How to encourage older children to fall asleep independently?

[NicNac]

We have a 3.5 yr DD that we used to stay with till she went to sleep. We also have a 1 yr DS and, theoretically, they room share.
When DS came along, DD was in the process of dropping her day sleep (still not entirely dropped) so a couple of months ago we grabbed the opportunity to discuss DD going to sleep by herself with her. I think at 3, she was old enough to understand what we were saying and go cold turkey. She did it the first couple of nights no problems (we gave her heaps of praise for doing so, got nanna to comment on it etc etc), but then she started to jack up a bit about it. We were pretty firm about her going to sleep by herself, and only very occasionally has DH sat with her for five minutes only to get her to settle down a bit.
It all seems to run quite smoothly if she hasn't slept during the day, if she has slept we put her back to bed 100 times.
The other catch is that she mainly goes to sleep in our bed, and we transfer her later or she stays in that bed (I sleep in her room with DS cause he still feeds at night). To be honest, it's a work in progress, mainly because we play musical beds here. Not sure what we will do with DS later (we rock him to sleep) as they go to bed at the same time and I can't imagine that running smoothly- we will probably stick with the going to sleep in different rooms. I have bought a star projector and am thinking we might give it a try to help DS self settle and it may help us getting them to sleep together....

[Teeki]

DD is 2.5 and usually goes to sleep with DH reading books to her. If she asks for me she likes me to sing to her. At this stage there is no way known that she'd go to bed awake, on her own, and fall asleep by herself. Honestly I don't see how or when that will happen, but she's been the one to lead so far - no more breastfeeding to sleep, and going straight to her room instead of starting in ours.

The times she takes way too long and I just cannot sing anymore, I tell her I'm tired, I need sleep and so I'm going to close my eyes and she can go to sleep. She does go to sleep, but sometimes it takes a while. I guess one day it'll just be one book, one song, then sit with her til she's asleep, and one day she won't need that.Will

For me right now nights on my own aren't too bad as DS is usually asleep on the boob while I sing to DD. Ask me about this when he's older and it may be a whole different kettle of fish. But my ideal is still reading/singing to them til they're asleep then transferring one.

Good luck, I hope you find something that works for you.

[JLeigh29]

DS, 3.5, is a bit of a rare case...he used to go to sleep independently from about 18 months til just before 3yo (one day he just told us to go away and put himself to sleep from then on!) but after an interstate move/transition to big bed/who knows what else, he decided he needed help again. DH used to lie with him til he fell asleep, then gradually over a few months transitioned to sitting with him (no interaction), to standing next to the bed, to standing at the door. He now stands at the door, mostly out of view. We explained that once DH has put him to bed, told him his story, had a cuddle etc, he would stand at the door. He won't answer if you call out, and will put you straight back to bed with no talking if you get up. DS was old enough to understand this and has been really good about it. We can't just leave him, but DH can leave the doorway just before he falls asleep. Takes about 10 mins.

Our problem is the night wake ups - he comes in several times and wants DH to put him back to bed and wait at the door. We talk every day about Daddy only staying for 1 min, but he usually ends up staying til he falls asleep again. It's usually only 5 mins, but long enough for DH to have trouble getting back to sleep

[trishalishous]

DD is 3.5 and listens to an audio book in bed now, while DS (18 months) is boobed to sleep.

[Artechim]

On the evening after DD2 was born we realised that there was no way that we could maintain sitting with DS, DD1 and deal with the baby, so DH went into DS's room and told him if he went to sleep by himself for three nights in a row then he could go to the shop and pick anything that he wanted as a reward. Worked! He had just turned 4 at that stage though, so a bit older than your kids and we had done the prep of leaving the room to go to the toilet/do a job before returning to help him go to sleep so he was used to being alone in there. DD2 was only 2 and a bit when she started sleeping independently - we were on holiday and she was in a shared room with DS and I actually had to go to the toilet so I left them, then I could hear them happily chattering so I didn't go back in and she was fine. We kept it up after we got home. She has been my best night sleeper.