You are still in shock, it was a surprise after all. Don't be too hard on yourself. Everything you are feeling is totally justified! You can do this, it just takes a little while to get your head around it all. As for affording things as they get older, well, you just do what you can! Keep doing what you can to keep yourself healthy and fit, it will make you feel happier! Your older children will love having a younger sibling to dote over and will probably want to help you heaps too. We are always here to chat to anytime!! You are not the only person to feel like this, heaps of us have felt like this! Huge hugs to you