there has to be just a wee bit of luck that you'll get a group that just gels, and is accepting of differences... Thats not to say that like cherished1 we haven't had our little "bumps in the road", but guess we all really needed each other, so as i've said before, I almost feel like the stars were alligned or something quirky like that. I know being a single mum I was always terrified of how i'd be perceived, but these women are really like sisters now...it's been an amazing journey

[NaeNae]

My mothers group was really huge ... 17 mums and 18 babies (one mum had twins). It was ok while it lasted, good for the day out but honestly I am not good in big group situations, I prefer one on one or smaller groups. I also didn't like the "competition" between the mums.
Its been 18 months since I have caught up with most of the girls BUT I do see one or two every now and then. I found joining something like a playgroup (ours is through the Salvos) MUCH more beneficial and a lot friendlier as most of th emothers were not first timers.

Nae x