When your kids won't eat what you make.

[wysiwyg]

Can you forgo the showers on work nights Teeki?

Yes we don't do baths or showers on work nights ever.

[Teeki]

I guess we probably could. It's become part of the routine though, part of the wind down, and some rare relaxing time I spend with the kids during the week. In the shower DS plays with the water for a bit then puts his head on my shoulder and just snuggles in. DD tells stories while she waits and I finally get to hear about her day, and she likes to play in the shower.

The other upside is I get to have a shower lol. The way the kids have been waking up lately, I probably just wouldn't get one if I had to wait til later.

[leckert]

Teeki, could you try slow cooker meals for some of the days you work? Prep the food after the kids are in bed for the following night, put on in the morning (on a timer) ready to eat soon after you walk in the door? I have done this a few times when I know DH is working & I have a feeling that it's going to be a late pick up after school (I'm a teacher) usually meeting night.

[Teeki]

Most meals during the week are done in the slow cooker, it's great I still want to eat with the kids though. If I'm getting home at 6 they wait, if I'm going to be longer than that they'd be able to eat without me.

It's most noticeable on the nights I'm home on time, when it's all done we just look at each other and go "already? It was so easy!" Lol.

[Frangipani Lou]

I just offer fruit and yoghurt. After all I recon that second course is simply another opportunity for good nutrients. We don't see second course as a reward for eating first course and we trust DD to know when she's had enough and what she feels she needs to eat. At the mo, it's raw carrots, fresh or frozen peas and corn, fruit, yoghurt, muesli, nuts and loads of protein.
I'm hoping this approach will help to reduce the risk of issues with food later on.

[leckert]

At the mo, it's raw carrots, fresh or frozen peas and corn, fruit, yoghurt, muesli, nuts and loads of protein.

Here I was thinking my boys were the only ones who ate frozen peas, frozen corn, frozen beans & frozen capsicum - although they usually have this for entree if I get them home early enough from childcare so that tea (meat & veg option usually is when they do this) is being made.

DS2 is currently going through the eating cereal for breakfast & tea (would probably do lunch too if we let him) stage. Looking forward to this being over - going through cereal like it's going out of fashion currently.

[Frangipani Lou]

Often frozen veg, cherry tomatoes and raw carrots are part of breakfast and or lunch so I'm not too worried if she only eats carbs and protein for dinner like last night- pasta with pesto, bacon and green veg.

[Teeki]

Raw veg is a hit here too. Apparently DD doesn't like sweet potato (because Daddy doesn't), but both kids will happily eat it raw. Along with celery, carrots, frozen peas, beans, almost anything as well as fruit. If we're having a particularly fussy night because of a boring meal, I'm happy to let her skip the cooked veggies and munch on raw ones instead.

[~phyrephly~]

Just bumping this thread, I came to BB today searching for ideas as my DS1 (3.5 yo) refuses all meals in favour of a biscuit.

Dinner time goes like this: I cook a meal and plate up parts of the meal I know he will eat like raw carrot, rice/pasta/mash potato, a few pieces of meat and some grated cheese. He is under no pressure to finish it but we ask he eats at least one piece of meat and some of the other parts. He gets ice cream after if he eats what we ask. It worked great until a few weeks ago.

Now he refuses any/all of what he is given. If he gets rice, he asks for pasta. If he gets pasta, he asks for mash. He refuses all of the food and asks for a biscuit. We say he gets nothing until breakfast. Then he wakes in the middle of the night saying he is hungry and asks for a biscuit (which DP provides, as he is night parenting DS1 while I am feeding DS2 who is 9 weeks old).

This morning DS1 refused any breakfast requesting a biscuit (biscuits are milk arrowroot). Every meal time is a compromise/bribe - "if you eat your toast you can have a biscuit". He will hold out until he gets what he wants! ARGH! I don't give in, he has to eat x to get y.

I am so over it all. After reading through this thread I am thinking of continuing to offer food, continuing to ask him to eat a certain amount but knowing to look at his food intake over a week, not a day. I worry that he doesn't eat enough, he is tiny! His baby brother weighs half as much as he does already! I know its about control, about a huge change in the home, a new sibling, about being 3.5. I have no more patience! I struggle managing the fall out from sticking to my guns about food. HIs melt downs and tantrums are epic!

[Rouge]

He will eat when he is hungry. It's just a matter of how long you can hold on.

