why do women feel the need to share their horror stories?

[Roryrory]

I think MG is on the money - most women with horror stories haven't "healed", so to speak.

Puppies I had two wonderful pregnancies, one "good" birth and another fantastic one. I had no morning sickness with either boy and the only symptoms were mild like sleeplesness in the later months, stretch marks and with DS#! I had a sore back because I didn't take it easy. With DS#1 I had a "drug-free" vaginal birth (I had gas but was already 9cm dialted so it did nothing LOL!) and no use of forceps or suction - that was my "good" birth because I had a fair bit of OB interference (directed pushing, episiotomy) and a posterior-presented bub to deal with. And DS#2's birth was fantastic - over in 4 hours, totally natural at a birth centre with nary an internal exam in sight and midwives in attendance. And no tearing or episiotomy. I breastfed both boys without a problem (only minor one was slight cracked nipples with DS#2 because I got lazy with attachment). DS#1 was fed to 9 months when I got pg again, and DS#2 is still feeding strong.

You CAN have a great pregnancy and birth, and incidentally the only reason my first son's brith was "good" rather than fantastic was because I listened to all the horror stories and BELIEVED them, and so I was scared and chose an OB rather than a midwife.

[MummyTummy]

I was just reading this thread and thought it was funny that I was just talking about all this last weekend.

I am doing a calmbirth (similar to hypnobirth) course, to allow me to 'enjoy' my labour as much as I have been enjoying my pregnancy. During this course we were talking about how people seem to love telling you horror stories - but the truth came out that none of us wanted to hear about the horror story and it was all about the other person de-briefing. They need to tell you their story because they haven't fully dealt with it themselves. But the problem with doing this is that they are telling the wrong people and so never fully feel satisfied that they have worked through their issues. We were told that after the birth we should de-brief with each other (couples) and if things didn't go to plan to actually seek out a counsellor to help with the debriefing. This I imagine would be done with a doula or private mid-wife if you go down that path. So something to keep in mind....

Also I have to say I have really been enjoying my pregnancy, and had very few issues. Even the issues I have had I haven't really been concerned about - even the spotting I had at about 13 weeks. My philosophy is trust yourself and your instincts - you know when something is wrong, like when you feel sick - and don't sweat the small stuff. If people start telling you horror stories tell them to shush - your baby is listening! Womens bodies were built for this so why do people seem to believe they aren't?

Congratulations once again on your BFP!

[mumrach]

I had a wonderful stress free pg (except m/s) with all of my girls. Once i knew I was pg I just carried on as if everything would be OK and it was. This time though I am freaking out, mainly about having a miscarriage, it is because I have been taking on everyone elses bad experiences and thinking that they will happen to me- to counter act this I have been only reading positive pregnancy and birth related issues. Anything negative I try to gloss over straight away. I realize this may be naive but it is my coping mechanism at the moment. If some one starts to vent at me I just say (respectfully of course) " I appreciate you trying to share, but I really can't talk about this atm, lets talk about something else" I have only had to do this once but it worked. Just to let you know all three of my births were great, I had no drugs, no stiches and great midwives. The best feeling in the world is when the baby first slides out after all your hard work, you can't beat it. Have a great pregnancy.

[Lulu]

Yep, what mummytummy said! Only she said it way better than me because I would have used many expletives. But yes, it has to be the debriefing.....

Dp was at the bus stop the other week (outside a Drs office), one lady was preg and there was another sitting there raving on about how horrible.....well you know the story. Dp got quite annoyed, told the stupid woman off and then told the close to tears preg woman how wonderful the birth of our kids were, how much he respected my choices and the elation we all felt. I'm pretty sure he gave her BB's address and told her to come on in!

I was so proud of him, she cheered up no end.

I wish someone would have hassled me like that - I seem to have a "don'tmesswithme face" very dissapointing.