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Thread: dp dosn't understand

  1. #1

    Thumbs down dp dosn't understand

    i do feel bad posting this because dp does do alot for me i just think sometimes he really dosn't get it...
    if i ask him to do something its not because i am a lazy cow its because i genuinly feel like if i do it i will pass out iykwim???
    sometimes i just feel like he resents the fact i can't do what he feels i should be doing... i can't work atm and thats putting the pressure on, hes a uni student and has sworn he will get a job but he dosn't really seem to be trying hard and i must say it frustrates me....
    he just dosn't feel the same urgency that i do, this baby will be here in september and we need to get ourselves out of debt and on the right track you know?
    ughh i am so frustrated because he just seems constantly frustrated at me and the things i can't do but i am carrying our baby you know? its not my fault i can't do these things and i really wish he would be more understanding!!!!!
    sorry for the rant


  2. #2

    Join Date
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    ((HUGS)) for you - I know exactly where you're coming from. Although, my DH was working when I got pregnant (so was I for that matter, but only doing relief, so not every week, necessarily) and would sometimes complain about the state of the house or that I hadn't done the washing up. It took me really getting upset with him and explaining how I felt most of the time (exhausted and nauseous) to get him to understand what it was like. Unfortunately they just can't get imagine how it feels, I guess just like we couldn't really until it happened to us! And also you look "normal" still at that stage, so it's hard for him to understand how tiring the first trimester is. By the time you start to show (and then feel better, ironically!) you might find he is coming to terms with the idea that you are growing another little human inside you.

    In the meantime though, are there any guys in your circle of friends who have children? Maybe arrange for him to spend some time with them, perhaps he might be able to talk to them and realise what you are going through by discussing it with other guys. Only another few weeks to go, and hopefully you'll start to feel better and have a bit more energy! And if the baby comes, and you still owe money, it won't be the end of the world. Really, it won't.

    Hope you're feeling better - it helps to rant sometimes!!

  3. #3

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    lol problem is we are the first in our circle of friends to have a baby lol i guess that comes with only being 21....
    we are in serious debt atm i mean 6500 worth on a uni student centrelink benefit and maybe one shift a week from me if i am lucky....
    i have a motorbike and because i guess its impractical i will be selling that and it should take away maybe half of the debt but its hard not to worry u know???
    and on top of that i'm battling with the feeling my dp dosn't even get me atm i'm so depressed and idk what to do i have bipolar and was on meds for a while but they are dangerous for the baby so i'm finding it hard to cope....
    ughhh

  4. #4
    clare076 Guest

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    Having visions of baby seat strapped onto the back of the bike. lol.

    Seriously though I am sorry you are feeling abit down at the moment. It is hard, we were both working when I fell pregnant with Shelby, I had a very good job and was on a fabulous salary as was DP. I still freaked when it was time to stop. I hate not having my own income now and the constraints of what we can afford financially is tough, especially when I never had to ask for money before. But you learn to live within your means. Many a family have lived on a low income and their children are loved and cared for fabulously. Sit down together and work out your incomings and outgoings, see if you can pay a little extra off your bills over the next 6 months. Look for 2nd hand baby stuff, you can pick up some fabulous stuff and very cheap when buying 2nd hand. (most of Shelby's stuff was 2nd hand) That way if you have any money left owing on your loan, you can use the baby bonus to clear it within weeks of bubs being born.

    Have a chat with your DP about how you feel, it is a huge change for them as well when your pregnant. He probably just doesn't understand and maybe he is a bit worried too.

    All the best

  5. #5

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    I agree that it's very hard for the dad's in the first trimester. As far as they're concerned you still look the same as you always did so it's hard for them to get their heads around the idea that you might look fine but you FEEL horrible....ALL the time. And the baby is a very abstract thing to them at the beginning. Once you start getting a belly he'll probably hit the panic button because he can actually SEE the baby is coming.
    Alot of men are like this, frustrating as it is. Hang in there I bet he'll come round.