Also include them in the prep. Ask him before dinner what he would like. Ask him to measure out the pasta or rice into a bowl so he feels a part of the meal. Throw the biscuits in the bin. If he's not old enough to show restraint and he has more stamina than you then don't buy the biscuits. Buy foods that are always foods. Have a container of snacks in the fridge or pantry that he can eat at anytime. It doesn't sound like this is about food at all. It sounds like he feels he doesn't have much power in his choices. It might be time to start offering him more choices in all aspects of his life. We only fight against authority when we feel we have no control. So maybe offer him some more control in other areas of his life and you might find meal times are less stressful. Try and watch your interactions during the day. See how often you tell him what you are doing, wearing, going etc. and see if you can change it around so that he can feel a part of the process. Rather than a passenger in your life. It's a hard balance but getting that balance helps for a happier child and household

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

I go with "if you aren't hungry for dinner, then it's bedtime." I will allow fruit/veg instead, so long as he eats some of his dinner. He usually likes it, but getting the first mouthful in is a problem sometimes. Less so now DH decided to get really strict.

If he really can't eat the food, but tries to, then I will offer something else, like toast. But again, it's the trying and not whinging. I also let him pick the meal at least twice a week and he cooks at least once a week - has done since age 6. Before he cooked a meal himself (as in picked it and was involved in the making process), he would help out with the food, like making the salad or the sauce. He would not eat most of the salad, but he started to try it. And it did get him eating a greater variety of sauces. From about 9m old he would "help" me cook by handing me things and eating the veggies while I cooked. As he got older, he has done more and was chopping stuff up for me (supervised!) from age 2, so it isn't impossible.

When I say he picks the meal, it usually means we look through cookbooks and agree on one, or like last night he teams up with one of his parents to force a meal choice. Usually works in my favour! I don't allow beans on toast every meal, or burgers all the time for example. It may be "Pasta or rice? What shall we cook with that?" or "Sausages or chicken? What veggies do we want? Jacket potatoes or mash?" So there's a choice, but it's still what I want to do ITMS.

[Livinthedream]

Yeah, I am with Rouge. I would stop buying the arrowroots.
Then just offer him his normal meals.
Sounds to me like you may have to get your DH a little more proactive an out the whole process too. Nothing is going to change if he just gives in and feeds your DS in the middle of the night.

[Abigailll]

I don't do anything except when I think they are starving and really can't eat what I cooked. I would never force them to eat it but I also don't want them to go to bed starving. So they get a slice of bread instead if they want to.

[Marley&Me]

I am just wondering...is 18 months too young to understand :eat what you get or starve"? I definitely don't want her to develop bad eating habits. But I am having this problem most nights and it's driving me nuts. But I feel she doesn't quite understand yet.

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

No. Children know when they're hungry. They know your habits and consistency. They add the two together pretty quickly to understand what to eat and when.

[krysalyss]

The only time I will make an alternative if DS doesn't like it is when we realise it the main dinner is spicier than we expected and then I don't think it is fair to make them eat it. But generally dinner is dinner and you can choose to eat it or not. If he doesn't I would let him have a glass of milk. Its not something he particularly likes so he wouldnt choose that over food normally, but it does top him up a bit before bed if he didn't eat dinner. We dont have too much of a problem though, and sometimes its about your marketing strategy. For example if DH says stir fry, DS says yuck. So I say fried rice and DS says yay! The same thing except I mix it together in the fry pan before serving and call it by a different name.

[Marley&Me]

I guess sometimes I just feel she doesn't understand yet. Like she's thinking "mum, I'm hungry why are you letting me be hungry?" There are a couple of dishes I know she will eat. She will always eat things like toast, but I feel she needs something a bit more nutritious than just toast. I use some salt reduced stock when cooking veggies to add flavor, this seems to work. But family meals she usually wont have a bar of. Tried sausages the other night, no go. She's not a fan of chicken much either which is weird. Spag bog is a winner, but i only make it once a fortnight or so. And if I don't give her something else she will usually just cry and cry at me. Ugh, I really hate dealing with fussy eating!

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

Have you tried raw veg? Liebling wouldn't eat cooked veg as a toddler but would chomp uncooked like crazy. I would seve up his meal with raw veg and sliced meat to suck on, then ours cooked.

He still prefers raw veg and won't touch cooked root veg.