Different perspectives on dealing with 2 yr olds misbehaviour.

[Babyluv]

Help haha. No but seriously help!

I have a 2yr and 8 months dd and an 8 month old ds and could do with some different perspectives on dealing with misbehaviour. I try to be a patient, gentle, compassionate mummy. The biggest issue at the moment is appropriate play with DS. Dd will sit on him like she is riding a horse, she will lie on him, push him, bite him, snatch toys from him and just drive him mad. I have physically shown her the way we play with babies, touch babies, talk to babies etc. I remind her to touch him gently and show her how to. I do warnings and timeout. I praise her whenever I see her share with DS or play nicely with him. I redirect her as often as I can, I ignore the little things, we keep busy with different activities. I am patient, nice mummy all day, most days but some days are so bad I end up really yelling at her.
There is so much conflicting advice out there.
I would really like to hear what techniques other mums use for toddler misbehaviour that has actually resulted in positive outcomes.

[Arcadia]

At that age she doesn't have great impulse control so I would be inclined to limit any unsupervised time they have together. Is your ds crawling? If not he could prob sit with his toys in a high chair or in a play pen so he is safe so you can do regular house-stuff. When you're free to play I would be mindful of not giving him all your attention because 2 year olds are possessive little things.

At that age I spent a lot of time playing duplo with dd and ds was able to sit and suck on toys or bang the blocks etc. it was a lot harder when he was moving and started to wreck her stuff.

I personally think she is too young for time out (and I don't think it's necessary). She needs lots of supervision with him and redirection when she is being rough: 'if you want to ride a horse lets build one with cushions', 'teddy likes being squeezed but babies don't, where's teddy?'. That kind of thing.

Remember it's normal behaviour and yeah try and keep your cool. Of course we all loose it though.

I found if dd was being rough and not able to be redirected I would scoop baby up and take him elsewhere and give him all my attention. She learned pretty quickly that being rough wasn't going to get anything from me. Basically it's ignoring bad behaviour and praising good, because responding to the hurt child shows your dd she gets no response from you for that kind of behaviour. Of course then continue to praise good behaviours.

It's amazing how quickly this stage will pass, then you'll be trying to stop your ds attacking your dd, which is what I'm going through. Good luck.

[Babyluv]

Thanks Arcadia
Some good advice there. Yes he is mobile and he's a big boy so it won't be long before he gives her a run for her money.

[chody47]

My DD (almost the same age) responds well when you talk about how the other person is feeling. I say things like "when you do x it makes DD2 feel sad" or "when you share with/cuddle DD2 it makes her happy". Those sorts of statements are enough to redirect her the majority of the time.

[Arcadia]

Haha, well I used to say to dd, 'if you're rough with ds you just show him how to be rough to you' and little did she know how true that was. It's such a balancing act. You're doing a great job. I know where you're at and it does get easier, but like all parts of parenting change brings good and bad. Hang in there. Trust yourself and remember you're working on a big picture so don't sweat the small set backs or off day.

[Babyluv]

Thanks

[Babyluv]

Chody47,
I wish she were sensitive enough to respond to things like that. She's such a roughy.

[chody47]

Chody47,
I wish she were sensitive enough to respond to things like that. She's such a roughy.

She might suprise you? We started saying it when she went through a stage of hitting us. We would tell her that it makes us sad. Initially she didn't really get it, but after a little while she did.

[Babyluv]

I'll always continue to remind her that it hurts, makes baby sad etc. hopefully you're right and eventually it clicks.

[Bloom]

Dd will sit on him like she is riding a horse,

Sorry this is completely unhelpful, but this made me laugh (sorry!) and it reminded me of when DS2 stepped on DD like she was a stepping stone. He looked very pleased with himself.

I hope you get some more useful posts!

[Rouge]

Role play as I always say is good. Try and remember that she's not sitting there conjuring up ideas on how to hurt him. Nor is she going to be the next dexter she's learning. I would get two of her favourite toys and demonstrate being gentle vs not gentle. Remind her constantly and make a big deal when she is gentle. Positive reinforcement is always more effective than time outs etc at this age. Because its about teaching her what to do instead. And be on her case about it. If they are in the floor together teach her by asking her to get a toy for DS. Ask her to help out as much as possible. Little girls love being little mummies. And try not to set her up to fail by leaving them to their own devices until you feel she understands. I know this is hard. Has he got a little seat that he can sit in when they play together. And if she's playing with something that she doesn't want him to get into set her up at a table above his reaching level so that she isn't going to get frustrated with him. And worst case scenario is what I used to call the logie performance. Where if she hurts him make a big deal out of it. Don't scream and tell. But gasp and make out like she could have really hurt him. I know it sounds really manipulative but its how I was able to stop both my two from doing things that could end up hurting themselves (like touching a hot oven etc) yelling doesn't work and I never smacked. But when you express an exaggerated emotion they tend to understand it more than just time out/yelling etc. Because it touches on their ability to feel empathy. And they realise the seriousness of the situation. At that age a little one on one chat is really not effective. Repetition is the key, positive reinforcement and helping them by showing them alternatives. And give her a voice if you can see she's feeling frustrated. So if you can tell she's finding her brother hard to deal with tell her you understand that it's hard for her. Give her alternatives to help her feel less frustrated and tell her she's an awesome big sister by being so patient. And even though he's a baby if he's being unintentionally rough remind him to be gentle so that she understands that he is only learning too. And she will start to mimic how you deal with it. And for you, it's totally normal to feel frustrated by it. You're doing great

[Babyluv]

Fantastic advice Rouge. Thanks so much I will try the exaggerated response.