  6. #6

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    ughhh its sooo frustrating... i know i am being a winger but its like he wanted this as well u know? it wasn't a one sided thing.... i actually had to pay him to go to the shops for me because he didn't see why i couldn't go!!!!
    grr i am soooo mad atm

  7. #7

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    Hugs Noni. You should start to feel less tired soon. Remember that your hormones are exaggerating your emotions too so that doesn't help. I agree with the other replies that it is hard for men to understand that you are actually much more tired in the first tri when you are not (or barely) showing than later when you are huge. One of the books says that a woman in her first tri burns more kilojoules at rest than a mountain climber (due to building the placenta). Perhaps you could tell him that? Also maybe see a GP to see if there are any AD you can safely take?

  8. #8

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    his words - a mountain climber is an elite athlete and once they had had that much training they wouldn't really be tired at all they would be used to it and burn a normal amount of kjs!!!!!
    men!!!

  9. #9

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    Have you tried to sit him down and give him a real hard talking to? I'm having issues with DP too it really grates on my nerves just feel like jumping up and down saying 'I'm carrying our freakin baby for figs sake back off!'. Have you given him some information sheets or possibly dragged him to your doc to get the doc to explain that you aren't whinging it really IS that tiring?

    Best of luck and try not to stress, biggest comfort hugs!

  10. #10

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    Sounds like it's time for some enforced reading/video watching. I can recommend "So you're going to be a Dad?" and there are a few videos around, maybe ask at your public library?

    Or you could just go on strike! If you serve him a can of baked beans on a plate with a can opener for dinner, he might start getting the idea...?

    DH was pretty clueless first time round, he started to get the idea though after I sat on the ground and cried (with exhaustion) halfway through our removals day. I've got to say, he's been much more sympathetic this time round, I think it was seeing me in childbirth, opened up a whole new world of respect for female kind! LOL

  11. #11

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    yeah its hard to explain it to him when he is frustrated about doing everything and there i am laying on the lounge with plates and cups around me because some days i don't even feel motivated enough to walk to the kitchen tp take them out... he was doing most of the cooking until recently when i can sort of stand making my own breakfast and lunch lol i really am spoilt by him but sometimes i feel so frustrated when he gets mad at me because i don't feel like i can do any better and he dosn't see that i am doing my best iykwim?

  12. #12

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    It is hard for dh and dp's to get the whole m/s and feeling life crap stuff. My DH went thru a "its all in your head" bit, because when i hit about 6 - 7 weeks, that was when the m/s kicked in, and he said, well, you felt fine 2 weeks ago, now you know your preg, its all in your head. BLAH BLAH BLAH
    One thing that did help, was i had 2 copies of Up the Duff, and we read it together more or less at night. And that gave him a light hearted version on pregnancy, and helped him to understand things abit better. For example - in one of the weeks, it says, If people ask why you are tired, tell them you have been making eyebrows (or something) all day.
    So, each week, I would say to him - "You would be tired to if you had to make fingers all day" KWIM. It was like a constant (not nagging) reminder that inside you is busy making all this bits to create a healthy bub.
    Financially - its a tough one, that only you and him can work out. But, you need to sit down together, pen and paper ready, and work out what you owe, what your expenses are, and just how are you going to be able to do it. See what government assistance you can get as well.
    Remember, whilst matching furniture, clothing and all the accessories, which can cost a fortune look pretty and nice, baby doesnt care as long as it had the essentails. Warm bed, food, and shelter.
    One thing that might help, is I BPay my bills monthly - like, power, water, gas etc. I worked out how much it cost me over a year, and then divided that by 12 months, and then my bank automatically transfers that amount each month on. I made it about $5 or $10 more then what was necessary, just to cover those times, like Summer, where you use the air con abit more. My land line, i do weekly. So when those bills come in, the are already either paid, or, so little owing, that they they carry the amount till next bill. My Januarys lot of payments, i was able to defer, as i was so far ahead, that they owed me, so it gave me a little extra breathing room financially.

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