Hi Nikkita and welcome to Belly Belly. I am so sorry you find yourself in the recurrent miscarriage thread.
The feelings you describe are so common amongst women who have endured the pain of miscarriage. Miscarriage and late loss is a very painful journey - sometimes not having any reason is far harder than having one.

As Spring asked I would be interested to know if you are in Australia. I would definitely be seeking out a referral to an obs or a clinic that specialises in recurrent miscarriage.
I will provide the link HERE for the Pregnancy after recurrent miscarriage/late loss or Still birth thread. Here you will find other women who have suffered from recurrent miscarriage and late loss. Sometimes sharing your feelings regularly and being supported by others going through a similar thing can be immensley comforting. I hope you can join us there.
I will also provide the link HERE for an information page on recurrent miscarriage. You may find it helpful too.
I am thinking of you... :hugs: