Stress during pregnancy

**Calluna** · April 11th, 2013, 04:08 PM

I am in the process of being diagnosed with an anxiety disorder.
At home I am constantly stressed out, whether it be DS pushing every damn button he can and generally being a pain in the ass, living with my MIL and her various irritating habits, or other normal parts of life like financial stresses, morning sickness, this bloody constant headache that will not go away, being restricted to public transport as I dont have a licence (so I stress about getting all the shopping home for example and it is physically hard on me to get home with a couple of heavy bags and a 3 year old who doesnt listen - I have been buying the bare minimum to get us through to weekend when DF is home and can drive us).

I feel like Im always on edge and cant relax even a tiny bit until the end of the day when DS is in bed. Then I still have the other things going on.

Is this going to be hurting my bellybabe?
I have heard before about mothers being overly stressed and having colicy or refluxy babies. Is that an old wives tale or is there some truth to it?
And how much is too much stress?

**PumpkinZulu** · April 11th, 2013, 04:13 PM

I've never heard that wives tale, but I had a pretty stressful time whilst pregnant with DD2 and she has severe reflux. I'd say they're unrelated though.

**chody47** · April 11th, 2013, 04:35 PM

In my experience I'd say I was a little bit stressed whilst pregnant with DD1 and she had severe reflux. With DD2 I was much more stressed due to pregnancy issues and we seem to have mild reflux. I've never heard about a possible link.....

**LoveKnowsNoBounds** · April 11th, 2013, 05:38 PM

I was stressed while pregnant with DD and she had severe reflux. I think there's a link. If I could go back I'd tell myself not to let other people get to me. I wonder if it would've made a difference or not?

**Katters** · April 11th, 2013, 05:44 PM

I had major stress during pregnancy.
Partner left me (6 days after we moved house)
Two house moves within 2 weeks, with a 7 yr old in tow and 7 months pregnant
Peeping Tom in window of new house (most terrifying moment of my life as I woke up and he was looking thru window watching me sleep)
Anxiety about being alone in the house after.

Baby born in perfect health 10 weeks ago- was diagnosed with Down syndrome at birth but you don't catch that from a stressed mummy

**~Gee_Whizzy~** · April 11th, 2013, 05:48 PM

i have heard that old wives tale and from *my* personal experience it was true.

with DD1 i was laid back and nothing fazed me (even though my Dad was terminally ill at the time and passed away 2 weeks before i gave birth to her at the same hospital) and she was a dream child. DD2 i had a very stressful pregnancy and she was vile (yep it sounds harsh, but she was). severe reflux, almost non-stop crying for the first 9 months of her life. it truly was horrible and the reason why we didn't go for #3 and DH had a vasectomy when she was 11months. even now she is still my "highly strung" child. i love her more than words can express but she was hard work

eta: of course it could all just be coincidence and it is just her personality and for every story like mine there will be just as many to counteract it

**Katters** · April 11th, 2013, 05:52 PM

Correlation does not equal causation. My sons a dreamboat and I consider my pregnancy about as bad as it can get, without an abusive partner. I had serious health issues also including SPD.

**toomanyshoes** · April 11th, 2013, 06:30 PM

Our chucky bub was DD and my pregnancy with her was pretty much stress free (little hiccups at the end but nothing compared to my first pregnancy), pregnancy with DS was very full on and very stressful through out and he was a great sleeper/eater/etc.

**~Phoenix~** · April 11th, 2013, 07:06 PM

DD1 I had an extremely stressful pregnancy and she was a very relaxed, chilled out newborn & baby abit colicky but nothing unbearable or beyond typical newborn behaviour.

**surprised** · April 11th, 2013, 08:41 PM

I had horrible pregnancies and no colic/reflux.

Have you thought about woollies/coles home delivery? Or a fruit/veg box delivery?

**Santosha** · April 11th, 2013, 08:48 PM

Stress during pregnancy is not ideal for you or baby. But you know what? Stressing about whether your stress is stressing your baby....? = more stress.

You know that you're anxious, you know it feels rubbish and that it's something that you want to work on. That's enough. Just keep on taking baby steps to take care of yourself, to address your worries, to unwind and remove pressures where you can, and you, your little guy and your bub will benefit. Huuuuge hugs. Anxiety sucks.

**Calluna** · April 11th, 2013, 08:56 PM

I did Suprised, but I get all our fruit and veg from a fruit shop at the same shopping centre that Coles is in. Unfortunately the fruit shop dont deliver. I only get a few things from the supermarket so I might as well just get it all at once.
We did get the delivery boxes a couple of times but the quality was terrible.
I really need to stretch the budget out one week and try to change shopping day to the weekend.
And get my licence!

Thanks ladies. Sounds like its mostly coincidence. Trying not to add stress of harming bub to my list of stressors.

**nothing2lose** · April 11th, 2013, 09:11 PM

Can't your DF do the shopping?

**Calluna** · April 11th, 2013, 09:18 PM

He works Mon to Fri and and is away from 7:30-7 inc travel time. Thats why I say I need to change it to the w'end.

**Diamond Girl** · April 11th, 2013, 09:19 PM

Just wanted to say, I was MAJORLY stressed my entire pg with DS3. I worked myself up so badly that I would shake and literally cause myself to vomit. I just did not believe I would bring him home safe and well. But I did, and he has no reflux of any kind and is absolutely perfect in every way.

**peanutter** · April 11th, 2013, 09:29 PM

Stress during pregnancy is not ideal for you or baby. But you know what? Stressing about whether your stress is stressing your baby....? = more stress.

You know that you're anxious, you know it feels rubbish and that it's something that you want to work on. That's enough. Just keep on taking baby steps to take care of yourself, to address your worries, to unwind and remove pressures where you can, and you, your little guy and your bub will benefit. Huuuuge hugs. Anxiety sucks.

This is almost exactly what I was going to say - nine months of stressing about whether stress might harm your baby is risking a self fulfilling prophesy.

Focus on becoming one with the zen, and (more practically) figuring out who can get stuff delegated to them.

Can someone else do the shopping? Can someone pay for home delivery? Can someone else mind DS while you do it?

What tasks are unavoidable and on your list ... who can help out? What can wait? What can be vetoed?

What self soothing things can you do to help yourself be calmer? I know the "everything has hit the fan and I am about to burst into flames" thing - if that's where you're at, you need some strategies for bringing yourself back down - and maybe some strategies for helping DS back down too ... maybe some ladies here have some suggestions

Personally, I find a quick walk, a sudoku or three, screaming into my pillow for a bit, or a 10 minute vent in confidence is great.

My only magical cure for a DS about to rub my last hair the wrong way is 15 minutes of TV, playdoh, the park or a banana ... I'm guessing 7yo and 2yo are different, though

Good luck, hun

**Duchess** · April 21st, 2013, 08:28 AM

I have had many different times in my life where I have had severe stress and anxiety diagnosed.

You can get to a doc and get a health plan to get some counselling cheap or free. It's worth budgeting it.

They can give you tools and skills to deal with it.

With shopping with child that won't listen, take the stress away by knowing he is not going to listen and put him on a harness or bribe him try reward charts just for shopping, rather than thinking its stressful just try and find his currency.

Can mother in law help? Can she look after him while you shop or can a friend pick up your groceries?
Or look after the kids?

When you are suffering from stress and anxiety and you are pregnant you need to ask for help and accept it.

I've had huge meltdowns and breakdowns in the worst places, talking to my GP helps a lot
Telling myself things need to change helps a lot

I don't know if I've been stressed when pregnant, pregnancy for me has always been so special and wanted I've just told myself nothing is bad enough to put my body under stress when it's carrying precious cargo