dementia.

i just had to type that out, thought i was going mad, when i saw "dementure" not once but twice.
(i had to learn to spell allover again, after being in a coma, so i get panicky about spelling sometimes).

Peanutter, the PSTD you are going through, is totally understandable.

From MY experience in hospital, i would say, whatever notes they have on your file in hospy, get them copied, YOU have a second file. Two days before bilby arrived in this world, the hospital, with whom i had put in place, all through my pregnancy, things to make sure things went smoothly, LOST my entire notes, TWO DAYS before i went into labour.

At the time, i thought, doens't matter too much, i'm having a homebirth. But i ended up having to call an ambulance at the 29 hour mark. So i turn up in an ambulance, see all these medical people i've never seen before, the high up ones are shouting/screaming at the nurses to find my notes (which no-one could find) - so they had to treat me "blind" really. All the meetings i had had with one of their anaethetists, to avoid situations like this - none of it counted, as my notes were gone. I was there for 7 hours, so whilst 30 - 37 hours into labour, very exhausted and in heaps of pain, they tried to take my details again, and as i don't have a medical background - well, take my word for it, it was a mess.

In theatre, (the cascade of intervention happened big time, after 7 hours i gave in and said yes to the emerg C) and because of lack of info about my past medical history, theatre was a ballsup and complications ensued.

so, have your OWN copy of your hospy records, as backup.

i think having an independent midwife to advocate for you, IN the hospital, would be gold. Wish i had had that.

Even in a diff hospy, hospies are institutions, they share many similar things, so even in a different setting, there will be many triggers for you. Have you been counselled for Post Traumatic Stress?

It is entirely understandable, why you are so anxious, there are obviously many triggers in the new hospy, that still set you off. You're not crazy, you have gone through a trauma, and it has left scars.

many hugs honey.