KAM - I hear you so so clearly. I am now in my fourth pregnancy since July 08 and still no baby at home. All I can offer is my love and support and some of my philosophies. Despite just having had a rought weekend with anxiety and a very deep sense of foreboding,and wanted to run around screaming like a lunatic.
Despite that, I am generally able to be thankful for and beleive in this pregnancy. Each day I cherish what I have right now which is this baby. I don't focus on the past( what has happened in my journey) nor the future ( what might happen), but I try to focus on today, and it helps me. It's not perfect, but more often than not I am able to cope. I often just lay quietly with my hands on my tum, and repeat, "I beleive".
I hope you can find some happy medium where the fear and anxeity is not the most prominent feeling for you every day, and there are some periods of belief and hope.
I am so so sorry for the loss of your darling angel babies. I wish that you didn't have to experience the terror of bleeding in this pregnancy. It does make it so much harder to cope. I know its hard, but this pregnancy is not your previous pregnancies. This pregnancy is different, even if that is all you can believe in.... it's something.
Sending you my strength and love.
Laney - HA! I have been asking about you in another thread. I am ROTFL now, always wondering where you were and what was happening. Huge Dory moment for me. Anyway, glad I found you again. I know you're scared sweetie, big hugs. What dates are those next scans?
Beata - So good to hear things are going well with our young hero Cameron. He is looking mighty cute too I have to say. You know I think I might reactivate my ticker. I just have to remember once I have done it to immediately turn it off when I post in the loss and tcc threads.
Kerr - hugs - I don't have much to ofer by way of advice or info, but sending you a big hug.
AFM - well 18 weeks tomorrow! I have been at home alone with teh fur babies since 7 weeks, so it's amazing to think that I have not been at work for 11 weeks! I don't miss it anymore.
Time seems to inch forward so slowly but its forward progression is inevtiable. I had a bad weekend - as I said to KAM, I had a very palpable sense of foreboding, mostly because there was a decrease in my sensing bubs move. Anyway, come Monday, even though things hadn't really improved I for some reason just felt hapy again and lo and behold, I felt bubs moving like something possessed. I feel proud of myself that I made it through the 3 days, feel a bit battered, but proud because I survived. I am noticing I am a bit more anxious at the moment, but given my history its understandable.
Take care, and belly rubs to you all. I'll get to work on that ticker.
starbright, it sounded like you have been thinking of moving for a while. You sound so happy every time you take a trip to see family. You still have time! I don't know about finding a doctor that you feel comfortable with so close to c-section date. There are a lot of expenses when dealing with a big move. I hope it all works out for you.
Didn't you have DS a bit early? I thought I remember you not making it to your c-section date.
dory, my next scan is on May 17th. My doctor told me that I can have all of my scans done in his office. He doesn't mind if I do not want to see my high risk doctor. That is if this baby keeps growing beautifully.
I was going to ask you if you quit work. Do they have you on bed rest?
hey all, just a quick one, saw my OB on friday, all seems well & OB says she looks like a good sized baby. Looks like i'll be induced about 38/39 weeks, last labour was 1.5 hours & it takes 2 hours to get to the hospital, so OB wants to start me off in hospital.
jlk, so glad that your appt. went well, what a milestone. I just saw your ticker!!!! you are moving right along. I think induction is a good idea! I wouldn't want to have a bub in the car either
JLK - AWESOME!!! I am so happy for you. I agree, start off in hospital - no way would I want the stress of even the risk of a birth in the car. And just imagine having to clean the car up - well you'd be in hossy so that would be one for someone else.
Laney - thought I had replied to you.... sorry about the delay... another Dory moment. I have been off work since 15 Feb on medical advice. I am not on strict bed rest, but I pretty much rest most of the day. I can do some smal things, for which I am thankful for. I am ever mindful that if I do too much I could end up in hossy on strict bed rest and I am hoping to avoid that, but have repared for it nonetheless. Good to see you moving along in your pregnancy. 17th May is not that far away. How are you coping?
AFM - I have bounced back and am not so melancholy, but its a bit surreal at the moment. I keep imagining as if these are my last days/weeks of this pregnancy, and that history will repeat itself. My next scan on 4 May is exactly the same gestation that Sophie was when she entered the world. It will be both nice to have reassurance that things are going well ( if they are) on that day, but it's also a bit scary to, thinking about what might go wrong. I just have a deep sense of foreboding that things will repeat but at the same time I also have a really strong fundmental belief they won't and I vacilate between the two. It's very confusing and tiring, to be honest. How can we feel so many conflicting emotions? It's almost like I am a walking contradiction.
Dory, good luck with your up coming scan. I know very well the feelings that you are having. With Grayson, I just couldn't bring myself to believe that he was coming home. I felt positive that I was doing the right thing with the blood thinner injections. It was impossible to get over the feeling that I was going to lose him at any moment. It did get a tiny bit easier when I could feel him moving all day. If he even stopped for a second I was poking at him to get him to move more.
I am very surprised that I have been coping much better this time around. It does help that Grayson keeps me very busy. I think that it also helps that I am not suffering from the depression that I had since Parker's death. I do find myself getting a bit emotional this week. I think that is because Shelby's 2nd angel day and Parker's 3rd are both very soon. I do have my moments when I feel like a crazy lady again too. I think that is because in 6 weeks I have my big scan. The scan when they told me that Parker and Shelby were not doing well. I am trying hard to stay positive. My high risk doctor always told me that the odds are in my favor so I am trying to tell myself that.
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